Anger

P 2399 Forgiveness and obedience are our best weapons of choice.

/ DVH

Forgiving others and obeying the Lord’s wishes has become our life’s work. Those two things go together. So much so, that when He shows us something as we read the bible we need to immediately ask Him: “What would You like me to do about that Lord?” And then we go and do it – using our choice not our feelings.

Initially, when the Holy Spirit checked me about stuff I was doing that wasn’t good, I didn’t like it very much. He said things like: “You have resented this person’s influence in your life, you need to start appreciating them.” That meant I had to practice taking my stray thoughts captive, and at the same time I had to stick my hand over my mouth instead of bad-mouthing someone I was mad at. Sadly, I am still not always successful at that… 

But the first thing I learnt about myself because of His instruction – was this: I had been using my thoughts and my words as a pressure valve! Anger and resentment built up inward pressure that I needed to deal with. After all your mouth is right there and it works and everything (!) and so I often used my words to cope with bad things that happened, or perceived slights and injuries caused by someone else. After a while I realised I had a really big lists of stuff (aughts) against other people (any). Bad plan BTW, keep your forgiveness lists short. “And when ye stand praying, forgive if ye have aught against any, that your Father also who is in Heaven may forgive you your trespasses.” Mark 11:25 ASV.

This is how it plays out:  let’s say you can’t stand your Uncle B. Maybe Uncle B was kind of not nice to be around. Every time you saw him as a kid you wanted to run away, or you hoped your parents would rescue you, but they were too busy socialising instead. Now, because you are an adult, when you see Uncle B. you can run for the hills, or you can even avoid family gatherings, because he is going to be there. Maybe you want to protect your kids. You don’t want them to feel like you did around him.

Here is what I have learnt. Forgiveness is harder to find for old wounds – you are going to need lots of God’s GRACE to do it. Perhaps you are also angry with your parents for not protecting you, a-n-d … you probably wouldn’t pass Uncle B. a fire extinguisher if he was on fire 🔥 … so that would be something else you need to work on. You are stuck with not only your need to forgive others, but your own past childish judgment. 

Unless you make a start by forgiving your parents for their neglect, you can easily slip into assessing what they did. It is unfortunately easy to judge our parents retrospectively and vow that we will never do that stuff to our kids! It’s a no-brainer that you will also need to forgive Uncle Bob, BTW. And you are definitely going to need help with that!! Here’s my first point. We cannot do lasting spiritual transactions, without the Holy Spirit – He knows every single detail and how to get us free. We have to start with God’s Grace and guidance to navigate past any mine-fields. (Mind-fields.)

I can’t tell you exactly what to do because every situation needing forgiveness is different … but I urge you not to postpone or avoid forgiving someone as a way to defend yourself. Neither should you avoid repentance just because it seems the other person won’t change. We cannot hinge our transformation on someone else’s behaviour! That supposed knowledge of their sin is a snare sent to trip you up. Ask for His Grace, and keep right on asking while you continue to follow Jesus. Keep praying: “I want to do what You said Lord, and I need help.” 

Unconfessed sin and a lack of repentance is a place for satan to stand in our lives. satan is a legalist, and he will use it against us – he will distract us with things that are of no consequence – while we are ignoring the thing that is tripping us up! Instead we need the Lord’s Grace and His way through. We cannot live the Christian life and experience victory if we don’t make the practice of obeying the bible a living breathing part of our lives – instead of just a using it as reference book.  

Forgiving someone does not mean we are giving them permission to continue to abuse us. Rather forgiveness is a statement, an intentional declaration, that we know that God has a bigger plan. Romans 8:28 says: “And we know [with great confidence] that God [Who is deeply concerned about us] causes all things to work together [as a plan] for good for those who love God, to those who are called according to His plan and purpose.”

His plan and His purpose is to lovingly transform us. Sometimes He will rescue us, and sometimes He wants us to act in faith, like Jesus did. I have observed as I have followed Him and embraced His purposes, that His plans for my good blow my mind. I would never have understood those plans, if I hadn’t decided to die to the way I think, obey what He said, and let Him be Lord.  

Here is my last thought for today – our God does not speak to us contrary to His word – His word is immutable – it will not change over time. Choosing to forgive, plus knowing the Word of God and choosing to obey it, is our best defence weapon. 👋🏻

P 2386 Headlines from today are in the book. “Children will lead.”

/ DVH

Isaiah 3:1-7 “The Master, God-of-the-Angel-Armies, is emptying Jerusalem and Judah Of all the basic necessities, plain bread and water to begin with.He’s withdrawing police and protection, judges and courts, pastors and teachers, captains and generals, doctors and nurses, and, yes, even the repairmen and jacks-of-all-trades. He says, “I’ll put little kids in charge of the city. Schoolboys and schoolgirls will order everyone around. People will be at each other’s throats, stabbing one another in the back: Neighbour against neighbour, young against old, the no-account against the well-respected. One brother will grab another and say, ‘You look like you’ve got a head on your shoulders. Do something! Get us out of this mess. And he’ll say, ‘Me? Not me! I don’t have a clue. Don’t put me in charge of anything.’”

The Lord gave me one sentence this morning, and that’s the title of today’s blog. I looked up the phrase and found about a billion verses about how to be nice to kids, but I couldn’t find this particular one He put on my heart. However, I have learnt to persevere, plus hubby prayed for me, so I found it. Yay Isaiah! And if, per chance you think that I picked this version on purpose you would be right … but it says the same thing in all the versions. You would do well to go back and read it again because it reads like the newspaper and TV headlines.

I was gobsmacked. I tried to highlight any bits that spoke to me, and I simply couldn’t … all of it was relevant in today’s world. Scary huh?? This is what the Lord said to me: “My heart is grieving and bleeding for your kids.” BTW that’s not just your kids or my kids or even our grandkids – He means the kids that are out there right now, on our streets terrorising our neighbourhoods. We helped put them into those greedy grasping authority-defying attitudes when we refused to discipline them. We got “enlightened” … and decided our kids didn’t need smacking because the little darlings were basically good.

Maybe because you and I went to church and we drew our own kids in a little closer and hid them under the umbrella of ‘God’s kids’ and prayed and prayed for them, scared silly of what might happen to them. You know we can get so busy trying to protect our kids – that we forget about all the other kids who are now running riot in our streets!  BUT … “There is no fear in love …!!!”  Ya might want to think about that one.

Then Big Brother came along and threatened us with child abuse and told us he would throw us in jail if we didn’t stop smacking them. So we let fear rule – and these kids … who don’t know how to control themselves, were loose – doing what comes naturally all over the place. We’ve forgotten who the ruler of this world is! he grabbed them and dragged them down. Those kids are our future. Think on this, satan could not have offered Jesus any kingdom if the other guy did not already own them. We live in enemy territory – that’s why it is a bad idea to make ourselves at home here!

The bible has many helpful hints on parenting. “Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it.” (Proverbs 22:6)“Do not withhold correction from a child, For if you beat him with a rod, he will not die. You shall beat him with a rod, And deliver his soul from hell.” Proverbs 23:13-14 “Parents, don’t provoke your children in a way that ends up discouraging them.”’ (Colossians 3:21)

BTW, disciplining in anger is a really bad idea. Both the child and the parent need a time out – the parent needs to work on patience and the child needs boundaries. A child needs to learn that it cannot allow self-expression to rule the family. Being part of something bigger and Godly, is protection not oppression, it is Grace. How you and the Lord work that out for each child is between you and Him.

I don’t think I will be part of the generation who will solve this serious problem with angry children raging about doing others great harm. But we can pray, because we know our Heavenly Father loves those kids. He put judgment on Jesus, and just because they don’t know that fact, that does not change the reality. We need to treat them like kids who need guidance and instruction and teach them His kind of love. And pray that He will save them from themselves.

We must pray for God to raise up people who will personally pray and love them in spite of their anger and selfishness as well as reach out to them. We must not cede our responsibilities to the state, because the state’s answers are not Godly. The state does the immediate, it rarely thinks long-term – they neither ask for, nor walk in His wisdom. God has a way for these kids to go so they won’t depart from it.  We simply need His wisdom, His way and the saints need to pray.

Let’s start asking the Holy Spirit how He wants us to reach out to other people’s kids in our area. We need God-given strategies. The Holy Spirit knows the way through anything! GOD LOVES THOSE KIDS, and, right now, in this world, WE are His hands and feet. Bye.  👋🏻 🦶🏻

P 2244 Avoiding sin.

/ DVH

Genesis 4:5-7 MSG “God liked Abel and his offering, but Cain and his offering didn’t get His approval. Cain lost his temper and went into a sulk. God spoke to Cain: “Why this tantrum? Why the sulking? If you do well, won’t you be accepted? And if you don’t do well, sin is lying in wait for you, ready to pounce; it’s out to get you, you’ve got to master it.” 

My first point is this – Cain wasn’t mad at Abel – he was actually mad at God’s response to his sacrifice. The thing is, it is sometimes easier to get angry with the person who is standing next to you – than it is to tackle the real problem. The place to turn away from sin isn’t afterward … it’s before it grabs hold of you. In this passage, Cain seems unaware, or unconcerned about his own weaknesses and where they will lead him. He simply exhibits envy and jealousy. Recognising what is going on inside us, is a key to stopping or pushing the pause button on something before it starts.

Brooding is a useless thing to do. Nasty things grow in hidden places. At the moment the Lord identified those stirrings in Cain it would have been opportune for this man to pause and acknowledge his sin. But he didn’t. I’ve found that anger is an emotion that loves to escalate – it can grow into resentment and bitterness very quickly. Let’s be clear, the Lord was trying to help Cain to recognise he was in danger of doing worse things than getting angry – but Cain was not happy to be uncovered, and have his fault identified. Often this scenario has nothing whatsoever to do with the person who is trying to get the truth out – they want to help!

Learning to recognise our triggers is part of overcoming the potential for sin, so I ask the Holy Spirit to help me with this process. We all have blind spots, and as we recover from painful things that have happened in our past, we will hopefully mature enough to ask our partner, or someone else close to us, to help us to pause, think about it, and then turn to the Holy Spirit for His help. BTW, the other person in a disagreement does have some responsibility… 

… here’s a red hot tip if you happen to be that other person. “A soft word turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Proverbs 15:1. Kindness and understanding at the moment of impact can turn an angry person around, and give them breathing space. Then they can recover and realise they are headed down the wrong road on a skateboard… and there is a hairpin bend coming up rapidly! We can help each other with our faults, if and when we all want transformation, more than being right.

Unfortunately this confrontation between Cain and Abel escalates – and the next stage is harder to turn away from. When we get into retaliation we have entered the going-down-the-drain stage. It is not impossible, but it is very difficult to come back from there. This is because we have invested in the drama with our own words and attitudes, and now we have an ax to grind about it all. A point to prove. A beach-head to defend! It is hard to recover when you feel under attack – but it is not impossible with His help.

In this case we all know Cain’s last step was to kill his brother, and then he lied about it. The place to stop murder is in our thoughts, not when we’ve entered into out-of-control anger. By then our emotions are totally in charge. This is why the bible says we need to renew our minds. Our natural minds are defensive, and we go into “protect me” mode whether there is a danger or not. BTW, when the Lord told Cain he was now cursed for shedding his brother’s blood, Cain also lost his role in society. He was a farmer, and he could no longer successfully tend the ground because of what he had done. 

Mastery of any sin starts in our thought life, not in our words or actions. James 3:2 says: “For we all stumble in many ways. And if anyone does not stumble in what he says, he is a perfect man, able also to bridle his whole body.”  👋🏻

PS A disclaimer: despite the last three blogs featuring pictures about physical activity, I have not joined a gym. My main physical exercise is getting out of my chair to go to the loo! 😂

P 2150 Shame is no longer welcome in our lives.

/ DVH

Some of my very favourite people on this planet are perfectionists. Oh boy! That kind of trait will dig a hole and bury you in it!  Unfortunately, when you can’t meet your own inner standards, shame can be a constant companion. Shame damages the recipient and accomplishes nothing, spiritually speaking, because it has its roots in fear of failure. Actively absorbing perfect love will chuck all sorts of fear out of the window!

Shame also makes you disappointed and angry at others, because many other people give up their efforts to change, w-a-y too quickly, and people driven by shame often struggle with making comparisons. We are adults, and we are responsible for our own actions and choices, so we need to watch out for shame, resentment, anger, fear, pride etc. before they grow into trees with bitter roots. Meanwhile, any perfectionists I know are always pushing themselves to meet some sort of imaginary impossible target, and wondering why they feel exhausted every day of the week.

Sadly they don’t make any room for their own weaknesses and humanity, and they end up feeling disappointed with themselves, out of sorts, and wondering where their God-declared peace went! They can get cranky at this person or that system. They are the kind of people who would easily score 100% on a test and wonder why they didn’t get 110%! 😱 They are most probably fans of Superman because he can do anything! Yet the very thing that pushes them on, is also their kryptonite.  And that is  … shame. The shame that assails them with ‘not good enough.’

This trait is one of the larger blights on Christianity because in the past the church has used – and sometimes even still uses – shame, to change people’s behaviour. Transformation comes from renewing our minds, and staying in a close relationship to the Lord – not from hating yourself – that BTW is the other guy. 

Perfectionists like to accentuate perceived faults and ignore the normality of humanity’s weaknesses. These people may be tough on you – but, believe me, they are even tougher on themselves! You will never feel completely satisfied with anything when you walk with shame. It can feel like self defence when you attack others for no reason. I’ve read a little bit on this subject over the years, and I found that people who allow shame to push them around can have a form of inverted pride. That’s a big clue with dealing with this issue. You can repent of pride, inverted or not! Pride, BTW, refuses to accept reality, which is we are all sinners saved by His GRACE. The only Person who is totally right is Christ and He gave us His rightness. (Or righteousness) We live there by faith.

We can get rid of those things that mess with our mind like these things do – stuff that easily weighs us down – (please note the word easily). We do that at the foot of the cross. At the cross Jesus bore all our sins, burdens, shame, hypocrisy, spite, pride and anger … just to mention a few things! The point is to off-load them there and leave them there, then exercise your faith that what He said He did He did. And then, we REPENT – we cannot leave that bit out – so with His help and guidance, we choose to challenge and change our behaviour.

So today I have a couple of diagnostic questions. If you were to look at Jesus what would you see? Would you see SomeOne Who did everything perfectly and set a standard you cannot possibly attain … OR …

… would you see the CROSS first? Ya might want to selah on that for a couple of months or so. 🧐

The Lord’s death took care of our weaknesses and infirmities, and I believe that shame etc. is both a weakness, and an infirmity.  “Surely He has borne our griefs (sicknesses, weaknesses, and distresses) and carried our sorrows and pains [of punishment], yet we [ignorantly] considered Him stricken, smitten, and afflicted by God [as if with leprosy].” Isaiah 53:4. So please don’t be ignorant when you look at the cross! Understanding what happened there will absolutely change your life. An exchange was made. Our sin for His right standing in the Father’s eyes – it would be a shame if we knew that but never lived it out. Please excuse my terrible pun!

Jesus took shame and everything else to the cross by hanging there naked, subject to everyone’s inappropriate, self-serving lies and abuse. People misunderstood His very motivation. They attributed evil things to His Godly, passionate, unselfish act. He finished the job that day, so we don’t have to carry shame for our past, or even what we did yesterday – or who we were before we met Him. Today is a brand new day and His mercies are new every single morning. We have no excuse however, for not seeking and pursuing change, because what Christ did made permanent, life-time changes freely available for all of us. We were reborn to be transformed into His likeness.

When Father God sees us now, He sees us IN Christ, covered with the Lord Jesus’ blood. Our part in this new life is to realise Jesus’ blood was costly to the Father, Son and the Holy Spirit. Sin, shame, weaknesses are not stagnant things, they grow like fungus and mould. So let the light and fresh wind of the Holy Spirit blow across your mind, will, and emotions, every single day!  On purpose. Let Him stop you in the middle of a sentence if that sentence is not helpful to your new life in Christ. We will stagnate spiritually if we do not pay attention to what is happening inside us. That’s where things like shame grab a foothold. 

You and I have no excuse for staying in the past, or letting it control us, and we have no excuse whatsoever for allowing the past to dominate the present. We have a Saviour Who conquered all the stuff that seeks to trip us up. We simply must watch where we put our feet and give our enemy nothing to stand on – like Jesus did!. 👋🏻

P 2106 I have a gift for you…and it’s a big one!

/ DVH

It’s 4.02am at my house – and I was awake, thinking about YOU and praying for you. I thought about a gift that I would like to send to you, with love, for Christmas. 🤗 So here it is 🎁  …”Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him : do not fret when people succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes. Refrain from anger and turn from wrath;  do not fret—it leads only to evil  For those who are evil will be destroyed, but those who hope in the Lord will inherit the land.” Psalm 37:7-9 Presents often look pretty on the outside, but it’s actually what’s inside that counts. Let’s ‘unwrap’ this one.

So, the above scripture is my gift to you for today. What does it mean to: ‘be still before the Lord?’ For me it means give up. Give up whatever it is that is bugging me, making me cry, or causing me awful pain – LET. IT.GO. I know I sound like a Disney movie (!!) ❄️ But doing this works. And after that, every single time I start churning away about whatever it is that is bothering me – I let it go again. I’ve learnt that I need to give myself breathing space when it comes to difficult situations – being hurt or angry uses up a whole lot of energy! 

Meanwhile can I suggest you take tissues, tea, coffee, or water with you when you go and sit somewhere where you won’t be disturbed?  And please try to refrain from punching walls! 💥 Sadly you will only hurt yourself and then you will have physical pain as well as mental and emotional anguish. 🙄 Now, sit down and mentally, prayerfully, push the problem away from you. I usually tell the Lord … and yes, this happens to me quite often! … “I can’t do this anymore, and I’m absolutely sure I’m stuck. I need a new plan. I can’t fix … (insert whatever it is) … so I’m giving it to You, I don’t want it anymore.”

‘This thing’ – the current problem, could be a difficult situation, or a person who acts like your enemy, or even unanswered prayer. The first thing that needs to be realised is that when we give something to Jesus – it isn’t lost. I haven’t thrown it away, I SIMPLY GAVE IT TO SOMEONE WAY BETTER AT FIXING THINGS THAN I AM. I can still see the problem, but now I’ve taken my hands off it.  BTW, don’t make excuses for the other person. That is a dead end street, unless the Lord gives you something that you know to be true, and then you can pray FOR them. But excusing other people’s behaviour eventually leads to compounding your own frustration. Plus I’ve found that you can get very tired very quickly when the other person stays where they are – and you appear to be doing all the work! 

Next, I talk to Him about how I feel about whatever it is. This bit is extremely important, but please don’t get stuck there! We can end up building hatred and anger inside us if we revise who did what and start surmising why they did it or how it happened. (This is the “refraining from anger and turning away from wrath” bit.) The important thing is to get YOU out of the way and get whatever it is into the Lord’s hands. Then I simply repent. I remind myself that I am talking to Jesus and if I cannot be honest with Him, then He and I have a problem! Maybe I have tipped over into bitterness – which is another good place to humble myself and repent. 

I don’t have to feel bad about being honest with the Lord, He personally took my sin and nailed it to the cross. He already knows what I did. I usually spend a while doing this, mulling over my own responses and how I contributed to what happened. Then I admit that I wanted to thump whoever it was, but now I am over it … or not … as the case may be. “Help help” works here. Then I ask Him to heal my heart from the awful pain of betrayal and grief inside. I tell Him I want to change and I am prepared to fight my own natural responses so I can give Him room to change them.

Then I follow the instructions in the scripture and I exercise the power of choice. I may still feel incredibly angry … but, nevertheless, I still have a choice. This is part of relinquishment. We need to understand that we are powerless to change things, or other people, and we can get very stuck with their awful choices. But the point is, we don’t want to let their bad choices ruin our walk with Jesus – or our own lives! The Psalmist says: ‘do not fret when people get their own way. and it hurts you…’ (My translation) Trust me, I too have a long list of people that I know who qualify for that statement – but that does not negate my own responsibility.

Did you get the bit that says: ‘they succeed in their ways.’ Yeah. 😶 They wanted to hurt you and they did, and they meant to do it! But what are you gunna do about it? Are you going to let a person who intends to hurt you, control your life, your thoughts, your actions, your responses? Personally, I want Jesus to be  in charge – He faced a lot of mean people in His time and He knows how to do this stuff and get through it. BTW if I feel overwhelmed with pain, it is OK to let Him comfort me, because He was overwhelmed too. I remind myself that HE has a plan for me – it’s for my good. 

Plus, He is wa-ay smarter than my enemy. He knows how to get through this thing without it taking away my peace. That is why it is good to put Him in charge. He is so brilliant, He can take what was meant to harm me and work it together for my own good. And at the same time, He has a plan for the other person/people too. EVERYBODY BENEFITS WHEN WE PUT JESUS IN CHARGE. People who are deliberately malicious don’t get away with their actions – they will eventually have to face HIM – this Psalm says so! “…and it is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God.”

At this moment in the process of unwrapping this present, you and I have another choice. The problem, or person, and/or the situation, is now over there, with the Lord. Will we walk away and leave it there? Or will we feel temporarily better from sharing, crying, yelling etc., and talking to Him … and then go and pick it up again as we leave? Or will we walk away free – knowing that the King of the Universe has got our back, and He is going to use this difficult situation to increase our trust in His goodness. Enjoy the present and have a great day. 👋🏻

PS. Hands on – my problem … Hands off – His problem.