Forgiving others and obeying the Lord’s wishes has become our life’s work. Those two things go together. So much so, that when He shows us something as we read the bible we need to immediately ask Him: “What would You like me to do about that Lord?” And then we go and do it – using our choice not our feelings.

Initially, when the Holy Spirit checked me about stuff I was doing that wasn’t good, I didn’t like it very much. He said things like: “You have resented this person’s influence in your life, you need to start appreciating them.” That meant I had to practice taking my stray thoughts captive, and at the same time I had to stick my hand over my mouth instead of bad-mouthing someone I was mad at. Sadly, I am still not always successful at that… 

But the first thing I learnt about myself because of His instruction – was this: I had been using my thoughts and my words as a pressure valve! Anger and resentment built up inward pressure that I needed to deal with. After all your mouth is right there and it works and everything (!) and so I often used my words to cope with bad things that happened, or perceived slights and injuries caused by someone else. After a while I realised I had a really big lists of stuff (aughts) against other people (any). Bad plan BTW, keep your forgiveness lists short. “And when ye stand praying, forgive if ye have aught against any, that your Father also who is in Heaven may forgive you your trespasses.” Mark 11:25 ASV.

This is how it plays out:  let’s say you can’t stand your Uncle B. Maybe Uncle B was kind of not nice to be around. Every time you saw him as a kid you wanted to run away, or you hoped your parents would rescue you, but they were too busy socialising instead. Now, because you are an adult, when you see Uncle B. you can run for the hills, or you can even avoid family gatherings, because he is going to be there. Maybe you want to protect your kids. You don’t want them to feel like you did around him.

Here is what I have learnt. Forgiveness is harder to find for old wounds – you are going to need lots of God’s GRACE to do it. Perhaps you are also angry with your parents for not protecting you, a-n-d … you probably wouldn’t pass Uncle B. a fire extinguisher if he was on fire 🔥 … so that would be something else you need to work on. You are stuck with not only your need to forgive others, but your own past childish judgment. 

Unless you make a start by forgiving your parents for their neglect, you can easily slip into assessing what they did. It is unfortunately easy to judge our parents retrospectively and vow that we will never do that stuff to our kids! It’s a no-brainer that you will also need to forgive Uncle Bob, BTW. And you are definitely going to need help with that!! Here’s my first point. We cannot do lasting spiritual transactions, without the Holy Spirit – He knows every single detail and how to get us free. We have to start with God’s Grace and guidance to navigate past any mine-fields. (Mind-fields.)

I can’t tell you exactly what to do because every situation needing forgiveness is different … but I urge you not to postpone or avoid forgiving someone as a way to defend yourself. Neither should you avoid repentance just because it seems the other person won’t change. We cannot hinge our transformation on someone else’s behaviour! That supposed knowledge of their sin is a snare sent to trip you up. Ask for His Grace, and keep right on asking while you continue to follow Jesus. Keep praying: “I want to do what You said Lord, and I need help.” 

Unconfessed sin and a lack of repentance is a place for satan to stand in our lives. satan is a legalist, and he will use it against us – he will distract us with things that are of no consequence – while we are ignoring the thing that is tripping us up! Instead we need the Lord’s Grace and His way through. We cannot live the Christian life and experience victory if we don’t make the practice of obeying the bible a living breathing part of our lives – instead of just a using it as reference book.  

Forgiving someone does not mean we are giving them permission to continue to abuse us. Rather forgiveness is a statement, an intentional declaration, that we know that God has a bigger plan. Romans 8:28 says: “And we know [with great confidence] that God [Who is deeply concerned about us] causes all things to work together [as a plan] for good for those who love God, to those who are called according to His plan and purpose.”

His plan and His purpose is to lovingly transform us. Sometimes He will rescue us, and sometimes He wants us to act in faith, like Jesus did. I have observed as I have followed Him and embraced His purposes, that His plans for my good blow my mind. I would never have understood those plans, if I hadn’t decided to die to the way I think, obey what He said, and let Him be Lord.  

Here is my last thought for today – our God does not speak to us contrary to His word – His word is immutable – it will not change over time. Choosing to forgive, plus knowing the Word of God and choosing to obey it, is our best defence weapon. 👋🏻