Intimidation

P 3259 Family business.

/ DVH

I honestly think that some of the hardest things to wrangle are the things that are happen inside our families.  Those things seem to press right up against your chest, like they are trying to smother you and stop you from breathing. The bible acknowledges this kind of pain. These are the places where our faith can be severely tried and tested. On the plus side, they are also the place where massive growth occurs. 

Psalm 27:10 NLT:“Even if my father and mother abandon me, the LORD will hold me close.” Jeremiah 12:6 NIV: “Your relatives, members of your own family—even they have betrayed you; they have raised a loud cry against you. Do not trust them, though they speak well of you.” 

It is not good to get stuck by other people’s sins. Instead we need the Lord’s help to focus on the solution! Let’s turn Psalm 27 around. ‘The Lord will hold me close, even if my father and mother abandon me.’  Father God wants to help us into a bigger place where HIS LOVE REIGNS, so we can love those who despitefully use us. Love is not about feelings, it is about our choices.

However, the people we love deeply, are also the people who can hurt us the most. Sometimes our families can use fear, anger, intimidation, neglect and threats of harm, as well as threats of expulsion and rejection, to try to control our adult decisions. It is better in these times not to focus on what is coming at you, instead focus on how much the Lord loves you. Plus His assurance that HE will not abandon you.

It is a basic human need to feel loved and appreciated. Even tiny little babies can die when they do not experience nurturing and love. Emotional abandonment is a terrible thing. But it is good to remember, even with all this going on – you are a sinner too. It is never good to focus on “them” and “us.” We are not victims – we have our Saviour to guide us. But breaking away from family demands can be difficult. These are the people who taught you from when you were a baby. Whether they were neglectful, smothering or abusive does not matter – the love one feels for someone this close, is much more than superficial.

I believe this kind of love is based on human need. So, Jesus Christ is our ONLY Answer. He is fully God and man, and He lives to love and pray for each one of us. Read what He said in the bible, as if He were there with you talking TO you! And remember, Jesus’ family didn’t always understand HIM either! In reality we cannot expect the people who broke us, to fix us!

There can be a tremendous sense of betrayal when you struggle with your family. But I don’t want to comment on other people’s sin, otherwise that becomes the centre of our focus. Trust me, the only Person worthy of every single bit of our focus is Jesus. He cannot, and He will not ever abandon us or punish us like other human beings will. Instead He took our punishment for us. That means, He volunteered to be abandoned, misjudged, rejected, and punished, both physically, emotionally, and mentally. He was utterly despised for our sake.

In any times of family rejection, I want to encourage you to continually go back to the well of righteousness the Lord died to provide for us – and drink from it. Being righteous in His eyes is not the same as being right according to this world’s standard. Our righteousness with God has been given to us. In this world, human righteousness is earned by behaviour. 

It is best to activate your faith, and turn whatever the bible says into action. It looks like this: when a family member is treating you badly, pray and ask for the Lord’s help. Then make a firm choice to forgive them, and then, give that burden to Him. Deliberately put your thoughts about that family member, aside. When memories pop up, allow yourself to grieve, but don’t stay there. Give everything back to Him again, and choose to trust Him to fix it. Now you need to REST in the fact that He has heard you, and we are ‘persuaded that He is able to keep those things/people you have entrusted into His care.’

Put hurtful people down at the foot of the cross – it is our symbol of redemption. Leave them with Him! All the worry, tears, and anguish in this world can’t make someone else understand you, or love you, or give you what you need. However! Our God can do anything but fail! The secret is to keep walking with Him. Don’t look back, just trust Him to take care of all of it.

At the same time, limit set what you choose to do around these people. Don’t cut them out of your life, unless your life is in physical danger, but do set limits. Ask the Lord to help you with it. Finally, please don’t let bitterness or spite get hold of you, because that stuff will muddy His living water, and you will get lost in the mud! 

Let your glorious Redeemer, redeem your old life. Losing your earthly family because of your spiritual beliefs in Jesus is a terrible thing – however, Jesus will help you to survive – and eventually thrive. Praise Him! Bye. 😢

P 2746 Let’s not weaponise our words.

/ DVH

Arguments start with, and are maintained by – words. We need to carefully listen to what we are saying – instead of simply listening to other people so we can rebut them. A lack of careful listening can start unnecessary trouble, and clarification is a useful tool too. Learn to ask questions – non-provocative ones.

Meanwhile, abuse of any sort is a whole other ballgame – don’t do it – don’t allow it. That stuff becomes cyclic and worsens as it goes along. The only way I know to avoid perpetrating verbal abuse, is to shut your mouth. And I am speaking from experience here, I am a word person. Angry verbal people can use words like weapons, it is like facing a machine gun spitting out rounds of bullets. And BTW asking GOD to shut your mouth for you is about as good as waving a wand over the top of your money expecting it to grow. You can, however, immediately ask for His help.

Let’s remember that we ALL have CHOICES – and it is not the Lord’s fault if we make bad ones. Here’s a clue, it helps me. Take your hand and stick it over your mouth and leave the room. Now breathe deeply, calm down. Don’t review what they said to stoke up the fire, ask for His help. Christians need to live their lives constantly aware that the work has already been done – we know WE WIN. Our task is to start believing the book, and change our responses and actions using our faith.

Let’s move on … to another form of abuse – financially. I think one of the ways to avoid financial inequality is to value what your partner does. It is cruel to hold other people hostage by controlling their finances. Financial freedom is important, within reason of course. God’s people are a generous people. This means they don’t have to think before they help others, because their whole way of seeing this life has been transformed. They often notice someone else’s deprived state and act without being asked.

Lastly the way for an abused person to avoid physical abuse is to pack their bags and leave. No amount of apologising can negate the terrible effects of intimidation by thrashing. There needs to be enough space for repentance and change. Occupying the same space is like sticking gasoline next to an open fire. Bullying is a symptom of a far more serious problem – not a character trait! Look at this subject like this:  the bible talks about choosing the right way, and you can’t choose clearly if you have no freedom.

Back to my point – words can start wars. The worst thing about being angry with someone else is that we can have a tendency to exaggerate what was actually said, in our favour. We take what we said, and make it sound OK, and make what the other person said AWFUL! Sometimes hubby and I disagree about what was said more than we do about the subject! How stupid, inefficient and ineffective is that? It’s a total waste of time – nothing actually gets resolved. The answer is to give up holding each other ransom over something said in temper, and look at the LOG in your own eye first. 

We need to use do good with our words. Speaking them to empower, not cripple others. “And never let ugly or hateful words come from your mouth, but instead let your words become beautiful gifts that encourage others; do this by speaking words of grace to help them.”Ephesians 4:29 TPT.  In this new life we now have, we have the power to speak life! Our words are now destined to become beautiful gifts. Sadly, some things that are said are not worth the price paid for the delivery because they can have far reaching terrible effects! So how do we let our words become beautiful gifts? 

Glad you asked me that! We all need Grace. I believe that Christians greatly underestimate the enormous value of Grace. Some of us think that making small talk and avoiding hot issues – instead of embracing intimacy – will let us off the hook. It can’t. Intimacy is our destiny … read the book! If my hand does not know what my feet are doing then I will be an accident waiting to happen. I fell up the stairs when I tried that one out!  A body needs co-ordination. Co-ordination … wait for it … … COMES FROM THE HEAD! As we yield to His words – our words, thoughts, actions and reactions change. However, agreeing with the Lord changes nothing –  HE ALREADY KNOWS HE’S RIGHT!! We have to choose be His disciples and then follow Him down the road of obedience, and it’s a death march!

Grace is free … it just takes obedience to step into it. We use our faith that what He says in the book is right and act on it. Yes, a part of us will die, but those parts weren’t going to help us to walk with Him. Secondly, Grace can go places and do things that we can’t do by ourselves. Grace opens many doors. It transforms the person who chooses to live this way – and over time, it will have a ripple effect on others. 

Don’t just watch what you say … deliberately give what you’ve said and what the other person has said to you – to the Lord and then leave it with Him. One day you and I are going to answer to Him for all those stray words, and explain ourselves to Him. Let us not weaponise our words. Living this life with eternity in our minds, reminds us that nothing that happens to us cannot be released and given over to Grace.  Bye 👋

P 2181 Love is our primary mandate.

/ DVH

It looks like food and shelter to the hungry, and kindness and compassion to the broken hearted and bleeding. The church in this world today has never been as divided as it is right now. One group believes this, another believes that, and someone else pronounces them both wrong and postulates something else! And so we end up dividing our churches, our fellowships, or even our families over doctrine. We’ve forgotten that our focus comes off love when we drone on and on about doctrine. 

You know popularity is not a sign of being right, it can often mean we are tickling other people’s ears. Plus, being right is not as important as living a life of love for others. Only Almighty God is good. Only Jesus Christ is perfectly right. Only the Holy Spirit through the bible can shed His love abroad in our own hearts and through us. Everything else fades into insignificance without that kind of love. Christians can be doctrinally right, but still have their hearts ‘far from Him.’ (Matthew 15:18)

Jesus’ disciples followed the Lord around for over three years and they proved how wrong human beings could be … even though they were walking around and living with God Himself! Adam and Eve lived in God’s Presence daily, and still made terrible decisions. These two things alone show us how much power there is in our personal choices. God gave us the power to choose Him and His Ways for ourselves. His ways are motivated by LOVE.

But when the Holy Spirit came in the book of Acts, He unified those men and women in the upper room, in an extraordinary way – they went from being fearful to being bold – they were prepared to die to tell others Who Jesus Christ is. His Love and passion came into their midst, and fear and intimidation went straight out of the window. The Holy Spirit began to do something so incredible at that time that Jesus’ disciples didn’t have a “box” to put it in! That’s because Almighty God went right round people’s boxes and made His home in human hearts. They lived their lives so saturated, they simply had to tell others what they knew. 

Guys, the body of Christ needs to make the main thing the main thing. Are we loving others? Can we be found guilty, as individuals and churches, of truly laying our lives down and loving the unloveable? Jesus did it! This world is going to hell in a hand basket all around us, because we’ve been arguing over stuff that won’t matter a fig when we see Him face to face. In that moment, we will all fall on our faces and worship Him. All of our arguments and debates will not amount to a hill of beans in His Presence. 

However right now, we can easily bicker about this rule and that revelation, because we are not living in His Presence! Like so many other saints who have gone before us, we’ve been lulled off to sleep by comfort, safety, and self-preservation. Me too. 😢 We all need to remember that billions of people do not know how much Almighty God loves them because inside the church we are fighting to be right. 

There are well-meaning Christian people who want to corner the market on selling: ‘their tapes, their CDs, their DVDs, their music, their podcasts, their sermons.’ All that energy, creativity, even our supposedly brilliant minds could be put to better use by following Jesus down, down, down onto the lower road that He walked on. We are so busy trying to make a name for ourselves, we’ve forgotten HIS NAME IS HIGHER THAN ANY OTHER NAME.

Our righteousness comes from Him. And if Jesus said: ‘they’ll know we are Christians by our love…’  then it’s that simple. Love Him, love others. You can teach an infant that. We need to focus on loving others and leave the doctrinal issues to those who have nothing better to do. I ask myself this question all the time. “Is there evidence in my life right now, that I am following Jesus and LOVING OTHERS like He would?” 

And if you are unsure of what His idea of love looks like, try I Corinthians 13, or Colossians 3. The stuff in those verses will keep anyone busy for the rest of their lives. Love is the key that will unlock people’s closed hearts. Jesus came and died to give us the privilege of putting that key into action in a loveless world. We daily take His love and forgiveness in, and we give His love and forgiveness out. It’s that simple.  Bye. 👋🏻