I have found, over the years, there is at least one person in my life that is like kryptonite to me. I trust the Lord and lean on His strength in many, many places … but, unfortunately, this one person weakens me instantly with just one sentence or look. That person is a very close relative. The night before last, I spent part of the evening dreaming I was shrieking and screaming at them for what seemed like hours. I woke up, agitated, still inwardly reciting everything they ever did against me, as well as mentally telling them what an awful person I think they are.

I realise I am not responsible for my dreams, but I am aware that in my heart, whenever this person hurts me … there is this continual, resounding phrase. “They did it again!” Now Jesus was very clear, people get 490 opportunities to shoot us down every single day. Because of our new heart, which we have been given, our response is to be forgiveness. Meanwhile, I’m pretty sure the Lord wasn’t saying that when we get to 491 offences we can let ‘er rip! 😳 There are 1440 minutes in a day – this means that somebody has to hurt us regularly every 2.9 minutes to qualify for us to quit! OK we can see that ain’t gunna happen, anyway, most of us sleep some of that time! 

However, I personally know that there are some people who go out of their way to push that number as far as they can! In my life this person is one of those. They can pole axe me with a sentence. This morning I realised that despite the fact that I practice forgiveness toward them, over and over again! I am still inwardly angry with them because they are disturbing the nice picture of who I am inside my head. Plus I’m mad because they don’t seem to try to understand me at all. We just keep bumping heads. They consistently tread all over my feelings, and I have to wrangle with myself so I can calm down again. 

Now, I know that God put this person in my life.  Their presence is not an accident, they are a relative – and we definitely do not choose our relatives! But I can also see clearly that I am not coming from the kingdom of God when I am around them. Instead I am coming from a defensive position. Fight or flight. I have gone so far over into offence, despite forgiving them over and over again, I actually anticipate trouble whenever I am around them! In other words, I live expecting them to sin against me … mainly because their track record ain’t great.

BTW I don’t think this person is doing any better in our relationship than I am – they too are puzzled, hurt, and betrayed by the fact that we do not get along. I decided that although I understand the principle of forgiveness – I was failing in the prac! The Lord told us to forgive others over and over again, so let’s assume that you and I probably have more than one person who drives us crazy. That’s a whole lot of ongoing forgiveness we need to participate in … every single day.

I came to the conclusion that somehow I was missing a key point in what Jesus told us to do. Here’s what I think, I think the Lord’s greatly exaggerated number means that I am meant to live a life of forgiveness toward everyone I interact with. This is great news … and no, I haven’t lost my mind! First of all, I know that I cannot possibly do that stuff all the time in my own strength. So, there must be a way for me to live like that … after all, Jesus is my physical, emotional and spiritual example. He lived that way – He lived a life full of forgiveness. 

After praying and thinking about it I realised sometimes scriptures need to be digested and acted upon in some sort of  order. EG: “I need to seek His kingdom FIRST… and then… all these (other) things (like true forgiveness) will be added unto me.” It’s simple. ‘Other things’ include forgiveness. My primary focus was wrong. I was seeking to give away forgiveness before seeking His kingdom. In His kingdom there IS pure forgiveness. So I started praying that I will seek His kingdom before everything else from now on! Living with His kingdom inside me changes everything.To start with, forgiveness, love and purity are part of that kingdom. Not to mention healing and transformation!

In conclusion I just want to mention something else I’ve noticed about ‘kryptonite.’  Anyone else who looks, sounds, or acts like this person I struggle with, can often provoke a reaction from me, toward them. Maybe not even outwardly, but definitely inwardly. That is another sign-post that I have not truly forgiven this primary person who hurts me.  I can see that I am holding onto any hurt or wounding as a defensive weapon, because of the fear of exposing my inner self around unsafe people. Trying to protect myself against further ‘attacks.’  BUT – in God’s kingdom the bible says: … “My God is my protection and with HIM I am safe.”

As I’ve said before, fear and love are mutually opposed, one excludes the other. To deflect satan’s kryptonite in our lives – we need to be hidden in Christ, living in His kingdom, not our own. Food for thought. 👋🏻