Arguments start with, and are maintained by – words. We need to carefully listen to what we are saying – instead of simply listening to other people so we can rebut them. A lack of careful listening can start unnecessary trouble, and clarification is a useful tool too. Learn to ask questions – non-provocative ones.

Meanwhile, abuse of any sort is a whole other ballgame – don’t do it – don’t allow it. That stuff becomes cyclic and worsens as it goes along. The only way I know to avoid perpetrating verbal abuse, is to shut your mouth. And I am speaking from experience here, I am a word person. Angry verbal people can use words like weapons, it is like facing a machine gun spitting out rounds of bullets. And BTW asking GOD to shut your mouth for you is about as good as waving a wand over the top of your money expecting it to grow. You can, however, immediately ask for His help.

Let’s remember that we ALL have CHOICES – and it is not the Lord’s fault if we make bad ones. Here’s a clue, it helps me. Take your hand and stick it over your mouth and leave the room. Now breathe deeply, calm down. Don’t review what they said to stoke up the fire, ask for His help. Christians need to live their lives constantly aware that the work has already been done – we know WE WIN. Our task is to start believing the book, and change our responses and actions using our faith.

Let’s move on … to another form of abuse – financially. I think one of the ways to avoid financial inequality is to value what your partner does. It is cruel to hold other people hostage by controlling their finances. Financial freedom is important, within reason of course. God’s people are a generous people. This means they don’t have to think before they help others, because their whole way of seeing this life has been transformed. They often notice someone else’s deprived state and act without being asked.

Lastly the way for an abused person to avoid physical abuse is to pack their bags and leave. No amount of apologising can negate the terrible effects of intimidation by thrashing. There needs to be enough space for repentance and change. Occupying the same space is like sticking gasoline next to an open fire. Bullying is a symptom of a far more serious problem – not a character trait! Look at this subject like this:  the bible talks about choosing the right way, and you can’t choose clearly if you have no freedom.

Back to my point – words can start wars. The worst thing about being angry with someone else is that we can have a tendency to exaggerate what was actually said, in our favour. We take what we said, and make it sound OK, and make what the other person said AWFUL! Sometimes hubby and I disagree about what was said more than we do about the subject! How stupid, inefficient and ineffective is that? It’s a total waste of time – nothing actually gets resolved. The answer is to give up holding each other ransom over something said in temper, and look at the LOG in your own eye first. 

We need to use do good with our words. Speaking them to empower, not cripple others. “And never let ugly or hateful words come from your mouth, but instead let your words become beautiful gifts that encourage others; do this by speaking words of grace to help them.”Ephesians 4:29 TPT.  In this new life we now have, we have the power to speak life! Our words are now destined to become beautiful gifts. Sadly, some things that are said are not worth the price paid for the delivery because they can have far reaching terrible effects! So how do we let our words become beautiful gifts? 

Glad you asked me that! We all need Grace. I believe that Christians greatly underestimate the enormous value of Grace. Some of us think that making small talk and avoiding hot issues – instead of embracing intimacy – will let us off the hook. It can’t. Intimacy is our destiny … read the book! If my hand does not know what my feet are doing then I will be an accident waiting to happen. I fell up the stairs when I tried that one out!  A body needs co-ordination. Co-ordination … wait for it … … COMES FROM THE HEAD! As we yield to His words – our words, thoughts, actions and reactions change. However, agreeing with the Lord changes nothing –  HE ALREADY KNOWS HE’S RIGHT!! We have to choose be His disciples and then follow Him down the road of obedience, and it’s a death march!

Grace is free … it just takes obedience to step into it. We use our faith that what He says in the book is right and act on it. Yes, a part of us will die, but those parts weren’t going to help us to walk with Him. Secondly, Grace can go places and do things that we can’t do by ourselves. Grace opens many doors. It transforms the person who chooses to live this way – and over time, it will have a ripple effect on others. 

Don’t just watch what you say … deliberately give what you’ve said and what the other person has said to you – to the Lord and then leave it with Him. One day you and I are going to answer to Him for all those stray words, and explain ourselves to Him. Let us not weaponise our words. Living this life with eternity in our minds, reminds us that nothing that happens to us cannot be released and given over to Grace.  Bye 👋