“I appeal to you for my [own spiritual] child, Onesimus [meaning profitable], whom I have begotten [in the faith] while a captive in these chains. Once he was unprofitable to you, but now he is indeed profitable to you as well as to me. I am sending him back to you in his own person, [and it is like sending] my very heart. I would have chosen to keep him with me, in order that he might minister to my needs in your stead during my imprisonment for the Gospel’s sake.]. Perhaps it was for this reason that he was separated [from you] for a while, that you might have him back as yours forever,
Not as a slave any longer but as [something] more than a slave, as a brother [Christian], especially dear to me but how much more to you, both in the flesh [as a servant] and in the Lord [as a fellow believer]. If then you consider me a partner and a comrade in fellowship, welcome and receive him as you would [welcome and receive] me. And if he has done you any wrong in any way or owes anything [to you], charge that to my account. I, Paul, write it with my own hand, I promise to repay it [in full]—and that is to say nothing [of the fact] that you owe me your very self!”
These verses come from Philemon V10-19. They make it clear that true reconciliation means real repentance and restoration. We don’t know exactly what happened here, but news of it must have reached Colossae because the people there knew what this young man had done. First of all — I just want to mention the bit kind of tacked on at the end: “if he has done you any wrong in any way or owes you anything, …charge that to my account…” here’s the punch line …’it’s me, Paul and I am writing this in person. I will repay you if it is necessary, …but you need to remember that you owe me everything!” Paul stood up for this young man and he put himself between Onesimus and judgment.
It has been suggested that this young man sinned against Paul perhaps stealing from him, but Paul grabbed hold of God’s grace and went back into ‘love.’ His actions show us what God’s grace, looks like. Undeserved, and unreserved. Now he esteems the culprit highly. Paul knows Jesus and he is acquainted with His Ways so well, that this is his first and only response! In His mind forgiveness means forgotten, and he wants to get on about the business of today – leaving yesterday behind. He is still teaching the church, but now he is leading by example.
Repentance acknowledges a fault, without harping on the point, and it quickly heads toward reconciliation, restoration and forgiveness. It seems to me that Paul may have wanted to go with Onesimus and act as a go between, to make sure this reconciliation was complete, hence the letter. But he was in jail so he could not do that. He is simply stating the truth, and giving the people at Colossae a chance to digest his words and enter into true reconciliation with this young man as well, and put aside their previous opinions of him.
Sometimes when someone deeply wounds us, we need to take a little while to digest what happened, and how we felt about it. It is interesting that Paul is not looking for a patch over this problem, he is far more interested in healing it. Paul wants this church to move on to a wider place. People are human, they make mistakes, and some terrible mistakes have extremely far reaching effects. It is wisdom to carefully take our time to clear up our own reactions, otherwise we can easily say yes … when our hearts are yelling NO-O-O! That can have terrible consequences.
But I have a word of caution, don’t let your feelings, or even mental or physical pain, keep you from forgiving others. Forgiveness is a spiritual transaction. It is a spiritual thing. I forgive that other person because God forgave me first. We don’t just do that in theory, we do it in practice. (Matthew 18:21) It’s not always easy — 70X7 is a whole lot of practice! When the Lord forgave us from the cross, He released His Grace into our lives in abundance. Now we have something tangible to give away to anybody who hurts us. We have His never-ending Grace constantly flowing toward us, and we can give it away freely, just by using our faith. We now have more than we will ever ever need … Grace is tangible, eternity is resting on it!
Whatever we concentrate on becomes bigger, and it can fill our vision the longer we think on it. So someone else’s sin can literally block out the SON in our own lives. What we need to do is to use the GRACE we’ve already been given, and remember we can’t afford to hide behind excuses. Revising someone’s sin and talking about it with others will just enlarge how we feel about it. We will get sucked deeper into a vortex of despair, anger, and the need for revenge. The reality is, outside of releasing His Grace into our situation, we can end up more stuck than we were before. And we will be ‘punished’ twice, once by the offence and the second time by our reaction to it.
I am not saying that other people’s sins can’t devastate our lives, prayer and support are often needed. But we must choose to change our focus, otherwise we will remain a prisoner of that other person/s sin. Here’s something that helps me – this person who deeply hurt us cannot go back and undo what they did. This is now your story. Like it or not. Now your story is affected by scars. Jesus has scars too. We need to focus on moving past the event — for the sake of our faith.
If that other person does not choose to change, then prayerfully continue to love and pray for them, from a distance — let your inner self be less available to them. However, at the same time, we need to remember that we can often distance people to make ourselves comfortable, without asking the Lord what His plan is! Forgiveness can be so difficult whether we have a real or perceived grievance. It tests our faith. But we have inherited, from Christ Himself, a ministry of reconciliation. True restoration shows our gratitude to God for what He gave us. Bye. 👋.
