Understand

P 2357 Love is about choices – not feelings.

/ DVH

Hubby and I just celebrated our 36th wedding anniversary a couple of months back. I still think he is the nicest and best man I ever met. But SOME DAYS … that’s a choice not a feeling!  And I’m pretty sure he shares that sentiment with me. 😂 Not as often, of course – ‘cos I’m MUCH nicer than he is! Okay. That’s a joke. Haha!!

What I mean is this – some days we have to choose to love each other, because we don’t always understand the other person’s POV. I so-o don’t man-speak and he has no clue how to speak female, so we collide. Because we are both quite passionate people, there are times we collide loudly. No fun is had either side in that collision. People make times like that about individual issues – points of differences – you won’t get anywhere that way, trust me. The real ‘issue’ that needs to matter in those moments IS THIS: who is gunna repent and ask for forgiveness first? Sigh. It is usually him not me – he’s way better at saying ‘sorry’ than I am. It’s mega-annoying. 😡

I said all that to say this:  just because we disagree and feel horribly abused, misunderstood, and uncomfortable – that does not mean we quit the marriage or give up on the relationship. It simply means we have temporarily lost our common ground – and one, or both of us, has dug their heels in and refused to compromise or even listen to the other one. My particular fault in these matters is that I always have a point, plus I absolutely loathe not being listened to! 

People often say sagely: “Marriage is about compromise.” Phooey!! Marriage is about CHOICES. I choose to forgive because it’s in the bible! That’s true wisdom. At that moment when I am no longer feeling like my precious hubby is the nicest man in the world – I still have a life-mandate to fulfil. I promised to follow Jesus and He is offering me a new opportunity to choose to follow Him and die to self. These moments are the little foxes that spoil the vineyards of a husband and wife’s love for each other – we need to seize those moments for the Lord’s sake. The power of agreement opens doors that will not open any other way – we need to cherish and protect it.

If I choose to stop fighting the current issue and instead ask the Holy Spirit to help me keep my mouth shut, I will accomplish two things. The first is establishing His Lordship and the second is an opportunity for the Lord’s wisdom to prevail instead of chaos. I may have to insist about these two choices … and, to be fair, I quite often fall into the trap of seeking to be understood – instead of working to see the other person’s POV. However, even if what is happening makes no sense to me – it makes sense to the Lord – I know He can guide me through it.

It is extremely difficult, but not impossible, to lay aside your claim to be right – when you do it for the Lord, and not just for the other person. When you lay down your arms for His sake, whether you are right and they are wrong, THAT IS WHEN JESUS’ LORDSHIP PREVAILS! In that moment I have yielded my control back to Jesus and the Holy Spirit because I love Them more than winning or being right. Meanwhile, do not be fooled – those moments are hard. The other person may not have the same view of Lordship you have.

Here’s what I have observed – it only takes one person to turn things around … but that Person needs to be Him! Get a load of this scripture: “If anyone says, “I love God,” and hates (works against) his [Christian] brother he is a liar; for the one who does not love his brother whom he has seen, cannot love God whom he has not seen.” (1 John 4:20) At this point you could be thinking that you don’t ‘hate’ your spouse – yeah! But at this moment you are not in the middle of some dumb argument that you both feel it is imperative to win!! You can hate anyone given enough provocation trust me. Plus spouses often know each other so well they can lean all over each other’s buttons. In the middle of an argument neither of you are working together!

One of our biggest faults as Christians is that we try to wiggle around what He said in the book so we come up with a hundred reasons about why this particular verse does not apply to me. We all hate to be wrong and in those moments we forget about the One Who hung on that tree for our sake, so we would have the power to resist temptation. Please remember this line: It is not about winning a point or an argument, it is about losing the Holy Spirit’s Presence and YOUR PEACE. We have a choice. Selah. 😶 👋🏻

P 2259 My own personal kryptonite.

/ DVH

I have found, over the years, there is at least one person in my life that is like kryptonite to me. I trust the Lord and lean on His strength in many, many places … but, unfortunately, this one person weakens me instantly with just one sentence or look. That person is a very close relative. The night before last, I spent part of the evening dreaming I was shrieking and screaming at them for what seemed like hours. I woke up, agitated, still inwardly reciting everything they ever did against me, as well as mentally telling them what an awful person I think they are.

I realise I am not responsible for my dreams, but I am aware that in my heart, whenever this person hurts me … there is this continual, resounding phrase. “They did it again!” Now Jesus was very clear, people get 490 opportunities to shoot us down every single day. Because of our new heart, which we have been given, our response is to be forgiveness. Meanwhile, I’m pretty sure the Lord wasn’t saying that when we get to 491 offences we can let ‘er rip! 😳 There are 1440 minutes in a day – this means that somebody has to hurt us regularly every 2.9 minutes to qualify for us to quit! OK we can see that ain’t gunna happen, anyway, most of us sleep some of that time! 

However, I personally know that there are some people who go out of their way to push that number as far as they can! In my life this person is one of those. They can pole axe me with a sentence. This morning I realised that despite the fact that I practice forgiveness toward them, over and over again! I am still inwardly angry with them because they are disturbing the nice picture of who I am inside my head. Plus I’m mad because they don’t seem to try to understand me at all. We just keep bumping heads. They consistently tread all over my feelings, and I have to wrangle with myself so I can calm down again. 

Now, I know that God put this person in my life.  Their presence is not an accident, they are a relative – and we definitely do not choose our relatives! But I can also see clearly that I am not coming from the kingdom of God when I am around them. Instead I am coming from a defensive position. Fight or flight. I have gone so far over into offence, despite forgiving them over and over again, I actually anticipate trouble whenever I am around them! In other words, I live expecting them to sin against me … mainly because their track record ain’t great.

BTW I don’t think this person is doing any better in our relationship than I am – they too are puzzled, hurt, and betrayed by the fact that we do not get along. I decided that although I understand the principle of forgiveness – I was failing in the prac! The Lord told us to forgive others over and over again, so let’s assume that you and I probably have more than one person who drives us crazy. That’s a whole lot of ongoing forgiveness we need to participate in … every single day.

I came to the conclusion that somehow I was missing a key point in what Jesus told us to do. Here’s what I think, I think the Lord’s greatly exaggerated number means that I am meant to live a life of forgiveness toward everyone I interact with. This is great news … and no, I haven’t lost my mind! First of all, I know that I cannot possibly do that stuff all the time in my own strength. So, there must be a way for me to live like that … after all, Jesus is my physical, emotional and spiritual example. He lived that way – He lived a life full of forgiveness. 

After praying and thinking about it I realised sometimes scriptures need to be digested and acted upon in some sort of  order. EG: “I need to seek His kingdom FIRST… and then… all these (other) things (like true forgiveness) will be added unto me.” It’s simple. ‘Other things’ include forgiveness. My primary focus was wrong. I was seeking to give away forgiveness before seeking His kingdom. In His kingdom there IS pure forgiveness. So I started praying that I will seek His kingdom before everything else from now on! Living with His kingdom inside me changes everything.To start with, forgiveness, love and purity are part of that kingdom. Not to mention healing and transformation!

In conclusion I just want to mention something else I’ve noticed about ‘kryptonite.’  Anyone else who looks, sounds, or acts like this person I struggle with, can often provoke a reaction from me, toward them. Maybe not even outwardly, but definitely inwardly. That is another sign-post that I have not truly forgiven this primary person who hurts me.  I can see that I am holding onto any hurt or wounding as a defensive weapon, because of the fear of exposing my inner self around unsafe people. Trying to protect myself against further ‘attacks.’  BUT – in God’s kingdom the bible says: … “My God is my protection and with HIM I am safe.”

As I’ve said before, fear and love are mutually opposed, one excludes the other. To deflect satan’s kryptonite in our lives – we need to be hidden in Christ, living in His kingdom, not our own. Food for thought. 👋🏻

P 2258 So many denominations

/ DVH

Yeah, let’s established first up, on this blog you have one older lady’s opinion … right? I’m not a theologian, I haven’t been to bible school, I simply met Jesus Christ eons ago, and I’ve been following Him ever since. IF I know anything at all – HE taught me. Sadly there were some times that I ignored Him in favour of what my denomination taught me,  and yes I’ve repented! My point is, my opinions are limited.

I saw the above cartoon and I loved it. It seemed to me that it was the best explanation for why there are so many Christian denominations in this world. We are all looking at the same thing, we are just standing in different places. Please forgive me for intimating our Heavenly Father is like an elephant, that is not what I am trying to say! I am commenting on the fact that we all have so many different doctrines.

Some denominations even have sub-denominations! 😳 It also seems if you are in a denomination and want to make a splash, then you can skive off and start your own. Especially if what you believe seems important enough. That’s like expecting our arm to work by itself. Can’t happen! The Body of Christ is fragmented by its belief systems.  

The best I can offer by way of explanation is this – even if you have only two people you will still have a whole heap of different opinions. BTW, that could be why some marriages don’t work – people fall in love, but they don’t share the same basic beliefs and opinions. It’s the nitty gritty stuff that divides us, and “true love” often blinds us all! Well that was free! Moo-ving on …

… The fact is Almighty God is too big, too wise, too wonderful to be explained by any, or all of us. He is so much bigger than we have allowed Him to be. We are not acquainted with the fact that we don’t have to understand Him to relate to Him. And we don’t have to think like Him to explain Him – I suggest we let Him explain Himself. He’s so big He can say one thing to one person and something else to someone else. And both things are true. We must return to the place of wonder. It’s OK to not know stuff – instead let’s just fall in love with the God Who made it all.

If we think we can explain Him, no matter how clever we are, or how many words we take to do it, we are fooling ourselves. A truly wise person lets God explain Himself. And that’s called revelation. “We don’t yet see things clearly. We’re squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won’t be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We’ll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing Him directly just as He knows us!” 1 Corinthians 13:12.

We need to be in a relationship with Him, and treasure His Presence far more than we need to understand how He thinks. People grab at this thing and that thing and think … “Aha! I finally have the Answer.” Denominations occur when we start trying to explain God. Even though some of those explanations or revelations are fantastic … but those things are not all there is. As soon as we think we have some sort of basic idea that sums up Almighty God – we just limited Him. We keep trying to fit  Almighty God into our teeny tiny boxes, and because He truly IS God, He will burst out of them!

We don’t have to prove Him. Let Him prove Himself! I don’t have to prove the sun is out when it is daytime or nighttime. Even if it is raining or cloudy – the SUN is still there. I just need to position myself into a place where I can see beyond my earthly restrictions. Like board a plane, or climb up above the clouds. Our position before Him is what matters, and to stand in the right place we need to realise that He is God and we are not. It is OK to have a Daddy Who knows more than we do. 

God forgave us all. He does not see the restrictions and boundaries and doctrines the way we see them – He sees people. And He loves them. Read the book! It is all about God relating to His people. Because of Jesus Christ, we are all now His people. No matter what denomination we belong to. We waste our time on this earth fighting, or abusing one another over things that won’t last. Father God does not care what colour skin we have, what sort of accent we have, what we believe – or not, HE JUST LOVES HIS KIDS. It’s in the book.

He’s so glorious He loves the people who actively hate Him. Imagine that. Not just loving your enemies, but deliberately actioning a plan to save them from themselves and then sacrificing Your only Son to provide the way to do it. That blows my mind. Let’s just agree that we don’t have to understand Him to love Him back. They will know we are Christians by our love … not by our denomination. Bye. 👋🏻