OR… how I have been learning to love somebody His way. Someone who drove me crazy! There’s been an important person in my life that I couldn’t live without, and yet they literally drove me nuts. I have been so angry with them! They had a terrible effect on my wellbeing, first I’d cry, then I’d start ranting and raving, then I’d cry some more – mainly because I felt bad about the raving and ranting bit! Please note, I’ve used the past tense … but I am very aware that I can’t afford to be complacent about this issue!

One of the hardest things to do is to love somebody who is difficult. People who are dangerous and hurtful in our eyes. I secretly hoped the offender would move, and go and live far, far away. Then I was utterly condemned because Christians aren’t supposed to be like that! SoI repented until I was blue in the face, but this person continually kept jumping all over my heart… This situation is like an awful ride — you never want to get on, because you know you will hate it and go round and round, but you can’t easily get off either! In the past I used to get my hopes up that things were changing, and then the other person went and did something worse and I felt even more betrayed.

My bible-based learning curve started like this:  I was complaining to the Lord about how misunderstood and cheated I felt whenever I was around this individual. I tried to love them, I really did! I did nice things to please them and then they said or did something worse, and I sank back into anger and despair, adding to my failure. The list of their faults and infringements just kept getting bigger. There was no way of permanently pleasing them. It took me a while to realise that I needed to leave pleasing them behind, and start living to please God! 

I asked the Lord why He thought I had to have that person in my life. And this is what He said: “You asked me to help you to learn to love the way I love, and this person is your opportunity to learn!” Did you ever pray something when your heart was all soft and mushy at the altar, then afterward wish you hadn’t? Me too! I’d prayed He would change my response to this person – yet in the middle of the daily scrum I failed. I still wanted to punch out their lights! I was desperate, because I truly wanted to obey Him … but it seemed like I just couldn’t. My whole concept of LOVE God’s Way was wrong. I kept trying so hard, but my thoughts and emotions let me down. I needed to let go and follow instructions.

Then the Holy Spirit, my Resident Expert, said this: “You see giving someone else love, is a reward for their good behaviour. I see loving others as simply living in the River of Life. It’s always your choice, whether you live in that River or not. You are angry with this person because they hurt you. They bring out the very worst in your own attitudes. Actually, they are doing you a favour, because this is a fault in you that you can’t see, and their actions have brought that fault into the light.”

He was right. Duh! … I saw God’s love as FEELINGS not as a guideline for life. The thing is you can follow guidelines, it’s simple. You just follow the instructions – no feelings involved. When I consulted my feelings, I didn’t feel anything but anger, disappointment and disdain toward this person, so I didn’t think I had any love left. That’s when I did the smartest thing I’ve ever done in my life. I gave up! And I asked Him to show me how He loved people, whether they were nice or not!  I began re-reading the Gospels. 

As I read about how the Lord was treated I noticed that very few people actually appreciated Him! They wanted stuff from Him all the time, but He didn’t get many ‘grateful hugs,’ that’s for sure! He operated His whole earthly life under a different system. He was not interested in “What’s in it for Me?’’ He was far more interested in – “What can I do for you?” So I switched my focus from getting to giving. I asked Him: “How can I possibly bless this person?” Loving people God’s way is about how we choose to treat people, it is not about how they treat us. People cannot steal our emotional and mental health when what we are doing is OUR deliberate choice!

The Lord gave me some helpful hints:  “Don’t do a revision of how your time with this person went after you leave them. Give it all to Me, and leave it with Me. Continue on asking Me to help you love them. Then stop constantly bringing up why you are annoyed with them. Remain silent in the face of adversity.” Did you know we can talk ourselves into bad stuff? Neither did I! “The words you say will either acquit you or condemn you.” Matthew 12:37. 

Lastly, He said: “Let Me define HOW you love them. You think love is about you, because it makes you feel good. Loving others is about them, not you.” Through this time I discovered that loving difficult people means we give up the right to get any reward for doing right. So I took my ‘feelings’ – good or bad, back, and I stopped trying to feel loved by them. I simply chose to obey HIM and obey His instructions.👋