“Trust in the Lord completely, and do not rely on your own opinions. With all your heart rely on Him to guide you, and He will lead you in every decision you make. Become intimate with Him in whatever you do, and He will lead you wherever you go.” Proverbs 3:5-6 TPT.

Living like this scripture says needs dedication. However, to be honest with you, when the Lord first brought this subject up with me, I kind of avoided it. I thought living like Jesus did was for the special people – the ones who had spiritual gifts and titles. I was just a bod. A nobody. Someone’s wife, someone’s mother, someone’s daughter. Jesus didn’t buy that little story when I kept trotting it out, BTW.

Due to circumstances totally beyond my control – prior to meeting the Lord, I had never had a life of my own that came from my own choices. I literally went from parental oversight to my ex-husband’s plans, and my own preferences didn’t come into it. My personal choices were framed by a threat of rejection, and that influenced me regarding total surrender. I did not want to give up my choices to SomeOne Else.

Inner rebellion grabbed me – plus I didn’t know how to change. I’d go up the front when the pastor called for the congregation to make a deeper commitment to Christ, and I’d cry my eyes out, then go home and  … wait for God to do His bit.  I had no thought that I would have to change my responses, and attitudes with His help. Or that I had to see my old life through His eyes, and TOGETHER we were going to walk away from the things I did, thought and said before.

I asked Him to help me, because at that time, I thought transformation relied upon what He did. Eventually I came to the erroneous conclusion that because He hadn’t changed this or that in my behaviour, then the things I did must not bother Him. I had blinded my eyes to the scripture and by doing so, I lost my hearing as well — mainly because I kept choosing to excuse myself from any participation! God is so kind, I reasoned – I knew He would understand that my life had not prepared me for this. Well, He is kind and He did forgive me  – but the reality was that I stayed in the same place because of those choices. I was not growing, or maturing – instead it was hard work not to go backwards!

Despite my squirrelled up thinking, Father God never rejected me. Not even once. At one stage I walked away thinking He could not possibly want me now, and I hid. I stopped going to church. Well we all know how hiding from God turns out … thank you Gideon and Jonah! However, the Lord, in His incredible Grace came after me. Father God is so much more faithful than we understand — He does not give up on us. He did not give up on me, and He won’t give up on you either!  

I had no comprehension of how faith works, so when the pastor preached that we were to ‘love others’ I automatically thought of someone I didn’t get along with at all, and I tried my best to love them. I did it using my own strength. Of course the Holy Spirit wanted to help me do what God asked of me, but without His help I failed. All that other person had to do was snarl at me, or be mean, and I would immediately run away like a scared rabbit – and then I went back to complaining about them behind their back. I felt imprisoned by other people’s attitudes which did not change – I had no sense of freedom.

The truth is, I didn’t know what was in my own heart – and I wasn’t sure I wanted to either! It takes pressure to show us what is really in our hearts. Our reaction to pressure is not a whoopsie, or a little error, it is a diagnostic tool. It shows us what’s really in there … hiding away amongst the pleasant smiles and happy little testimonies. Things like judgment can hover away in the background influencing the way we think. Plus, when bad things happen it can be far too easy to complain. Complaining seems normal, because we are human. I had no idea, at all, about how faith works and I took no responsibility for my responses to difficulties. Instead I made excuses for myself. James talks about the real issue, our lack of ability to change ourselves: chapter 3, verses 7-16. 

“This is scary: You can tame a tiger, but you can’t tame a tongue—it’s never been done. The tongue runs wild, a wanton killer. With our tongues we bless God our Father; with the same tongues we curse the very men and women He made in His image. Curses and blessings out of the same mouth! My friends, this can’t go on. A spring doesn’t gush fresh water one day and brackish the next, does it? Apple trees don’t bear strawberries, do they? Raspberry bushes don’t bear apples, do they? You’re not going to dip into a polluted mud hole and get a cup of clear, cool water, are you? Do you want to be counted wise, to build a reputation for wisdom? Here’s what you do: Live well, live wisely, live humbly. It’s the way you live, not the way you talk, that counts.” 

When we choose to merely tackle the outcome of the things we do, we are not tackling the root of these issues in our lives. The truth is, we don’t have to be afraid or ashamed of owning our faults because Jesus took all of that to the cross. Everything. Not some of it … all of it. Now we need to humble ourselves and ask for forgiveness and learn to rely upon Him, and use our faith. Jesus forgave us unreservedly … so we have more than enough Grace to give away, which will flow on, to others.

The only claim to fame you and I have ever had is that we know Jesus Christ personally. The thing is — we aren’t  just meant to ‘know’ Him or say that we ‘follow’ Him. Jesus learned obedience through suffering … and SO DO WE. The same Spirit Who was in the Lord Jesus, is now in us, He wants to  teach us personally, how to follow the Lord, step by step. But that will require participation and dedication. Bye. 👋