Loving people

P 3018 The Dove.

/ DVH

“For I say, through the grace given to me, to everyone who is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think soberly, as God has dealt to each one a measure of faith. For as we have many members in one body, but all the members do not have the same function, so we, being many, are one body in Christ, and individually members of one another. Having then gifts differing according to the grace that is given to us, let us use them:  if prophecy, let us prophesy in proportion to our faith; or ministry, let us use it in our ministering; he who teaches, in teaching;  he who exhorts, in exhortation; he who gives, with liberality; he who leads, with diligence; he who shows mercy, with cheerfulness.” Romans 12:3-8.

It is the Grace of God that gives us the ability to flow with the Holy Spirit – and the best place to stay is in that Grace. Nothing can, or will stay the same in His Presence! Unfortunately, that is also when it becomes easy to believe a LIE. That lie is that someone has somehow become some sort of expert, a special spiritual person. This thought causes us to elevate some people above others.

My point today is this, we are so badly acquainted with the Holy Spirit’s gifts, the person sitting next to us in church may also have gifts — but their faith has not been activated to even begin to try to follow His instructions! Or even worse, they tried and fell on their head … so now they sit silently by. Feeling like a failure.

So, let’s look at the disciples — those guys who walked around with Jesus every day for three and a half years. Boy was that some intensive conference!! There was a time when they started thinking that they were pretty special and they could use the power of God to get rid of people that ignored or annoyed them. Jesus immediately made Himself really clear. “You don’t know what spirit you are in!” 😱These men even fought over who should have the best seat in heaven. The only human being who ever was all that, is Jesus. The rest of us are in boot camp and ignorance is not bliss.

I want to really stress how important it is to know the Holy Spirit, and watch Him at work in our own lives, as well as in the bible. You won’t see Him capitalised or underlined – but you can see where He has been and what He does – if you choose to look carefully. The Holy Spirit is not some sort of lesser Person that Jesus sent back to help us. He is called our Helper, Counsellor, the One Who comes alongside of us etc., but His beauty, truth, and devotion to Almighty God is beyond comparison. He doesn’t appear to care if He is seen or worshipped or adored. Instead He wants to teach US, and help US to learn to worship and adore the Father and the Son with every part of who we are. 

Let us always remember the Holy Spirit is gentle, kind, and easily grieved by our careless behaviour, so we need to treat Him and His Ways with reverence. Because He will not defend Himself – He will simply GO AWAY. Trust me, we don’t want to find out what kind of stuff we are capable of, if He is not guiding and directing us! He is the source of all Wisdom. And here is the best and biggest clue to His seeing Him at work  — He loves to be around loving people. Whenever He comes, He brings with Him peace, joy, long-suffering, self-control etc. BTW, that’s not just a description of what He does — those things are Who He is!! 

If we ignore the supernatural effects of being around such a glorious, often unobtrusive Person, we are ignoring the very essence of Almighty God Himself. The Holy Spirit at work within each one of us, is why Godly people voluntarily choose to die to self. It’s an incredible honour. We cannot afford to put our focus on the gifts He brings, and ignore the Giver of the gifts! He must not be ‘used’ to bring about what we want. Human beings are so innately stupid we will start to think the marvellous things He does are because of us, and these miracles are happening because of the way we behave.

You and I are destined to be God’s gifts to Jesus’ bride – the Church.  While we are here, our task is to build one another up, stimulate each other’s faith and live a life of love. We are to be good bridesmaids, keep our lamps trimmed, and make sure the entire bride is ready for this unimaginable honour God has given us. It is not about “me” having a big ministry – it is about helping you find yours! That cannot happen without the Holy Spirit’s input. He is our “Resident Expert” on what love looks like, and how we, in turn, can be loving. 

Instead of asking Him for stupid worldly stuff like – should we go to Bali for a holiday, or save for a new car, or send our kids to this or that school?  We need to change our prayers from ‘Please fix this or that’ or “please heal this or that’ or ‘please oversee this or that” …OR even ….dare I say it … “please help me to find a car park!” TO this—- “What can I do for the Kingdom of God today, Holy Spirit, as I am going about my everyday life. I want to please my Heavenly Father, the Lord Jesus and You. Please lead me into the places You want me to be, and help me to say the things You want me to say.” Amen. 

Jesus thought the Holy Spirit’s Presence was so important, His arrival on the earth was the reason the Lord went away! Let’s remain awake and aware of His enormous role in what God is doing and value the gentle wise Dove for all He is. Bye.🕊️

P 3003 False expectations.

/ DVH

I unintentionally, and without any prior warning, walked into a wall of nasty attitudes in someone else yesterday. They were angry with me for no other reason than they could not have their own way. This is someone I care about, and sadly I’ve had many bad experiences with them before, but I thought that kind of trouble between us was gone… It’s just goes to show we cannot afford to let our guard down –  we need each other. My own discernment was severely lacking! Hubby was far more discerning than I was – he emphasised caution.

So what do you do in those moments, when you feel utterly betrayed by someone you think you can trust? I start with the realisation that I can’t deal with anything else but my emotions in that moment, because they’re all over the place like jam on a baby’s face. After that I need to go straight into my will and reinforce my decision to live my life His way. This step is important, otherwise I can get tangled up in what I want, and leave what He wants behind me! 

The next thing that happens is I pray and choose to forgive myself — despite my awareness of many multiple feelings of ineptitude and lack of wisdom — I know that I need saving from my own reactions like everyone else does! So I deliberately put blame, guilt, recrimination and shame down — and at the same time I pray and ask for the Lord’s healing, help, forgiveness and guidance.

Then I deliberately forgive the other person as an act of my will. It is so much easier to forgive someone else when you’ve just dealt with the log in your own eye first. Just saying is all … At the bottom of our instant pain, are often even more memories of previous pain – and that definitely needs sorting out, but first things first.  Any sort of betrayal is painful, and Jesus Himself knows personally all about that.

Judas betrayed Him for 30 pieces of silver, and Peter ran away under pressure. When someone we care about suddenly reverts to previous behaviour, it can be easy to be taken by surprise and feel like we’ve been ambushed. But we can’t afford to sit there, we must choose to move past our feelings into a place where we can pray full of His Love for that other person. Jesus prayed for Peter, remember? He prayed for Peter’s faith to not fail. 

Loving people who are often erratic in their way of speaking and living, means we need to pray before we spend time with them. I actually remembered to pray this time, but because I thought things had changed for the better, I relaxed. I forgot that scripture in 1 Corinthians 16, verses 13&14. “Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be courageous; be strong. Do everything in love.” I was distracted and forgot to stay on my guard. I wanted something from this person, that they can’t give me, and I let my emotional need blind me to where they are actually coming from. Jesus Himself, does not meet their needs… yet. 

At the same time I forgot to ‘stand firm in the faith.’ The bible says:’My God shall supply ALL MY NEEDS according to His riches in glory.’ Philippians 4:19. Part of our surrender to Christ entails our willingness to lift our expectations off other people, and put them firmly with Him. That takes practice! It appears I missed out on a practice session this time, but I’ve put the Lord and my hubby on alert to remind me! Otherwise I could easily fall down the same hole again. Instead of “being courageous” under fire, I crumbled like a stale biscuit. So I repented of that too and asked the Holy Spirit to help me to go back into “doing everything in love.”  

Sometimes, in personal relationships our expectations of other people are so great, the other person will probably fail in meeting them.That’s life. We must realise that we cannot meet each other’s needs – our job is to point people to the One Who can do all things.  Sometimes when I think that Hollywood has totally messed with our brains and we see someone else and think they will totally understand me. In a pig’s eye! That’s narcissistic. I don’t care who it is, people aren’t here to serve our needs, we are here to serve Him..

We can easily be blinded by our own need for immediate love and gratification. I think this is why many marriages fail. The couples have false expectations. Only Jesus can meet all our needs. There is no point in expecting human beings to meet them, simply because we like instant answers. In case you haven’t noticed …Jesus doesn’t often DO things immediately! My advice is to remind yourself that God always has a better, bigger plan. Bless you! 👋

P 2648 There is no instant reward.

/ DVH

OR… how I have been learning to love somebody His way. Someone who drove me crazy! There’s been an important person in my life that I couldn’t live without, and yet they literally drove me nuts. I have been so angry with them! They had a terrible effect on my wellbeing, first I’d cry, then I’d start ranting and raving, then I’d cry some more – mainly because I felt bad about the raving and ranting bit! Please note, I’ve used the past tense … but I am very aware that I can’t afford to be complacent about this issue!

One of the hardest things to do is to love somebody who is difficult. People who are dangerous and hurtful in our eyes. I secretly hoped the offender would move, and go and live far, far away. Then I was utterly condemned because Christians aren’t supposed to be like that! SoI repented until I was blue in the face, but this person continually kept jumping all over my heart… This situation is like an awful ride — you never want to get on, because you know you will hate it and go round and round, but you can’t easily get off either! In the past I used to get my hopes up that things were changing, and then the other person went and did something worse and I felt even more betrayed.

My bible-based learning curve started like this:  I was complaining to the Lord about how misunderstood and cheated I felt whenever I was around this individual. I tried to love them, I really did! I did nice things to please them and then they said or did something worse, and I sank back into anger and despair, adding to my failure. The list of their faults and infringements just kept getting bigger. There was no way of permanently pleasing them. It took me a while to realise that I needed to leave pleasing them behind, and start living to please God! 

I asked the Lord why He thought I had to have that person in my life. And this is what He said: “You asked me to help you to learn to love the way I love, and this person is your opportunity to learn!” Did you ever pray something when your heart was all soft and mushy at the altar, then afterward wish you hadn’t? Me too! I’d prayed He would change my response to this person – yet in the middle of the daily scrum I failed. I still wanted to punch out their lights! I was desperate, because I truly wanted to obey Him … but it seemed like I just couldn’t. My whole concept of LOVE God’s Way was wrong. I kept trying so hard, but my thoughts and emotions let me down. I needed to let go and follow instructions.

Then the Holy Spirit, my Resident Expert, said this: “You see giving someone else love, is a reward for their good behaviour. I see loving others as simply living in the River of Life. It’s always your choice, whether you live in that River or not. You are angry with this person because they hurt you. They bring out the very worst in your own attitudes. Actually, they are doing you a favour, because this is a fault in you that you can’t see, and their actions have brought that fault into the light.”

He was right. Duh! … I saw God’s love as FEELINGS not as a guideline for life. The thing is you can follow guidelines, it’s simple. You just follow the instructions – no feelings involved. When I consulted my feelings, I didn’t feel anything but anger, disappointment and disdain toward this person, so I didn’t think I had any love left. That’s when I did the smartest thing I’ve ever done in my life. I gave up! And I asked Him to show me how He loved people, whether they were nice or not!  I began re-reading the Gospels. 

As I read about how the Lord was treated I noticed that very few people actually appreciated Him! They wanted stuff from Him all the time, but He didn’t get many ‘grateful hugs,’ that’s for sure! He operated His whole earthly life under a different system. He was not interested in “What’s in it for Me?’’ He was far more interested in – “What can I do for you?” So I switched my focus from getting to giving. I asked Him: “How can I possibly bless this person?” Loving people God’s way is about how we choose to treat people, it is not about how they treat us. People cannot steal our emotional and mental health when what we are doing is OUR deliberate choice!

The Lord gave me some helpful hints:  “Don’t do a revision of how your time with this person went after you leave them. Give it all to Me, and leave it with Me. Continue on asking Me to help you love them. Then stop constantly bringing up why you are annoyed with them. Remain silent in the face of adversity.” Did you know we can talk ourselves into bad stuff? Neither did I! “The words you say will either acquit you or condemn you.” Matthew 12:37. 

Lastly, He said: “Let Me define HOW you love them. You think love is about you, because it makes you feel good. Loving others is about them, not you.” Through this time I discovered that loving difficult people means we give up the right to get any reward for doing right. So I took my ‘feelings’ – good or bad, back, and I stopped trying to feel loved by them. I simply chose to obey HIM and obey His instructions.👋