Resentment

P 2723 The one word that changes everything!

/ DVH

This morning when I prayerfully thought about what I wanted to write about today, I realised that a great deal of what I have previously said over all these years, that can be accomplished by simply walking in love.

1 Corinthians 14:1a says:“Make love your aim …” I’ve often found myself wishing that there was a full stop right after those four powerful words. In fact, I don’t think we can read the bible without remembering LOVE WAS GOD’S AIM WHEN HE WROTE IT! In another version, the same verse says:“Earnestly pursue love …”  In another it says: “make it your great quest …” 1 Corinthians 13 is titled … the WAY of love. Sometimes I think we can get so enthusiastic about using methods and acquiring knowledge, as well as implementing this and that, we can quickly forget Jesus exhorted us to be a people with a child-like attitude. Matthew 18:2-4 says:

“He (Jesus) called a little child to Him, and placed the child among them. And He said: “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever takes the lowly position of this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.”

So did you get that? Grown ups don’t qualify. Knowledge and power actually mess with our obedience levels and simplicity. As a child I can remember wishing I could hurry up and grow up because grown-ups had power, and I had none. Hmmm. Many many years later I can see the error of that thought, but it took me a while.

So what do I mean by walking in love? Here’s what that means for me, I often ask myself the question …is it love? You know sometimes things are expedient, but there’s no love in them. In our hurry hurry rush rush world, which always seems like it must run full speed ahead at all times, we can do things that are not love, because they are easier. We might even justify them by saying: it is not natural to respond with love!  Ya might like to think about that thought… because we are supernatural people now. Yet it seems far easier to shout, grumble, and find fault with someone else, than to question yourself… but ….

… what would LOVE do? 

Did you notice how I just left that line there all by itself?? That’s because it is important. We really can’t fit love in around the edges of our busy lives. Loving God and others IS our life now. So how do you love others easily? Here’s my answer – you choose, over and over and over again, to die to yourself. The self is a major factor in most of the wars, evil doings, illegal operations, and appalling treatment that we have all perpetrated toward other human beings. A whole lot of sin starts with Me thinking about ME and mine and what I want.

Now if you are wondering what kind of love I am talking about? Then 1 Corinthians 13 supplies us with the answer and a perfect description. If you like to memorise verses, that’s a great one to memorise. Sometimes I ask myself these questions: Was I impatient, not allowing someone else to have a learning curve and forgetting that I often need one? Was I unkind, hurting someone else to make my point? Was I envious, because someone else has managed something better than I could? Was I boastful, full of myself, or just plain rude. 

Did I insist on my own way above the needs of others? Was I irritable, did I bring up the past, because of my own harboured resentment? Was I finding my jollies by pointing out someone else’s sin? Did I put the truth aside to make sure my POV was more important than anything else? Have I celebrated someone else’s downfall because I don’t like them?

Do I personally love the Lord’s revealed truth? Is it more important to me to feel good about myself than to help someone else see the best in themselves? Have I forgotten to hide myself under the overwhelming love of God? He knows how to bear all things, believe all things, hope all things, and how to endure all things. Jesus is my perfect illustration of what love in action looks like. And the Holy Spirit is my Helper, Guide, Companion, Teacher …

The thing I have learnt is that WHEN LOVE COMES TO TOWN, EVERYTHING CHANGES…even me! All I need to do is to pause, ask for His help and do what love would do. Love is never wasted. It can be tested and tried to enhance its purity but it cannot be wasted. That’s because this kind of love is eternal. Instructions come and go, systems fail, but love will last forever, so I need to learn this truth before I run out of time. Love, is the one word that changes everything. Bye. 👋

P 2681 Absolute Surrender

/ DVH

“Since Christ, though innocent, suffered in His flesh for you, now you also must be a prepared soldier, having the same mind-set, for whoever has died in his body is done with sin. So live the rest of your earthly life no longer concerned with human desires but consumed with what brings pleasure to God.”1 Peter 4:1-2 TPT. 

And there you go, a fantastic standard that is impossible to reach outside of the governance of the Holy Spirit! This life is always about choices. Unfortunately, the church today is in a bit of a hole, because we have figured out ways to make that choice sound user-friendly, or – we’ve hidden the choices away somewhere in the fine print. The thing is, we cannot legislate, or even subtly obfuscate reality. Doing that will eventually turn around and bite everyone of us on the backside. It’s His truth that sets us free.

I think that the men and women of God in the New Testament learnt this kind of stuff as they went along. The whole idea that everyone was suddenly rendered instantly whole, spiritually sound, as well as personally fabulous, is error. They had a Saviour just like we do – they had to learn stuff just like we do. If you read the New Testament carefully, you will see that there were troubles, strife and skirmishes even as the church was developing and growing.

People still did the dumbest things, even though they had given their lives to Christ and wanted to live their lives for Him. However, back then they knew they had the Holy Spirit,He taught those people personally, He will do that for us too!We need to learn to value and appreciate His Presence more than life itself. The Holy Spirit is not just about speaking in tongues – HE is our Helper, our Counsellor, our comforter, our personal teacher. Cherish Him.

Meanwhile, the Christian life isn’t just about what we don’t do. It’s about what we must do – ON PURPOSE.  We’ve lived for years with rules that are almost impossible to keep, and at the same time we invited other people to join us. Then we got disappointed when they didn’t want participate. “Come to our church and we will actively teach you to obey a whole lot of rules that we can’t obey either!” 😳

The same method that saved us, CHANGES us. It’s called absolute surrender. We do it in faith and we live it out daily. The problems come because we pretend to be something we are not. We will have to die to be these people, His new creation, and that ain’t pretty. Sadly, we’ve subtly altered His life-giving invitation to live a new life IN Him – because: “come to our church and we’ll teach you how to get dead to yourself” doesn’t’ look good on a billboard! 

Today, many people in the West are living in a secular nanny-state that insists we must be politicly correct. I personally believe that particular premise invites deception. I’ve had a number of conversations with people who are working and living out in this world and they cheerfully parrot off: “Oh, you can’t say that now!” or “That’s inappropriate!”  Human beings are never going to be legislated into being changed  – we are way too inherently disobedient! I truly love putting Jesus in charge of me – mainly because my memory ain’t what it used to be, and if you hand me societal rules I will have forgotten them before I’ve even put them in my bag. 

I actually think this PC stuff is all nonsense. We need GOD Himself, active on our behalf, not lists of rules for things we can say – and things we can’t. You cannot legislate caring, unselfishness, and inclusiveness, because there is no underlying core in normal human beings that can support it. Human beings without God are awful. We killed the Lord of all glory and we had lots of words and theories to prove that was the right thing to do. Think about it – God Himself came here and we killed Him. Praise the Lord Jesus – He did not stay dead! Our hope is in the Saviour Who rose from the grave, not rules. The same Holy Spirit Who raised Him up will change us.

The Holy Spirit has incredible, selfless qualities in super, unmeasurable, abundance. All that plus WISDOM! But human beings don’t. Watch little kids in the playground. They will haul off and clock each other. They will snatch things – and they won’t care two hoots about the other child crying. Adults buy guns and knives because they don’t feel safe. They don’t feel safe because this world is not safe … selfishness and sin were born into all our hearts! What we want in and for ourselves is to be indulged, and proved right. However, the assumption that I know what is best for me is, at best, twaddle! The best way for humanity to be changed and transformed is to submit to Christ’s leadership. 

Absolute surrender is the only way to go. Otherwise we will begin to reject any rules, and grow resentment, and that stuff leaks out in particularly vicious ways when nobody expects it. It’s called anarchy. Soldiers do not enlist to have a desk job, they enlist to fight. And if need be – they will die for what they believe. We too, were born again to fight … but not each other. We are to daily fight the selfishness that surrounds us – releasing His love everywhere we go, and if need be, we will die for the people who hate us. At the same time we must stop fighting the Holy Spirit for the right to run our lives the way we want them to be, and simply SURRENDER to His Ways. That’s the way forward, totally surrendered and absolutely sold out for Jesus. 👋

P 2646 “Hope thou IN CHRIST!”

/ DVH

Hope is a sign our faith is healthy. If we are feeling hope-less then our situation has overcome our awareness of how Mighty God is! That’s bad. It’s bad, like not breathing is bad!! It means there is something we need to fix, first with the Lord, and then with others. Other people can be stumbling blocks – especially the ones who see no need to change, or they think they can’t, because they were just born this way! Christ knows how to walk with difficult, dumb people – He did it for three and a half years!

Here’s a revelation – everything God made is good, so if it is NOT good – then it’s NOT God. To clear that up we need to start with ME not the other guy. But sometimes the difference between not good and good is simply time! Just saying is all …

… The truth is clear, we can hang on to resentment, bitterness, anger, lying, hatred as much as we want to, but those things’ll drown ya! You end up snarling and snapping at others. It’s dumb to be lying in the muck and mire when SomeBody paid for you to live an overcoming life!

You know, I think that Covid did more than make a whole lotta people very very sick. It stole some people’s hope! We gotta watch out for that. Hope is our anchor. Hope holds us steady when the waves of this life get too big for us to cope. Actually, when a boat slips it’s moorings or loses its anchor, it floats away! Hebrews 6:19 says: “We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure. It enters the inner sanctuary behind the curtain, …””  Hope anchors us into God!! Remember, we hope in what Christ is doing, not in our circumstances changing.

Jesus Christ is our hope anchor. What He did for us, and what His death gave us, anchors us into Almighty God’s kingdom. Jesus took us into the Holy place by what He did. Now we have Him as our priest praying on our behalf, before the throne, and that never ends. The Lord God Himself provided the ultimate Answer – Christ! And He is ever-mindful of our humanity. We are so blessed to have a Saviour Who is God and also a human being – He understands how tough this life is.

Sadly we sometimes forget what we’ve been given and we wander off into the wilderness, wondering where God went. Bleating: “Why is He not looking after me – He promised He would look after me?!”  In those moments we have become imitators of the Israelites in the wilderness… remember, the Good Shepherd always goes after a lost sheep! The Lord always looks after His own, He just has a different timetable than ours. That difference is meant to help us with patience and perseverance, not introduce doubt.

“There’s more to come: We continue to shout our praise even when we’re hemmed in with troubles, because we know how troubles can develop passionate patience in us, and how that patience in turn forges the tempered steel of virtue, keeping us alert for whatever God will do next. In alert expectancy such as this, we’re never left feeling shortchanged. Quite the contrary—we can’t round up enough containers to hold everything God generously pours into our lives through the Holy Spirit!” Romans 8:8 MSG.

When we lose sight of our anchor, our hope – Jesus Christ the HOPE of all mankind – we are forgetting who we are now. We do not have to grab, grasp, scheme, scream and connive to make life work. Now we trust God and let go of our own ideas, and pay close attention to His Word. His word is our strong fortress, our hiding place, our comfort, and our defensive position. Otherwise, we are running the risk of forgetting Who we belong to! Our strong hope is in what Christ has already done.

“But as for me, I watch in hope for the LORD, I wait for God My Saviour; MY GOD WILL HEAR ME.”Micah 7:7. We remain confident that if the answer we were hoping for does not happen, then we remind ourselves that our God has heard us and HE HAS A PLAN. That’s our anchor. Hopelessness takes over when we concentrate more on the problem, than on our ever-present, always loving, constantly praying for us, Saviour. Our problem being solved is a temporary relief –instead we need to refocus on Christ Himself,  He is the Answer. “Hope deferred makes the heart sick.”BUT!!! …“We can do all things through Christ because He strengthens us.”

As we learn to cultivate patience, and wait on the Lord, we will renew our strength. We are given the energy to rise above our problems and keep running the race. We are enabled to keep on walking without fainting. Holding onto hope stretches our faith so the next time we use it, we become aware that our faith has grown. We must keep a watch over our hope, it is the warning light on the overcoming dashboard of our lives. We do not have to live downcast lives …”SOUL, HOPE THOU IN CHRIST!”👋

P 2599 Under construction.

/ DVH

I often feel like I should have a sign with that saying written on it hung around my neck – in a number of languages! It sure would clear up any misunderstandings. From the moment I wake up, ’til my head hits the pillow every night, my aim is to walk with Jesus, living this life He has given me with His grace going in and out of me, toward others.

But, no matter where we live today, this life seems to have become so much harder than it was before Co-vid showed the world WE aren’t in charge, after all. I remember when the pandemic started, people were rushing about trying to prove that it came from this country or that country, or this lab or that lab. I still can’t figure out why knowing that was so important! That blasted genie was already out of the bottle, what the heck did it matter where it came from? I have found it is neither good or helpful to make lists of reasons why I dislike some people or what they do.

I think that knowing the origin of the disease is a waste of time unless blame and shame happen to be incredibly important! But the media chose to stir up its usual frenzy seeking to prove its case, always looking to blame someone. We have to have a hero and a bad guy it seems!! They even took the time to seek out people who were pro-inoculation as well as those against.

Sometimes I think the media is more interested in starting fights between people, than producing real news – mainly because doing that will create even more angry messes to report on!  I call that stuff fake news.  It seems we prefer cultivating that, so we can maintain a level of anger in our lives toward everyone and anyone in general – perhaps it feels like protection?

Personally, the pandemic has limited my whole life so I have a lot to be angry about!!  I can’t go anywhere without using a mask. My dear hubby chooses to wear one too. Members of my own immediate family also wear a mask whenever they are out amongst the general population, for my sake. Now I call that love! Nobody is making them do this, they are doing it because they want to support and protect me. They don’t make a fuss, or over-explain, they just do it. Those actions have illustrated yet another aspect of what love looks like to me. 

It seems to me that this kind of grass roots, always considerate love, is the kind of love that is no longer common today. Sometimes we think that the best way to express love is to move away from an irritating person, and we can produce a list of reasons why we should! Instead of seeking to find common ground. Or perhaps taking the time to prayerfully ask the Lord for ways to reach out and then continue to persevere. We collect and collate info to prove why we shouldn’t even try. I wonder where I would be if my family thought my needing a mask made me too difficult!  

Like the verse that I’ve used as a header to this blog says: ‘not that I have always reached THAT goal … but on we go!’ (That’s my translation.) So that’s what I want to rabbit on about today:  instead of finding places where we don’t agree, why don’t we find places that we do, and use our energy to work on them?! I had a difficult childhood and it has taken me a long time to be able to truly love the person who hurt me. But now, by God’s grace, I know the joy of finding that the discomfort, and anger, and even the pernickety nit-picking attitude that prevailed in my heart, is slowly subsiding. It has been worth all the prayer and choosing to go after His Grace. 

I will not say my stinky attitude is gone – I am, after all, still under construction, and I can still get irritated with this person – but because of the Holy Spirit’s help … I have INVESTED MORE in finding a way through my irritation — than I have in stoking my anger to keep me safe, and the other person at arm’s length. The result is I now deeply, truthfully care about somebody that I was actively avoiding. I think this is how love works. Right down at ground level zero.  God’s love doesn’t tackle the seemingly justifiable anger, head on, or force the very real feelings down — instead it uses its energy to find a place where we can agree – and it starts there. 

I freely admit it took me a while to find some places where this person and I could agree. But with His help we’ve both found some, I have learnt to laugh and enjoy that other person’s company. Really living in this life consists of maintaining and cultivating relationships and it is up to us to choose to let other people in. Even when they too have signs around their necks that say …”highly toxic, limit exposure!”

So far, I’ve learnt to walk quietly down new pathways, reminding myself that this new life of agreement we have found together, can be a blessing to both of us. Jesus showed me how to make those pathways. It has been a great relief to find that I no longer have to throw myself onto the incredibly sharp spears this person wears for self-protection. Being willing to change even though in my mind – the other person should … because they are “wronger’  than me! Judgment is a huge trap we can all easily fall into. Whether it involves a difficult relative, or the media, everything around us is prompting us to make judgment calls. We will be pushing against the flow of this life if we decide to stop.

However, we could leave behind pain and anguish and give up resentment, when we understand that the reward is a different slant on someone else – and a new, ever-so-slightly improved ME. Being under construction is a great way to live. 👋

P 2421 The saga of the queue.

/ DVH

“For even the Son of Man did not come expecting to be served by everyone, but to serve everyone, and to give His life as the ransom price for the salvation of many.”” Mark 10:45 TPT. BTW, we would be wise to remember that just because lightning doesn’t strike us from heaven – that does not mean that the Lord approves of what we are doing!! It’s not called MERCY for nothing.

It’s verses like this one that convict my heart. You see, I was caught in our car recently, waiting for a half an hour, in 33 degree heat. It happened twice. There were very complicated road works and we were waiting to be given a green light so we could move on. Sadly my response was best not repeated here! I got my crank on. I was hot, hungry and not feeling well … I totally forgot I was not my own, and it was Jesus’ time that was being wasted not mine. 🙄

Let’s just think about the above verse for a minute as it applies to me in that situation. In reflection I realised I was expecting to be treated differently by a bunch of hard-working roadwork guys  … just because I wasn’t well etc. Yeah, I totally lost any kind of realism in those thoughts eh?!? Like they would know what was happening to me while they were digging ditches! 

The thing is – if I want to follow Jesus I’m probably going to go down a whole lot of difficult uncomfortable roads … that may have endless troubles — plus road-works!  However, instead of getting cranky I actually had plenty of time to pray for the poor boiling hot road workers digging away in 33 degree heat!  Rats! I definitely missed that opportunity. 😶 So today I wanted to include something in my blog that cut me to the heart – because it needed to. I urge you to read this like Jesus is speaking to you personally, I did!

I Hear His Whisper … hold nothing back from Me…

“I want to be Lord over every part of your life—over your joys and sorrows, hopes and fears, goals and disappointments. I don’t want you to hold anything back. Beloved, come face-to-face with Me. Stand in My Presence and ask for my Spirit to reveal the areas that you haven’t fully surrendered to Me. It’s time for you to release control of those parts of your life that you’ve held on to.

Let the searching gaze of My Spirit into the secret caverns of your heart. There are situations and people that I will gently bring to your remembrance. It’s important that you don’t push such a thought back down but acknowledge it and bring it to me. 

Any pain, fear, trust issues, bad habits, wrong attitudes, or areas that you’re still holding tightly to must be given to Me. They are not yours to control. I love you, and I will lovingly correct you and draw you into the place of safety, where you can lay these things at My feet, once and for all. It’s time for you to rise to a new level of freedom.” Written by Brian Simmons and Gretchen Rodreguiz

Sometimes stuff simply ‘gets’ at us. And before we know it, we are reacting – without asking for any help, or Grace. And then we end up wondering where our peace went! That’s a good time to remember Jesus’ OCEAN OF GRACE and His MERCY FOUNTAIN.  We get there by way of repentance but we don’t have to go either place via the road of shame! I can’t apologise to those particular road workers, who had no clue I was cranky at them. But I can repent and ask for the Lord’s help to change. After praying I found a whole lot of stuff inside that I had no idea existed. Including pride and resentment, plus entitlement … because I’m often ill… poor me! I was reminded again, that my time is His time and He can spend it how He likes. 

Secondly my comfort – or not, is now in His hands. I repented and spoke a blessing over the men working so hard to make the roads safer for everyone, and revised my attitudes. Being ill and tired is no excuse. Actually I’m doing my best to give up excusing myself, it’s a waste of time. I want to go straight to: “What’s the problem here Lord please?” 

The thing I’ve noticed is that if I am being truly honest, I also must leave behind that sickly sweet little voice – that comes from inside ME. It’s definitely not the Lord! That voice is soooo sympathetic and it says things like: “That’s OK, you can’t help it, you have a lot to deal with.” You know, not every voice we hear is the devil. Sometimes it’s just OUR FLESH! Yikes! 

Like I’ve said before, deception comes from careless choices, and there is no other place for that junk but the cross! I want to close by saying it is worth reflecting on the fact that Jesus came to serve, and to give His life as a ransom for many and He always had time for everybody – even when He was dying! So it’s no big deal if I’m asked to give a half an hour of my time, for a few hardworking road makers. 👋🏻

P 2399 Forgiveness and obedience are our best weapons of choice.

/ DVH

Forgiving others and obeying the Lord’s wishes has become our life’s work. Those two things go together. So much so, that when He shows us something as we read the bible we need to immediately ask Him: “What would You like me to do about that Lord?” And then we go and do it – using our choice not our feelings.

Initially, when the Holy Spirit checked me about stuff I was doing that wasn’t good, I didn’t like it very much. He said things like: “You have resented this person’s influence in your life, you need to start appreciating them.” That meant I had to practice taking my stray thoughts captive, and at the same time I had to stick my hand over my mouth instead of bad-mouthing someone I was mad at. Sadly, I am still not always successful at that… 

But the first thing I learnt about myself because of His instruction – was this: I had been using my thoughts and my words as a pressure valve! Anger and resentment built up inward pressure that I needed to deal with. After all your mouth is right there and it works and everything (!) and so I often used my words to cope with bad things that happened, or perceived slights and injuries caused by someone else. After a while I realised I had a really big lists of stuff (aughts) against other people (any). Bad plan BTW, keep your forgiveness lists short. “And when ye stand praying, forgive if ye have aught against any, that your Father also who is in Heaven may forgive you your trespasses.” Mark 11:25 ASV.

This is how it plays out:  let’s say you can’t stand your Uncle B. Maybe Uncle B was kind of not nice to be around. Every time you saw him as a kid you wanted to run away, or you hoped your parents would rescue you, but they were too busy socialising instead. Now, because you are an adult, when you see Uncle B. you can run for the hills, or you can even avoid family gatherings, because he is going to be there. Maybe you want to protect your kids. You don’t want them to feel like you did around him.

Here is what I have learnt. Forgiveness is harder to find for old wounds – you are going to need lots of God’s GRACE to do it. Perhaps you are also angry with your parents for not protecting you, a-n-d … you probably wouldn’t pass Uncle B. a fire extinguisher if he was on fire 🔥 … so that would be something else you need to work on. You are stuck with not only your need to forgive others, but your own past childish judgment. 

Unless you make a start by forgiving your parents for their neglect, you can easily slip into assessing what they did. It is unfortunately easy to judge our parents retrospectively and vow that we will never do that stuff to our kids! It’s a no-brainer that you will also need to forgive Uncle Bob, BTW. And you are definitely going to need help with that!! Here’s my first point. We cannot do lasting spiritual transactions, without the Holy Spirit – He knows every single detail and how to get us free. We have to start with God’s Grace and guidance to navigate past any mine-fields. (Mind-fields.)

I can’t tell you exactly what to do because every situation needing forgiveness is different … but I urge you not to postpone or avoid forgiving someone as a way to defend yourself. Neither should you avoid repentance just because it seems the other person won’t change. We cannot hinge our transformation on someone else’s behaviour! That supposed knowledge of their sin is a snare sent to trip you up. Ask for His Grace, and keep right on asking while you continue to follow Jesus. Keep praying: “I want to do what You said Lord, and I need help.” 

Unconfessed sin and a lack of repentance is a place for satan to stand in our lives. satan is a legalist, and he will use it against us – he will distract us with things that are of no consequence – while we are ignoring the thing that is tripping us up! Instead we need the Lord’s Grace and His way through. We cannot live the Christian life and experience victory if we don’t make the practice of obeying the bible a living breathing part of our lives – instead of just a using it as reference book.  

Forgiving someone does not mean we are giving them permission to continue to abuse us. Rather forgiveness is a statement, an intentional declaration, that we know that God has a bigger plan. Romans 8:28 says: “And we know [with great confidence] that God [Who is deeply concerned about us] causes all things to work together [as a plan] for good for those who love God, to those who are called according to His plan and purpose.”

His plan and His purpose is to lovingly transform us. Sometimes He will rescue us, and sometimes He wants us to act in faith, like Jesus did. I have observed as I have followed Him and embraced His purposes, that His plans for my good blow my mind. I would never have understood those plans, if I hadn’t decided to die to the way I think, obey what He said, and let Him be Lord.  

Here is my last thought for today – our God does not speak to us contrary to His word – His word is immutable – it will not change over time. Choosing to forgive, plus knowing the Word of God and choosing to obey it, is our best defence weapon. 👋🏻

P 2383 Love is not the same as … ‘Like’.

/ DVH

And love doesn’t look like tolerating others, either. Yeah, I don’t like those two sentences much myself.  But Jesus gave us clear directives about love… 1 John 3:16  “By this we know what love is: Jesus laid down His life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers.”  

Matthew 5:44-47 ““You’re familiar with the old written law, ‘Love your friend,’ and its unwritten companion, ‘Hate your enemy.’ I’m challenging that. I’m telling you to love your enemies. Let them bring out the best in you, not the worst. When someone gives you a hard time, respond with the supple moves of prayer, for then you are working out of your true selves, your God-created selves. This is what God does. He gives His best—the sun to warm and the rain to nourish—to everyone, regardless: the good and bad, the nice and nasty. If all you do is love the loveable, do you expect a bonus? Anybody can do that. If you simply say hello to those who greet you, do you expect a medal? Any run-of-the-mill sinner does that.”

John 15:12, KJV. “This is My commandment, That ye love one another, as I have loved you.” – Love is a great subject to study because it will definitely give everyone plenty to pray over and act on. It is like most things in the bible if you apply them into your life you will know about it!! Jesus said, ‘love your brothers, love your friends, and love your enemies,’ and none of that is easy. Especially when we take into account that the people who can hurt us the most are probably not our enemies! 

Here’s some stuff that has helped me to cope with dealing with people who are a black hole where love is concerned. First of all I remind myself that I don’t have to feel like it, to do it. Love is a verb not a noun – it’s something I do, not something I feel.  I deliberately bring to my mind that … ‘I can do all things through Christ because He strengthens me!’  So I ask for His strength, then I do whatever He says in the book. Take emotions out of your effort and obey instead.

In my experience feelings always come later. Sometimes MUCH later. I have people in my life that I have been loving for years, I wish I could say that living this way changed them —- but it hasn’t – not so far. Instead it is changing me. I simply need to learn to fight disappointment and resentment and as I did that, I learnt about self-control. This became another way to invest my life in the kingdom of God. And it also showed me stuff I did not know I had – until the resentment etc. bubbled up!

When you make a big effort in your own strength toward people and they flick it off like it is nothing, it takes real dedication to continue to love them. I discovered I didn’t want to make that kind of effort for careless people, because I quite quickly ran out of dedication … But when I did it for Jesus — my expectations and motivations changed. So now I do whatever I do, for HIM. I do this to obey Him. I stopped putting hope in someone else to get it right. Because Jesus is my hope, my anchor and my source of strength – I’ve learnt to put my hope in Him, not others.

This means I’ve learnt to love others literally ‘under orders,‘ and now I do whatever He tells me to do. Often a bible verse pops into my head. Previously, I had become used to being motivated by need, or human affection, or some other feeling, but there were also times that Lord asked me to do something sweet for someone else at a time when I had no desire to do it. Choosing to love in the face of lack or need is powerful. When the people you love don’t love you sacrificially, you can suddenly find a whole lot of anger you didn’t know you had!

I also learnt the wisdom of Colossians 3:23 … “…whatever you do, do it with all your heart as though you were doing it for the Lord and not for people.”. That phrase ‘and not for people’ really resonated with me. The Lord explained to me that when I did things for others, hoping they would appreciate my efforts, I was doomed to fail because I can’t ever control other people’s responses. But when I do whatever HE asks me to do, I learn obedience… plus I ‘die’ to self in the process. I am renewing my mind. 

Obedience always brings us closer to Him. The Lord Jesus was obedient.  Loving by choice is not easy, but it sure beats the heartache of ‘trying hard’ with people who have no idea how much they are hurting you! Love is not the same as human emotion – whether it is ‘like’ or ‘tolerating’ – it’s an investment in someone else as the Holy Spirit Himself leads you. 👋🏻