Wife

P 3478 Participation and dedication.

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“Trust in the Lord completely, and do not rely on your own opinions. With all your heart rely on Him to guide you, and He will lead you in every decision you make. Become intimate with Him in whatever you do, and He will lead you wherever you go.” Proverbs 3:5-6 TPT.

Living like this scripture says needs dedication. However, to be honest with you, when the Lord first brought this subject up with me, I kind of avoided it. I thought living like Jesus did was for the special people – the ones who had spiritual gifts and titles. I was just a bod. A nobody. Someone’s wife, someone’s mother, someone’s daughter. Jesus didn’t buy that little story when I kept trotting it out, BTW.

Due to circumstances totally beyond my control – prior to meeting the Lord, I had never had a life of my own that came from my own choices. I literally went from parental oversight to my ex-husband’s plans, and my own preferences didn’t come into it. My personal choices were framed by a threat of rejection, and that influenced me regarding total surrender. I did not want to give up my choices to SomeOne Else.

Inner rebellion grabbed me – plus I didn’t know how to change. I’d go up the front when the pastor called for the congregation to make a deeper commitment to Christ, and I’d cry my eyes out, then go home and  … wait for God to do His bit.  I had no thought that I would have to change my responses, and attitudes with His help. Or that I had to see my old life through His eyes, and TOGETHER we were going to walk away from the things I did, thought and said before.

I asked Him to help me, because at that time, I thought transformation relied upon what He did. Eventually I came to the erroneous conclusion that because He hadn’t changed this or that in my behaviour, then the things I did must not bother Him. I had blinded my eyes to the scripture and by doing so, I lost my hearing as well — mainly because I kept choosing to excuse myself from any participation! God is so kind, I reasoned – I knew He would understand that my life had not prepared me for this. Well, He is kind and He did forgive me  – but the reality was that I stayed in the same place because of those choices. I was not growing, or maturing – instead it was hard work not to go backwards!

Despite my squirrelled up thinking, Father God never rejected me. Not even once. At one stage I walked away thinking He could not possibly want me now, and I hid. I stopped going to church. Well we all know how hiding from God turns out … thank you Gideon and Jonah! However, the Lord, in His incredible Grace came after me. Father God is so much more faithful than we understand — He does not give up on us. He did not give up on me, and He won’t give up on you either!  

I had no comprehension of how faith works, so when the pastor preached that we were to ‘love others’ I automatically thought of someone I didn’t get along with at all, and I tried my best to love them. I did it using my own strength. Of course the Holy Spirit wanted to help me do what God asked of me, but without His help I failed. All that other person had to do was snarl at me, or be mean, and I would immediately run away like a scared rabbit – and then I went back to complaining about them behind their back. I felt imprisoned by other people’s attitudes which did not change – I had no sense of freedom.

The truth is, I didn’t know what was in my own heart – and I wasn’t sure I wanted to either! It takes pressure to show us what is really in our hearts. Our reaction to pressure is not a whoopsie, or a little error, it is a diagnostic tool. It shows us what’s really in there … hiding away amongst the pleasant smiles and happy little testimonies. Things like judgment can hover away in the background influencing the way we think. Plus, when bad things happen it can be far too easy to complain. Complaining seems normal, because we are human. I had no idea, at all, about how faith works and I took no responsibility for my responses to difficulties. Instead I made excuses for myself. James talks about the real issue, our lack of ability to change ourselves: chapter 3, verses 7-16. 

“This is scary: You can tame a tiger, but you can’t tame a tongue—it’s never been done. The tongue runs wild, a wanton killer. With our tongues we bless God our Father; with the same tongues we curse the very men and women He made in His image. Curses and blessings out of the same mouth! My friends, this can’t go on. A spring doesn’t gush fresh water one day and brackish the next, does it? Apple trees don’t bear strawberries, do they? Raspberry bushes don’t bear apples, do they? You’re not going to dip into a polluted mud hole and get a cup of clear, cool water, are you? Do you want to be counted wise, to build a reputation for wisdom? Here’s what you do: Live well, live wisely, live humbly. It’s the way you live, not the way you talk, that counts.” 

When we choose to merely tackle the outcome of the things we do, we are not tackling the root of these issues in our lives. The truth is, we don’t have to be afraid or ashamed of owning our faults because Jesus took all of that to the cross. Everything. Not some of it … all of it. Now we need to humble ourselves and ask for forgiveness and learn to rely upon Him, and use our faith. Jesus forgave us unreservedly … so we have more than enough Grace to give away, which will flow on, to others.

The only claim to fame you and I have ever had is that we know Jesus Christ personally. The thing is — we aren’t  just meant to ‘know’ Him or say that we ‘follow’ Him. Jesus learned obedience through suffering … and SO DO WE. The same Spirit Who was in the Lord Jesus, is now in us, He wants to  teach us personally, how to follow the Lord, step by step. But that will require participation and dedication. Bye. 👋

P 3286 Cling to Him

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Jeremiah 9:23: “This is what the Lord says:“Let not the wise boast of their wisdom or the strong boast of their strength or the rich boast of their riches, but let the one who boasts boast about this: that they have the understanding to know Me, that I am the Lord, who exercises kindness, justice and righteousness on earth, for in these I delight,” declares the Lord.” V25-26: “The days are coming,” declares the Lord, “when I will punish all who are circumcised only in the flesh— Egypt, Judah, Edom, Ammon, Moab and all who live in the wilderness in distant places. For all these nations are really uncircumcised, and even the whole house of Israel is uncircumcised in heart.”

This is the Lord’s pronouncement over Israel, He is throughly sick and tired of these people who say ‘yes’ but do ‘no.’  He makes it perfectly clear that being rich, popular, strong, and wise in this world’s ways, is not for His kids. What He is looking for is a people who know Him, and know His ways, and love Him so much they will follow Him wherever He goes.  And because of those deliberate choices then His ways will show up in every attitude and action they take. First of all let’s look at what delights God and what is His benchmark, because the Holy Spirit very kindly gave us a list!

He loves kindness, righteousness and justice. He operates from those things. It will never be enough to read the words and nod and smile, or even wipe away a tear. Crying is easy, changing is not! However, whenever  God speaks, He is telling us about Himself and we need to listen to Him. The Jewish people were not wrong in their desire to please Him but pleasing quickly turned into placating. They carefully implemented 613 laws to make sure everyone did what He wanted – and woe betide any Wally that tried to do anything else! They were punished by the religious. These dear people put Almighty God into a box of His own design. The glorious box He called Mercy and Grace, they misused the Mercy Seat and then they walked away from personally knowing Him. The Mercy Seat is a place of meeting, not just dropping off your sins like a dry cleaner! The thing that is heartbreaking is, He is so easy to know. He told us what He likes and doesn’t like. 

 
Where His chosen people missed what He was saying, was that they legislated something that was meant to flow out of willing obedience, compassion and a desire to honour Him. He wanted the Jewish people to love His Ways —not just salute the flag and run back into their old habits. Only to front up at Yom Kippur and pay the set price for their disobedience, lack of loyalty etc… once a year!  He is saying that lovingly, and willingly honouring His ways is the way we love Him. “But He’s already made it plain how to live, what to do, what God is looking for in men and women. It’s quite simple: Do what is fair and just to your neighbour, be compassionate and loyal in your love, And don’t take yourself too seriously— take God seriously.” Micah 6:8.  

You might want to pause and think on that.  Almighty God isn’t just looking for a transitory relationship— a sometimes on, sometimes off again, depending on their mood — a girlfriend. He wants a pure and holy wife for His Son! Father God is a parent. He wants someone worthy of His Son Jesus, and all Jesus has done for us — to be His Son’s precious Bride. Someone who is willing to have the Lord cut away everything that has taken up residence in our hearts that can defile us. Sadly, sometimes those things also define us – yet we are proud of them. His people back then were circumcised to show to the world around them that they were His children, but their hearts remained unaltered. The question I want to ask today is this: has our heart, life and attitude been altered by following the Lord Jesus? Or do we settle for the outward appearance of being ‘church people’ without any inner conviction and subsequent changes to our lives.

 
Do you want to truly delight God? Then let Him circumcise your heart. Not just fill you up with more information, more rules, or sadly, even more failure. Instead, surrender your whole life to Him, like Jesus surrendered His whole life for you – willingly, joyfully, devotedly. Falling in love cannot ever be a set of rules, it is a process of choosing to get to know each other, enjoying the other person’s ways. The Lord Jesus is totally acquainted with each one of us, who we really are. He already knows every single thing there is to know about us — and yet He picked us anyway! Amazing. Next time you sing: “Amazing Love, how can it be?” Please remember that. Gratitude is our only response. 

When we meditate and act on His words, HE becomes our focus. This is a lovely side-effect of loving the Lord that will improve our view of His kingdom, this world, and other people. We will lose all of our judgment and gain compassion in this process. But at the same time we cannot circumcise ourselves. That’s why we have the New Testament, to explain to us that He has, in fact, already done that. Praise God that He knows exactly the right time and place to put His loving finger on something that is holding us captive to our old way of thinking. The Holy Spirit longs to help us as we cling to Him and get to know His Ways. Bye. 👋

P 3091 Define the word ‘gift!’

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“Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, Who does not change like shifting shadows.”James 1:17.“Ask, and the gift is yours. Seek, and you’ll discover. Knock, and the door will be opened for you.”Matthew 7:7 TPT.

If I were to ask you to define what you think a good gift looks like, what would you say? A happy life, travel, health, a nice house, great kids, plenty of money …a happy wife? Here’s a side note … the bible talks about finding a wife. “He who finds a wife finds a good thing, And obtains favour from the LORD.” God has a whole other take on what He thinks good gifts look like! That cranky wife is His gift to you  – you prayed for transformation!

It seems to me that we have translated the above scriptures in James and Matthew to mean that ‘I’ get to define what a good gift looks like! Good luck with that one. Why? Because only God is good … so He is the only One we can trust to define what good looks like! You might like to put your false teeth back in and chew on that one. God’s idea of good, and ours aren’t always the same. The bible tells us in Isaiah 53:10 that: ‘…it pleased the Lord to bruise Jesus’ – His Son.

Father God looks through the difficulties and pain to the overall end result. Jesus’ death meant salvation for all of us! He will use every bit of our journey through hard things – to grow, and diagnose and transform us. I believe human beings cannot discern good, because our minds are saturated with bitterness, resentment, troubles, worries and strife … as well as the so-called pleasures of this world! Somehow all that stuff skews our thinking, and we end up focusing only on the things that we think are advantageous to US, and not on the overall benefit to everyone. 

While our minds are in defensive or offended mode – we cannot easily see whatever is going on in that other person. We’ve been emotionally and mentally distracted, and we will be clouded by our own self-interest. Maybe a nasty attitude in another person is a demonic influence. Maybe it’s a habit, or maybe they are in nine kinds of pain!! But because we are prepared for pickiness, or fight, or flight, that means we are not in a prayerful position to receive heaven’s download about the situation.

The Holy Spirit always has a contribution to make … a gift.  A word of knowledge, some insight, a word of wisdom for every scenario. If we concentrate on how we feel – our anger, loss or pain, we probably won’t see or hear His answer, or we will reject it! And that means the broader deeper blessing is missed. We sometimes trot off feeling relieved when we manage to avoid a grumpy person. But, in truth, we have only postponed change – for me, for them, for the situation. Part of being transformed means we will need to yield to His wishes, His way, even though at the time it feels like the last thing we want to do.

He says this in His word: “No test or temptation that comes your way is beyond the course of what others have had to face. All you need to remember is that God will never let you down; He’ll never let you be pushed past your limit; He’ll always be there to help you come through it.” I Corinthians 10:13. Did you see the gift in that sentence?  Yeah yeah, I know you think you’ve had times when you’ve been pushed too far, but the punch line is this — Almighty God thinks you can do it! He believes in you! Here’s another gift to think on:“Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and He shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the Lord.” Psalm 27:14. You know, the bible says that waiting on God renews our strength. (Isaiah 40:31) 

When we start out prayerfully trying to resist any kind of temptation, we may feel weak and not capable of what we know we need to do. But waiting for Him, pulls our focus out of the normal mixmaster mindset that rattles our brain. Waiting allows us to breathe – to find our peace. This is also a gift! Suddenly all the mind-cloudiness etc. lifts and we can begin to see spiritually. When we stop rattling our brains about “this or that or some other solution” and just sit in silence, and wait for Him! The same way we might wait for a friend in a coffee shop. We will quickly find that silence is another gift.

“My soul, wait in silence for God alone, For my hope is from Him. He alone is my rock and my salvation, My refuge; I will not be shaken. My salvation and my glory rest on God;  The rock of my strength, my refuge is in God.” Psalm 62:5-7.

This answer is a gift to us. In reality the Lord is saying to us:“this is the way walk ye in it!”He is showing us another way to get through difficulties – and that’s another gift! God daily gives us good gifts and if all we choose to see is this whizz-bang spiritual gift, or that special ability, we will miss seeing Him in our day to day ordinary life.

We need His definition of the word GIFT not ours. Prayerfully ask Him to help you to see and recognise Him, as He is active in your life. He showers us with blessings every single day! If you want to settle for a car park when you need one, then … have at it! But there is more! If what you receive is just perfect, then it is Him. Bye. 👋

P 2494 Have you nearly dropped your bundle?

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Well, make sure you drop that heavy darn thing in the right place!! ““Are you weary, carrying a heavy burden? Come to Me. I will refresh your life, for I am your oasis.” Matthew 11:28 TPT.

Hmmm. You know, we don’t need a ‘spa’ day, or new shoes, or some fantastic overseas trip to refresh our lives. King Jesus gives us living water, for free – anywhere, any place, any time. My best advice is to stop and take the time to drink, as well as drop off that bundle on your back. He is the place where PEACE lives. If you or I need peace, then we actually desperately need Him. Never leave home without HIM!

Jesus told us in the scripture above that He is our oasis, and He spent a lot of time outside, sometimes walking though desert places. He knew about people needing somewhere to stop and put down their burden, permanently. The Lord spoke in spiritual metaphors a lot, and I love the way He did that. This way of speaking takes intangible things and brings them into a place where we can begin to understand His truths and absorb them. It is an interesting thing to take note of the imagery presented through what He says in the stories recorded in the bible. When things are weighing us down, we need those tangible insights to help us understand spiritual things and get rid of our burdens. 

Today I would like to briefly talk about the story of Hannah and Samuel, even though it is actually in the Old Testament. Because boy did THAT lady have a burden! She shows us that the Lord deals with each one of us as individuals. Fortunately she knew where to take that thing that weighed on her! Let’s remember in those times, the gods worshipped by other nations were not personal or interested in someone’s life – those gods had to be regularly pacified. But this snippet shows us how personal our God really is – there is simply no detail of each one of our lives that He overlooks. That’s a great trait in our wonderful Burden Bearer, Jesus. 

Hannah’s huge burden was that she was barren … not to mention that there was another wife in the picture, so she had competition too!  After great suffering, loss, persecution and pain, the Lord took pity on her and He gave her a child.. And what a child – an Old Testament prophet! That little boy knew the Lord from when he was tiny. Back to Hannah, who prayed about her barrenness every time she went to the temple. I think she wanted a child to validate her role as a wife and God understood it.

Life has greatly changed from then until now – but our God has not changed – His eye is always on the one fervent, weighed-down sparrow. At one stage the High Priest thought this poor woman was drunk she prayed so deeply. (That’s a good thing to do with a burden, BTW, passionately pray over it.) The other wife in this story lorded it over Hannah because she had given their husband children and Hannah hadn’t. My best guess is those two women were not friends! Meanwhile … what man in his right mind needs TWO wives??  

Moving on … I actually think Hannah’s husband was not switched on to the feminine mindset – he didn’t understand her pain. MEN: here’s a little lesson for you – what you think is not always what she wants!! But he was trying to be sweet to Hannah. Actually, it kind of sounds like he thought the fact that he loved her more than the other wife was enough – the big self-centred dill! This teaches me that other people can try to help us with our burdens, but they don’t always understand how deeply we have been affected by them.

Incredibly, after God answered her prayers, Hannah gave that beautiful God-given little boy right back to Him, even though the child was very young. Giving that little boy she’d prayed so desperately for, and loved so very dearly, back to God, must have cost Hannah so much. But the Lord gave her five more children to comfort her and by doing that, He restored her status. It shows us that He cares about the things that we care about.

Today I want to finish with this thought, our God always has a way to comfort us, but it may not end up looking the way we think we want it too. Part of the wonder of Almighty God is the fact SomeOne so amazing even bothers with us and our little lives!  Even though He has taken great pains to become personally engaged in humanity’s affairs, yet He IS still God! Oh, the wonder of knowing that such a glorious Being cares intimately about every single details of our lives is a an opportunity for reverence, not for carelessness.  

Almighty God is the only place to take our burdens and bundles, but remember, just like Hannah – we don’t just want His advice, WE WANT, and DESPERATELY NEED HIS INPUT! Take your burdens to the burden-bearer, He cares for YOU.👋🏻

P 2357 Love is about choices – not feelings.

/ DVH

Hubby and I just celebrated our 36th wedding anniversary a couple of months back. I still think he is the nicest and best man I ever met. But SOME DAYS … that’s a choice not a feeling!  And I’m pretty sure he shares that sentiment with me. 😂 Not as often, of course – ‘cos I’m MUCH nicer than he is! Okay. That’s a joke. Haha!!

What I mean is this – some days we have to choose to love each other, because we don’t always understand the other person’s POV. I so-o don’t man-speak and he has no clue how to speak female, so we collide. Because we are both quite passionate people, there are times we collide loudly. No fun is had either side in that collision. People make times like that about individual issues – points of differences – you won’t get anywhere that way, trust me. The real ‘issue’ that needs to matter in those moments IS THIS: who is gunna repent and ask for forgiveness first? Sigh. It is usually him not me – he’s way better at saying ‘sorry’ than I am. It’s mega-annoying. 😡

I said all that to say this:  just because we disagree and feel horribly abused, misunderstood, and uncomfortable – that does not mean we quit the marriage or give up on the relationship. It simply means we have temporarily lost our common ground – and one, or both of us, has dug their heels in and refused to compromise or even listen to the other one. My particular fault in these matters is that I always have a point, plus I absolutely loathe not being listened to! 

People often say sagely: “Marriage is about compromise.” Phooey!! Marriage is about CHOICES. I choose to forgive because it’s in the bible! That’s true wisdom. At that moment when I am no longer feeling like my precious hubby is the nicest man in the world – I still have a life-mandate to fulfil. I promised to follow Jesus and He is offering me a new opportunity to choose to follow Him and die to self. These moments are the little foxes that spoil the vineyards of a husband and wife’s love for each other – we need to seize those moments for the Lord’s sake. The power of agreement opens doors that will not open any other way – we need to cherish and protect it.

If I choose to stop fighting the current issue and instead ask the Holy Spirit to help me keep my mouth shut, I will accomplish two things. The first is establishing His Lordship and the second is an opportunity for the Lord’s wisdom to prevail instead of chaos. I may have to insist about these two choices … and, to be fair, I quite often fall into the trap of seeking to be understood – instead of working to see the other person’s POV. However, even if what is happening makes no sense to me – it makes sense to the Lord – I know He can guide me through it.

It is extremely difficult, but not impossible, to lay aside your claim to be right – when you do it for the Lord, and not just for the other person. When you lay down your arms for His sake, whether you are right and they are wrong, THAT IS WHEN JESUS’ LORDSHIP PREVAILS! In that moment I have yielded my control back to Jesus and the Holy Spirit because I love Them more than winning or being right. Meanwhile, do not be fooled – those moments are hard. The other person may not have the same view of Lordship you have.

Here’s what I have observed – it only takes one person to turn things around … but that Person needs to be Him! Get a load of this scripture: “If anyone says, “I love God,” and hates (works against) his [Christian] brother he is a liar; for the one who does not love his brother whom he has seen, cannot love God whom he has not seen.” (1 John 4:20) At this point you could be thinking that you don’t ‘hate’ your spouse – yeah! But at this moment you are not in the middle of some dumb argument that you both feel it is imperative to win!! You can hate anyone given enough provocation trust me. Plus spouses often know each other so well they can lean all over each other’s buttons. In the middle of an argument neither of you are working together!

One of our biggest faults as Christians is that we try to wiggle around what He said in the book so we come up with a hundred reasons about why this particular verse does not apply to me. We all hate to be wrong and in those moments we forget about the One Who hung on that tree for our sake, so we would have the power to resist temptation. Please remember this line: It is not about winning a point or an argument, it is about losing the Holy Spirit’s Presence and YOUR PEACE. We have a choice. Selah. 😶 👋🏻