And love doesn’t look like tolerating others, either. Yeah, I don’t like those two sentences much myself.  But Jesus gave us clear directives about love… 1 John 3:16  “By this we know what love is: Jesus laid down His life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers.”  

Matthew 5:44-47 ““You’re familiar with the old written law, ‘Love your friend,’ and its unwritten companion, ‘Hate your enemy.’ I’m challenging that. I’m telling you to love your enemies. Let them bring out the best in you, not the worst. When someone gives you a hard time, respond with the supple moves of prayer, for then you are working out of your true selves, your God-created selves. This is what God does. He gives His best—the sun to warm and the rain to nourish—to everyone, regardless: the good and bad, the nice and nasty. If all you do is love the loveable, do you expect a bonus? Anybody can do that. If you simply say hello to those who greet you, do you expect a medal? Any run-of-the-mill sinner does that.”

John 15:12, KJV. “This is My commandment, That ye love one another, as I have loved you.” – Love is a great subject to study because it will definitely give everyone plenty to pray over and act on. It is like most things in the bible if you apply them into your life you will know about it!! Jesus said, ‘love your brothers, love your friends, and love your enemies,’ and none of that is easy. Especially when we take into account that the people who can hurt us the most are probably not our enemies! 

Here’s some stuff that has helped me to cope with dealing with people who are a black hole where love is concerned. First of all I remind myself that I don’t have to feel like it, to do it. Love is a verb not a noun – it’s something I do, not something I feel.  I deliberately bring to my mind that … ‘I can do all things through Christ because He strengthens me!’  So I ask for His strength, then I do whatever He says in the book. Take emotions out of your effort and obey instead.

In my experience feelings always come later. Sometimes MUCH later. I have people in my life that I have been loving for years, I wish I could say that living this way changed them —- but it hasn’t – not so far. Instead it is changing me. I simply need to learn to fight disappointment and resentment and as I did that, I learnt about self-control. This became another way to invest my life in the kingdom of God. And it also showed me stuff I did not know I had – until the resentment etc. bubbled up!

When you make a big effort in your own strength toward people and they flick it off like it is nothing, it takes real dedication to continue to love them. I discovered I didn’t want to make that kind of effort for careless people, because I quite quickly ran out of dedication … But when I did it for Jesus — my expectations and motivations changed. So now I do whatever I do, for HIM. I do this to obey Him. I stopped putting hope in someone else to get it right. Because Jesus is my hope, my anchor and my source of strength – I’ve learnt to put my hope in Him, not others.

This means I’ve learnt to love others literally ‘under orders,‘ and now I do whatever He tells me to do. Often a bible verse pops into my head. Previously, I had become used to being motivated by need, or human affection, or some other feeling, but there were also times that Lord asked me to do something sweet for someone else at a time when I had no desire to do it. Choosing to love in the face of lack or need is powerful. When the people you love don’t love you sacrificially, you can suddenly find a whole lot of anger you didn’t know you had!

I also learnt the wisdom of Colossians 3:23 … “…whatever you do, do it with all your heart as though you were doing it for the Lord and not for people.”. That phrase ‘and not for people’ really resonated with me. The Lord explained to me that when I did things for others, hoping they would appreciate my efforts, I was doomed to fail because I can’t ever control other people’s responses. But when I do whatever HE asks me to do, I learn obedience… plus I ‘die’ to self in the process. I am renewing my mind. 

Obedience always brings us closer to Him. The Lord Jesus was obedient.  Loving by choice is not easy, but it sure beats the heartache of ‘trying hard’ with people who have no idea how much they are hurting you! Love is not the same as human emotion – whether it is ‘like’ or ‘tolerating’ – it’s an investment in someone else as the Holy Spirit Himself leads you. 👋🏻