Parent

P 3184 I Wonder?

/ DVH

I must say I am not sure how this new system of being a specific age before you use social media, is going to work out overall. I think it is a great idea. But good luck reinforcing something when your teenage kids are expert at using your logic against you. What is wrong with a parent saying: “No?” Or, “It’s dinner time put your phone down please!?” Or… “We are having a no-phone day today and that includes parents!” It seems to me that parents are now scared of their kids and there is something seriously wrong with that! (Read 2 Timothy 3:2)

In my opinion, children need to learn to self-regulate, and parents don’t always have the time to be nice about it. One of mine ran on the road when they were little, I did not make a suggestion or give an alternative response!I screamed: “Danger!” And ran after them. We are not raising totally autonomous little beings – our children live in a world with other people – and they need to learn to act accordingly. This world is not there to contribute to them, they are here to contribute to it!  One of mine bit someone else’s kid when they were little…but they only did it once! 

I did some homework in this subject and found that “no’ is a bad word to use when you are parenting. Blimey… ! I’m glad I’m not parenting a child now! I told mine when they were angry with me for disciplining them: “I’m your parent, not your friend, now go and do what I say.” I can understand the fear of being reported – going to jail for smacking your kid will do that to you. Crazy stuff! It seems Big Brother is watching, and Big Brother ain’t all that wise!!

However, I subscribe to what the bible says — back in the Ark it worked for me!  Proverbs has lots of useful teaching kids info in it. “Train up a child in the way he should go [teaching him to seek God’s wisdom and will for his abilities and talents], Even when he is old he will not depart from it.” Proverbs 22:6. “Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.” Proverbs 13:24. Now there’s a shocker, and here’s another one! “Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him.” Proverbs 22:15. 

I wonder what today’s world would make out of Abraham tying up Isaac and plopping him on an altar, all ready to kill him? Abe’s only lame-o excuse was: “God told me to do it!?” Or what about Hannah dropping off her little boy at the local synagogue at the age of three or four and leaving him there? Now there’s a new kind of all day-every day daycare!

There are loads of scriptures like the three I put above – but I’m pretty sure in today’s world we choose to ignore them. Because …we know better than God nowadays … He’s old fashioned…apparently! How does that go again?? How well is this tolerant attitude working on those teenagers pinching other people’s cars, beating up elderly people, and running around carrying machetes? Let’s think this idea through for a bit. If our children learn “no”when they are little, they will eventually learn how to discipline themselves. Or perhaps they will end up in grown up jail, because we’d rather look good!

I know that there are some kids who will disobey just to test the boundaries. I had some of those. Have we forgotten that boundaries represent security? Kids need security! We must always pray about stuff, but we need to teach our kids Godly boundaries too. The bible is an action book – not a book full of theories. God’s book has loads of practical daily applications. But one of the ways you can teach your kids is to set a good example. 

It’s no use talking about not stealing if you continue to cheat on your income tax. Or maybe you don’t take back money that is not yours when the check-out chick gives you the wrong change! Telling them not to squabble will have a short shelf-life if you and your spouse regularly have word fights as a love language! What you watch on TV is another way to witness to them. I used to tell mine: “Jesus wouldn’t watch that, its demonstrating how to do stuff we don’t do, because we follow Him.” The Lord disciplines us for our own good – love doesn’t always say ‘yes.’

On the positive side: my hubby, (grandpa), takes any or all of our grandkids out with him, when he is visiting the neighbours to bless them with a gift, or helping them out. Our grandson, who is 15, asks a bazillion questions afterward. It has opened up all kinds of conversations. Faith is not just a Sunday event, it’s a lifestyle. And yes, I have had more than one of my own kids reject that lifestyle … but praise Him that the Word of God eventually prevailed and now they have their own faith – without any pressure from me. Now my kids teach ME stuff. Boy, that was a hard nut to swallow initially, but I’m the better for it. They help to keep me honest about what I believe. 

My last thought on this subject is this:  our world today is totally happy to accept the premise that we don’t have to respect other people. ‘I will only respect you if you have earned it.”  Hooey! The people who say that guff don’t respect or acknowledge Almighty God  – so why are we following them? That’s backwards! I know I’m old-fashioned, but respecting other human beings is essential. It facilitates relationships. A lack of interpersonal respect promotes anarchy. The whole idea that I’m the only person who can decide whether things are good or bad is terrifying.

I wonder — how are you parenting your kids as you follow Him? Bye. 👋

P 3114 We are so precious to Him.

/ DVH

“But I promise you, no weapon meant to hurt you will succeed, and you will refute every accusing word spoken against you. This promise is the inheritance of Yahweh’s servants, and their vindication is from Me,” says Yahweh.” Isaiah 54:17.

You know, sometimes the Lord says extraordinary things in His book. In my thinking, this is one of them. Imagine this —Father God has chosen to make us co-heirs with Jesus! How someone like me ever be chosen for that honour? There you go …here I am back thinking things are earned or deserved …it is SO easy to do!

Today, let’s remind ourselves how much He loves each and every one of us. I’ve read about people who have made incredible contributions to the Father’s kingdom, things that are so much more than anything most people could dream of doing. However, that’s what God’s Grace truly is – it is the great equaliser. Everyone of us needs it, therefore, no-one can be greater than anyone else.  Jesus gave us all that – what a Saviour!

His completed work at Calvary has seated US with Himself in heavenly places. At the same time as being born into His family — this will blow your mind — we’ve also been adopted into the Father’s family. I am not just an acquaintance of God, or His friend, now I am officially HIS KID. What a blessing! So much more than I could ever deserve, You and I are now a part of His very own chosen family. Almighty God, in His infinite generosity, made us His children. After we come to terms with what that means to each of us, what will be our response? I just want to mention that the discouraging thought: “He can’t love me after what I’ve done,” goes right out of the window! Loving parents do not give up on their kids and neither does HE.  

During the course of our earthly lives, Almighty God planted His spiritual seed within us, and when it was time, He harvested it and we were born into His very own family. Now Grace, love, joy, peace, faith etc. are no longer optional extras! Those things are IN OUR GENES! These things are now ours by birthright. When a child is born into a family, part of its inheritance is from its genes – the good, the bad and the ugly. In contrast, adoption means you have no clue about your child’s forbearers. So adoption involves teaching, loving correction, and a watchful eye over the child because its roots are unknown. 

We have neighbours who adopted a disabled baby who had no palate, a cleft lip, plus severe hearing and learning difficulties. Her future in her own country was grim. Feeding her was a nightmare, her misshapen mouth and palate could not contain food. She screamed constantly in the strange environment. plus she had to endure countless operations, and so did her adoptive parents. They suffered with her. Now she is a teenager and she’s in a cricket team that is going to play in the state championship in her age group! Her speech and comprehension are fine, and she eats easily like everyone else! People chose her when she was not appealing – and loved her into life. That’s what the Lord does for us. Praise Him!

Adoption can take a different level of love and work because the child is not of your own flesh. Most of these kids have been rejected. But both a natural parent and an adoptive parent still pass on an inheritance. God Himself chose both methods for us. That’s how much He loves us and wants us. We have been born into the Father’s family, through the Holy Spirit’s work, and then He turned around and chose to adopt us as well! It is as if He wanted to make sure that we know, that we know, that we belong to Him, forever. We have been nurtured by, and now have the DNA of God Himself, within us.

BTW, that means if we come into disrepute – so does He. But when we live our lives day by day, loving Him and showing the love and acceptance He has given to us, to others – He is glorified. That’s our aim. Not a successful ministry or 1,000,000 likes on Facebook, or a very big church! We want other people to see Jesus in us and give Him glory for Who He is and what He has done for everyone. That is part of our inheritance as His twice-loved kids.

We all love the bit in the above verse that talks about no weapon that is formed against will prosper, BUT – do we know, personally, that this promise is also part of our inheritance? When somebody dislikes me enough to shoot at me – then the bible, the instructions given to me from my Parent — tells me to start blessing them. My Dad has given me His book so I know how to live as His child! So, I bless their house, I bless their car, I bless their family and their relationships, I bless them with provision and I BLESS THEM WITH A PURE KNOWLEDGE OF JESUS HIMSELF!!

Why? Because hopefully, my enemies will no longer be my enemies when they encounter Him! The reason they hate me is because they have no knowledge of God in them, when and IF they do, our relationship will change, we will become family. That’s the gospel, the message I have been given to carry. It affects everything around me, and it’s part of my Kingdom inheritance. 

We are so precious to the Lord – the greatest price ever paid, was paid by Him – because He is both our Father and He chose us. Bye ❤️

P 3083 Adaptability.

/ DVH

““Learn this well: Unless you dramatically change your way of thinking and become teachable like a little child, you will never be able to enter in.” Matthew 18:3 TPT.

Back when my kids were little, once a year I took the three of them, separately, off into the city to buy an individual ornament each for our Christmas tree. Those individual journeys included a visit to the Christmas theme park on Myer’s roof, a ride on something or other, plus a joyous inspection of the Myer windows. Then we wandered around the Christmas shop together choosing this year’s ornament. Finally they had a yummy treat, and a return long train ride home, with lots of time to talk. 

However, even though fun was on the agenda, I knew I was there to teach them how to be responsible caring people, whilst preserving as much of their childhood fun as I could. So somebody else, (me!), cleaned their clothes, and decided what they would eat, and I looked after them when they were sick etc. Unfortunately, once they started to grow up, things became more difficult. They didn’t like this and they wouldn’t eat that. Their ‘teachability’ and ‘adaptability’ levels dropped clear away as they grew older. 

I discovered today, when I spent time meditating on this verse from Matthew, that I personally have no idea how to be a child when I am with the Lord. After all children trust their parent to get things right! But that kind of freedom was absent from my own life, because I don’t think I actually knew very many carefree moments. I’m not complaining BTW, I simply lived with a distinct lack of the kind of freedom a happy child enjoys. So it continually clouded my view of the way the Lord sees me. 

And let us be clear —the Lord sees us as His children, as well as seeing us as His people. It dawned on me that I need my thinking transformed in this area as I have a limited human reference point to draw upon. I strongly suspect that I am not the only pickle in this barrel, many other people have had limited childhood experiences too! But is this what this verse is all about? Is it just the idea of being taken care of without even noticing? Or being able to play anywhere you want, whenever you want? I came to believe this verse is all about our inner attitude toward God Himself.

So I did further research and decided to look at children in other countries. And lo and behold, in the midst of war, starvation, and suffering, I saw that if a child can play, it will. We’ve all seen pictures of children playing in bomb sites, or in the dust and dirt of a refugee camp. I came to the conclusion that childlikeness is an inner attitude – it is not formed by our outward situations. It seems to me that Jesus is talking about the way we approach this life. Things like wanting to learn and being adaptable to change.

Those children in refugee camps etc. don’t want to be where they are, they would probably like a nice little safe house to live in, but their circumstances have taught them to ADAPT.And as I have aged, it seems I have become less adaptable. That attitude, plus life’s ongoing difficulties, trials and heartaches can actually keep me from the very place Father God wants me to live in! He wants me to remember that I can always be confident in Him, despite my inner or outward circumstances. 

Faith is defined in the dictionary like this:“complete trust or confidence in someone or something.” That’s when I took a good look at my own measure of faith and I decided that my somewhat oppressive childhood was no excuse. I can’t hide in what other people did to me, because now – today! – I have a choice. I can’t even hide in what some people continue to do to me …because my confidence is in GOD HIMSELF, not in my circumstances or other people’s actions. Whether I am damaged by this life, or ill because of my body’s weaknesses, I can still choose to live in complete confidence that God is with me, and for me, and He will finish the work He started in me.

That’s what childlikeness looks like. It is about trusting in  SomeOne Who is greater than I am – even when I don’t understand what is going on. Every single thing that happens to me does not always have to be assessed by my understanding because my understanding is broken! Unless I believe that God Himself means to do me good, when things look bad – I will start to lose my childlike attitude and trust. 

Wonder of wonders, my glorious Father has given me a book that gives me detailed descriptions of how He feels about me, (and many many other people) so I need to put my faith in His written word, more than I put it in whatever is going on around me. Children trust their parents to fix things – while they go on with what they are doing. In the end, I decided to pray to be more adaptable … how about you? 👋 

“Energise the limp hands, strengthen the rubbery knees. Tell fearful souls, “Courage! Take heart! God is here, right here, on His way to put things right And redress all wrongs. He’s on His way! He’ll save you!” Isaiah 35:3-4.

P 2983 We have a Friend.

/ DVH

“And in a similar way, the Holy Spirit takes hold of us in our human frailty to empower us in our weakness. For example, at times we don’t even know how to pray, or know the best things to ask for. But the Holy Spirit rises up within us to super-intercede on our behalf, pleading to God with emotional sighs too deep for words. God, the searcher of the heart, knows fully our longings, yet He also understands the desires of the Spirit, because the Holy Spirit passionately pleads before God for us, His holy ones, in perfect harmony with God’s plan and our destiny. So we are convinced that every detail of our lives is continually woven together for good, for we are His lovers who have been called to fulfil His designed purpose.”Romans 8:26-28 TPT. Prayer is our investment in someone else’s life.

I do love the way Paul says “at times we don’t know how to pray…” He only wrote half of the books in the New Testament!! I feel so much better!  I don’t know how to pray most of the time. I have to ask the Holy Spirit ‘please show me how to pray about this situation.’ And sometimes I ask Him ‘how do I join in with You in Your prayer?’ about this situation? I’ve gotten very picky in my old age, I don’t just want any old answer, I want His answer! I’ve tasted and seen for myself that the Lord is good, and I want to live in much deeper water than that. One word from Jesus and I come alive. There is always more… go after more.

For years I stuffed myself full of other people’s insights, simply because I liked what they said better than I liked what I managed to find for myself. I read this latest and greatest book, and that other fantastic book with the secret of getting your prayers answered. And my poor brain simply could not hold all that extra information and the keys they kept giving me. Just do this … and all will be well … . That stuff kept falling out. That’s when I started to grow tired of pre-digested food. I think the Holy Spirit must have been praying for me about this – I certainly can’t see how I could have been led into learning from Him for myself, otherwise! I was very stuck. And I was sick of being stuck!  

Hands up all those people who think that the Holy Spirit knows how to pray perfectly? Me too! So, what is better than chasing the One Who knows how to pray perfectly? Why follow another person who can get lost just like I can? To start with, I saved a heap of money on books!  It was a no-brainer for me. You know how the bible says in Psalm 103:2: “…forget not all His benefits…” ….Well, this is one of them. The Holy Spirit prays for us all the time, all day, every day, day in – day out. He’s in the eternal NOW and He doesn’t stop. That thought alone just makes me want to cry. Imagine that. Imagine His devotion to our spiritual well-being!

Even the best parent isn’t that good! Not only does the Holy Spirit pray, but when we feel weak, unloved, and unlovely;  He knows how to lift us up in that weakness, back up into the sacred space where we find God’s strength again. He reminds us how much Almighty God loves us. This is a fact — right here, right now. In all our failings and rotten attitudes, we have perfect love pouring down upon us, day after day after day. Not just when we pray. All day, all night, and when we finally open our little eyeballs in the morning again.

He isn’t just praying for us to be delivered from evil either … the Holy Spirit knows how to pray for everything and anything we need. Courage. A new pair of shoes. Someone who is flesh and blood to love us for who we are. In every need we have, He prays for us to be aware of, and strengthened, and helped by God Himself. He even sends out His angels to minister to us. Many times those angels are other people. Listening people. Are you the kind of person who listens carefully to Him, so you can bless others with a word, or an action, or kindness? That’s what He is like. Oh, I am such a fan of the Holy Spirit, the One Who loves to remain unseen.

All sorts of people tell me they are following Jesus, sometimes they are great speakers, or they can prophesy … but until I see a heart that is generous, unobtrusive, and wants to bless others—to physically bless them…I remain unimpressed. I want fruit. You want and need fruit too. Words are not fruit. Actions are. And the Person Who prompts all those actions is the Holy Spirit. Whispering… “why don’t you just go and do this or that …” He hardly ever shouts. That’s why we need learn to listen to Him. 

The Holy Spirit is the only Person I know, Who can take terrible situations, and awful people, plus a rotten personal  attitude and weave it into something so beautiful it will glorify God Himself! I have no idea how He does it – but I love watching Him work. One of the reasons you and I don’t always see the fruit of our prayers is that we cannot see God’s bigger picture. I’ve learnt to look for the good in any situation.  Where God is, there is good! Drag your eyes away from the obvious failures and disasters all around us, and ask the Holy Spirit to show you the good in it. 

I am learning to live with the expectation that there will be good, I will find His good no matter how it looks. God calls that faith … I call it knowing Him, just a little. We have the dearest Friend ever, He knows how to look through any storm and see Jesus walking towards us on the water. Hold on dear friends, the Perfect One is right there … can you see Him? Bye 🕊️.

P 2789 Our willingness to obey helps us with digestion …

/ DVH

… and that leads to spiritual health. I think it also means that whatever we do repeatedly – we will become. 

Have you ever been looking for something and found it years later, hidden away at the bottom of your junk drawer?  Life is sometimes like that. Sometimes we don’t even know those things they are there. You end up saying to yourself: ”Oh, I’ve been looking for that for ages.”  Hold onto your hat. Today, I found some stuff hidden inside me that I had conveniently forgotten about. I took those things as past hurts and I didn’t consider the consequences to my faith.

Things get hidden in everyone’s lives. And some of the time it’s not deliberate sin, it’s carelessness. And this condition can be true for many kinds of attitudes. Some attitudes in our hearts are sneaky – they hide away under pious talk, and seemingly righteous indignation. But those things are not from the Lord, instead they are devices of our own choosing to hide ourselves from who we really are. I found a bunch of that stuff in my own life recently. 😱 Like this morning.

One way, over the years that I have learnt what is going on in my heart, is to carefully listen to what comes out of my mouth. Boy, that will scare the stuffing out of you! When I began to pray over the things I found in my thinking, I learnt that— lo and behold — my thinking in some areas was definitely not good. It nearly gave me indigestion! Hey, it’s great to watch your mouth, do it — but renewing our minds takes work and application, so we are going to need the Holy Spirit’s help with our thought lives too.  And that nicely leads into my thought for today.

I won’t digest whatever the Holy Spirit wants to teach me about myself, and the way I relate to Him and others, if I continually excuse myself. Even a flippant attitude can be a hiding place. The Lord is very thorough and kind with me. He often quotes me, to me. I hate it and love it … all at the same time. Sigh. Sometimes I wish the things I write every day will just kind of seep into my pores, rather than me having to work at it!  But obedience helps me with digestion, and I want His Word to be a part of me. … so-oo-….!!! On we go…

The thing is, none of us can afford to simply agree with what the Holy Spirit says without doing something about it. Now there’s the rub! I debated about whether to write about this subject today, and then hubby sent me an excellent, completely spot-on and appropriate scripture. I didn’t know whether to brain him, or thank him!! Of course I thanked him, and then I gave him one of those beautifully pious smiles, I’ve been talking about. 🙄 Meanwhile, eventually it turned out that I was measuring God and His actions, by the way I was raised> Now there’s a really dumb thing to do.

I know I cannot be gracefully transformed if I will not change my mind. And reading the bible is meant to be a heart searching event – not just a daily chore. So I started off with repentance, and in this whole process, I discovered something wonderful! The Lord is not legalistic. He is incredibly kind and generous!  I realised that I had yet another idea squirrelled away inside my heart, and it was a bad one. It needed to be changed because I don’t need to hold onto wrong concepts any longer. Father God is not like the ordinary sometimes sinful people that raised me, He’s perfect. Therefore I cannot put Him in the same category as my parental figures, because that will spoil our relationship.  

Praise God for a Saviour, because I find I need saving from myself all the time! I asked Him to forgive me for totally misjudging Him, and using my own human experiences as a reference for His actions. This sin had been hidden away deep inside, under pain, misunderstanding, despair, hopelessness, and just plain misery … that awful pile of stuff we all have that we hope no-one knows about … because we tell ourselves we ‘gotta be strong and courageous.’  Well I’m not. I’m weak and sometimes terrified and I definitely need His help all the time! 

This means that my active and interactive obedience has to come from owning my own questionable and inaccurate feelings. So I asked Him to replace them with how HE feels about me. And then I asked for a personal revelation of the kind of parent He is. I need one. I forgave all the people from the past who wrote all over my soul, “this is what love looks like.” Whether they did that on purpose or accidentally! And now I will take the time to meditate on every verse I read that tells me what He is like – and soak in it. 

“Why would you ever complain, O Jacob, or, whine, Israel, saying, “God has lost track of me. He doesn’t care what happens to me”? Don’t you know anything? Haven’t you been listening? God doesn’t come and go. God lasts. He’s Creator of all you can see or imagine. He doesn’t get tired out, doesn’t pause to catch His breath. And He knows everything, inside and out. He energises those who get tired, gives fresh strength to dropouts. For even young people tire and drop out, young folk in their prime stumble and fall. But those who wait upon God get fresh strength. They spread their wings and soar like eagles, They run and don’t get tired, they walk and don’t lag behind.” Isaiah 40:27-3.

Our willingness to obey and be taught by Him – as well being open to discover what’s really going on inside us – will help us digest the Word. The Holy Spirit doesn’t want to hurt us, He has been sent to help us. Bye. 👋

P 2679 Stress – the peace devourer.

/ DVH

This is the dictionary’s interpretation of the word – STRESS: great worry caused by a difficult situation. People under a lot of stress may experience headaches, minor pains, and sleeping problems  As if life isn’t difficult enough!

Here are some of my own thoughts about combating stress. I believe exercise can help. Repetitive gentle stretching and moderate exercise gives my brain more oxygen to work with! Plus I use intentional breathing. I quiet my emotions and thoughts by simply concentrating on my breathing. And a few good night’s sleep in a row can help! Also do something fun to break the cycle of “I’ve gotta be, gotta do, gotta go, gotta help …” Instead prioritise helping yourself to get rid of the stress. Stressful people ain’t fun to be around!!

I think parents often find themselves striving to keep their kids lives on an even keel. When kids are on edge so is everyone else! My advice is to let them practice fixing their own problems, instead of adding their problems into your list! I do this all the time. 🙄 Older kids need to be given opportunities to resolve conflict and trouble for themselves – it’s a much needed life-skill. I’d encourage them to ask the Lord to help, but I would also pray for them. The thing is, we often problem solve things for our kids because if they are stressed then they over-stress us and … round and round we go! Pray God will help them and step away. If they are too young to think things through, then present them with two alternative answers to their barrage of questions – tell them the answer is this OR that.

Laughter and humour are great stress breakers. But if you are dealing with another person I recommend that you explain you are not laughing AT them – otherwise war may break out! Watch something you like on TV, that is not stressful. I use Youtube a lot. I put on some Tim Janis or Dappy T Keys and I just listen and watch the pictures! That stuff is like peace on a stick. It’s incredibly peaceful. Or you can listen to music that you like. Sit and read a book and zone out. If you are going to read the bible then read your favourite Psalms. Just don’t read great big swatches of it – it is better to soak, not study. Just read a couple of verses that show you how much God loves you, and regularly pause while reading, to let it sink in. 

People often behave irrationally when they are under stress – it is not intentional – stress has a way of sneaking up on all of us. The thing is, if you are stressed then it is more than likely the rest of your family will pick up on it and they will eventually join in! I believe stress is the cause of more disagreements and strife in our everyday lives than we actually realise. You can’t think your way out of it – because over-thinking got you into it!  FYI, none of us have the ability to solve a whole lot of problems all at once! Just saying …

Stress can tip over into worry when we are unaware of it. The mind winds up and shoots off in a number of directions trying to solve every problem in our universe  – then, quite naturally, our mind objects to being overtaxed because we are not made to deal with a whole lot of problems all at once! I recommend prioritising. Make lists if it helps but remember to cross things off the list once you have accomplished them. Human beings need the feeling of winning, of gaining ground, to help us keep on moving forward. So do celebrate your successes – do it on purpose!

There have been times in my life when I have forgotten what I was stressed about, (good thing!) but then I drove myself nuts trying to remember what I forgot. (Bad thing!!)  At the same time, I have been known to annoy people in my near vicinity with my somewhat over-emphasised problem-solving attempts on their behalf. A problem-solving person may not be what a stressed person needs! I found that out the hard way. Suggestions can just muddy the waters and frustrate everyone.

I have left the best until last. God does not want us to live this life like a frayed end. Please don’t leave the Lord out. He wants IN. He wants to show Himself strong and active on our behalf. I have often made the mistake of thinking that the best way for God to help me, is for Him to solve all my problems. Wrong! God is not our personal problem solver any more than He is our personal trainer! His aim is for us to get through the difficulties holding onto His hand, totally at peace and releasing that peace into the atmosphere around us.

John 14:27 says:“Peace I leave with you; My peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” How do we enter this peace? There’s this groovy little word called “let,” it means “allow.” When we find ourselves buzzing about like a bumble bee trapped by a window, it is time to realise that we have let ourselves be overwhelmed by the circumstances. Time to stop and pray about letting things go and handing them over to Him. See all the above suggestions … I told you I like to make them!! 😊 Lastly, fix the things you can with His help, but relinquish the ones you can’t. Bye. 👋

P 2639 The hardest thing for a parent to do …

/ DVH

…is to love their grown up child, and hate their kid’s sin. As we all know, little kids are a lot of work, nappies, feeding, tantrums, cuddles, sleeping  – all that stuff is hard physically and mentally. It’s a demanding time. But – the hardest days are ahead — teaching your older kids to obey a God they cannot see is much harder. Unless they are prepared to read His book. 

Every bad habit you ever had or saw in yourself, can start to come out back at you, in their behaviour. As the maturing child grows you might end up judging your own investment in their lives, and feel like you fell short. Years of teaching, talking, redirecting, unselfishness and sacrifice are often forgotten. So when that older kid flops its big toe across the line and stares you right in the eye … while they are living without the Lord, and they refuse to change … that stuff is utterly devastating.

Some kids are so adept at getting what they want, they know exactly what buttons to press. In those moments we need to be careful. We can’t afford to come into agreement with a way of life that is out of agreement with God’s ways. Yet you can be so tempted to agree because you love your kid!

I know a little bit about this subject. Our kids are all now fully-mature functioning adults with grown-up kids of their own. But one of my adult children doesn’t walk with Jesus and they live somewhere else. Let me be very clear – I still miss that kid in my life. The pain from the semi-estrangement can be so hard I choose to refuse to think about it. Because I know that I can get caught up in the details of my own failure, and end up in blame and guilt. I second-guess my much earlier decisions and blame myself for the adult child’s wrong decisions.

Praise Jesus, I’ve learnt to hand this kind of situation over to Him and say: “I failed! Your turn!” The hardest thing for a parent to do is to keep on praying … but walk away. As a parent, you can throw His love over their fence – figuratively – as the Lord leads you, but don’t be tempted to try to change them. Let them come to you. And when and if they repent, do wait to see the fruit of their repentance. Refuse to be blackmailed by sad sack faces, and pleas of ‘it will be different this time, I promise.’  We cannot afford to let torment and guilt drag us around by the heart, we need to be led by HIS LOVE – which never ceases, but has boundaries.

The verse from yesterday really spoke to me: “…they not only continue to do these very things but also approve of those who practice them.” Romans 1:32. I have dear friends whose adult kids are living in terrible life-styles, far away from the Lord. Of course they love their kids and hate to disapprove of them, however these grown up kids are light years away from that little child we can still see! Unfortunately, when your kids don’t follow the Lord, blame can follow you around like a rottweiler! It’s ready to grab and bite your ankles and drag you under. The devil is not satisfied with just tormenting you, hurting your kid and hurting you through your kid, he wants to destroy your faith as well.

An adult kid still knows how to get at you – manipulation is often its middle name! It can wind you around its little finger. Sadly, it doesn’t care about right and wrong, it will try every which way to drag your approval out of you. Even when it is clear to everyone else that the way that kid is living is not helping them! Christian parents can get sucked into the vortex of throwing love, lifelines and even money at wayward adult children in the hope that somehow that will convince them that the parent loves them and so does God. The raw truth is – when we do that, we are approving of, and feeding the very behaviour that needs change. 

The thing to do is to make your position, lovingly and clearly, and maybe say stuff like this: “ I am not rejecting you – you are bigger than this sinful lifestyle. I love you, I always will, I will always feed you if you are hungry. But what you are doing, the way you are living, is wrong, and I will not invest my approval, finances, and energy to help you go the WRONG WAY. I will not help you to go to hell!” Parenting is not for the faint-hearted. And sadly our society approves of everything! There is enormous pressure on parents. However, God loves them more than you do. Step out of His way. 

Only you know the maturity of your child. For some kids this relinquishment of responsibility might have to happen earlier rather than later. Don’t EVER stop loving them, but don’t dive in with them and let them run the show when they are clearly living sinful lives. Hold fast to your faith that God hears and He will deliver them. May the Lord give you grace to stand up against the devil’s onslaught. Amen. 🥲

P 2638 Turning away from God has dire consequences.

/ DVH

“They have become filled with every kind of wickedness, evil, greed and depravity. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit and malice. They are gossips,  slanderers, God-haters, insolent, arrogant and boastful; they invent ways of doing evil; they disobey their parents; they have no understanding, no fidelity, no love, no mercy. Although they know God’s righteous decree that those who do such things deserve death, they not only continue to do these very things but also approve of those who practice them.” Romans 1:29-32.

Those of you who are familiar with Romans will probably already know that chapter one clearly outlines why people end up doing appalling things. Some of them are listed in the text above, and there are still other things that have been mentioned in that chapter. I just want to say, once and for all, it is not my wish to comment upon other people’s lifestyles and choices. Whether I have done all of these things or not, I still found myself in that list above, so that list does not exclude me …whether I have done this thing or that …OR NOT!  … Praise God HE found ME and now I am learning to honour Him in all things.

My point today is that we can easily end up pointing the finger at someone else because they do things we consider to be truly despicable, and we know that the bible clearly says none of us should live like that. We can even go so far as to publicly condemn others for their actions and proclivities — but the real truth is – the bible is a mirror. And the first and best person to see in that mirror is ME! If, by God’s grace I am able to share with you what I’ve seen about myself – it is in the hope that it will help you. But I am not commenting on anything else in Chapter one except to say that that whole chapter hangs on verses 18-20 – in my opinion. 

“The wrath of God is being revealed from heaven against all the godlessness and wickedness of people, who suppress the truth by their wickedness, since what may be known about God is plain to them, because God has made it plain to them. For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities—His eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that people are without excuse.”

We are all guilty of not recognising, or even looking for, Almighty God, and putting Him in first place – when the evidence that He exists is clearly everywhere! My point is that living like that will have dire consequences! We will end up in the mud of sin and it will pull us under. Paul came to preach God’s mercy and grace to the people who knew they needed mercy and grace. Putting a big tick on any abhorrent behaviour is dangerous. By saying a big tick I mean looking at others and condemning them, while we are feeling good about ourselves, because … we don’t do that. Judging people can become the biggest distraction of all! Sadly, it becomes way too easy to go on from there, and make excuses for whatever WE’VE DONE, in comparison to someone else. 

This chapter proves to me there is nothing new under the sun, we just think we are more clever now, than they were back when Paul was preaching, but …  we are still falling down the same holes they did!! Christianity’s real issue is not this sin or that action, it is WHO IS IN CHARGE HERE? If your answer is ME, MYSELF AND I – then you are going the wrong way. Our multiple sins cry out against us. They are proof of our inner selves and attitudes. However in order to slide off into one sin or another – somewhere, somehow – we had to decide that there was no God, or that God didn’t matter and we don’t have to answer to Him. Alternatively, we can make Him into the kind of God that is indulgent of everything we do – when the book clearly says otherwise! There’s another disappointment waiting to happen!

Our biggest sin is not acknowledging Him. Not just that list of stuff in His book. Mainly because, that list is the result of human beings living this life selfishly and carelessly.  It seems to me we can sometimes be much happier to look at others instead of ourselves because looking at others provides a happy distraction from the huge great boil on my nose! Metaphorically speaking, of course. Logs and specks. Matthew 7:1-5. Personally I have enough logs to go on with, you had better deal with your own specks, OK?

Sadly one of the next easiest things to do is to excuse ourselves and our sinful behaviour because of our upbringing. We merrily try to shove our responsibility for our behaviour off onto a sinful parent, (or authority figure), who had their own troubles. It’s ME that needs transformation! Even if you annoy the living daylights out of me, day after day after day – I have no excuse, because this world I live in proves God exists, and I will answer to Him. He has promised to help me change. 

As I have said before, other people’s behaviour cannot be an excuse for our own choices. Jesus Himself put up with a man who betrayed him for three years. He taught that man, encouraged him and prayed for him. Judas would be the first person to say: “I made my own choices.” We need to start there. It’s called taking responsibility for our own actions. Turning away from God has dire consequences. 👋

P 2589 Don’t get caught up in the machinery …

/ DVH

… because the Lord is still talking to people! Just talk to Him. We have 4,998,214 books that have been written, by lovely people who want to help us learn how to pray … so it is extremely easy to get caught up in methods, not conversation, and hope that will do. Methods require remembering, but conversation allows you and I to be spontaneously ourselves, as well as honest with Him. It opens the door to further revelation about Who He is, as well as … who I am not!

Look, if you belong to a prayer group and you feel better praying ‘proper’ prayers there, then do it. But in your alone time with the Lord, just talk to Him. Jesus Himself talked to His Father like this … look at how personal He is!“Then Jesus looked up and said, “Father, I thank You that You have heard Me. I knew that You always hear Me, but I said this for the benefit of the people standing here, that they may believe that You sent Me.” John 11:41b-42. That’s what personal looks like. It shows the breadth of Their relationship. 

Our God is not a slot machine where you put in your $5 — (well, the price of everything has gone up nowadays) — and … out comes the answer. He is a Person. With feelings and passion. He loves, He hates, He is disappointed, He watches over us, etc. Does any of that sound impersonal to you?  We dare not reduce Almighty God to our way of thinking, or even some sort of a system. He wants us to love Him from a sincere heart, not just placating Him with trite sayings. What I mean is this, there are plenty of systems in place that indicate we HOW we should pray … if you want this, then you need to pray that. Jesus Himself gave us clues on how to pray, but don’t be so rigid about prayer that it becomes utterly formal and has no life in it. He’s our Father. Be real with Him.

If it appeals to you, you could take some time to study the kind of prayers Moses, Gideon, Jonah, Job, Ezekiel, Jeremiah etc. prayed. Pick a bible person for yourself and look at how they talked to God in the book. Jonah got cranky at Him and said so – but God did not smite that man mightily! Instead He conversed with Jonah, and reasoned with him. When you are reading the bible, take the time to look at the WAY these men of God related to Him. I want you to see, for yourself, that Almighty God wants you to be you, with Him.

Why? Why should I be myself? Here’s my little theory … there has never been, nor will there ever be someone else like you. Who you are, is a unique expression of our God’s creativity. He enjoys you, your company — the way any parent enjoys a beloved child’s presence. Following someone else’s prayer methods may feel safer, but in the long run, it is limiting … mainly because you are not them! Our God is bigger than our fears. Mightier than our mistakes, and more loving than we can ever imagine! Don’t worry about stumbling over words, or getting it wrong. The reality is prayer is about your heart talking to His heart. 

Our human relationships are often limited by a lack of communication. We don’t want to tell people that they are hurting us, because we want to be seen to be ‘nice,’ and ‘a good Christian.’  But when we act like that, eventually one of three things will happen — we will distance ourselves from the person who is hurting us and that means a severed relationship… Or we will tell the person exactly how we feel in no uncertain terms, because we’ve allowed a head of steam and anger to build up inside! That’s when we introduce the possibility of a worse, severed, irreparable relationship. OR we decide to talk honestly and openly about what is wrong and introduce the possibility of real restoration. 

Almighty God deliberately became a man, Jesus Christ – and that gives Him incredible insight into how people feel and act. Anybody who has read the Old Testament can tell you that real people wrangle with God. They don’t put on religious faces, or trot out religious rituals to take care of their relationship with Him. These people understand that they are dealing with Almighty God and being human is not a sin. Getting angry is not a sin. Being grief stricken and or even disappointed is not a sin – but we can’t fix something we won’t acknowledge.  He wants to become THE SAFE PLACE we take our burdens to. 

Please don’t let the machinery of prayer take the place of real relationship. Many times, I ask Him questions … then I open my bible and the answer to those questions is staring at me right where I am about to read!  Don’t pray AT Him, TALK to Him. Bye. 👋

P 2359 Psalm 3.

/ DVH

King David’s song when he was forced to flee from Absalom, his own son: “Lord, I have so many enemies, so many who are against me. Listen to how they whisper their slander against me, saying: “Look! He’s hopeless! Even God can’t save him from this!”  Pause in His Presence. But in the depths of my heart I truly know that You, Yahweh, have become my Shield; You take me and surround me with Yourself. Your glory covers me continually. You lift high my head. I have cried out to You, Yahweh, from Your holy presence You send me a Father’s help. Pause in His presence

So now I’ll lie down and sleep like a baby—then I’ll awake in safety, for You surround me with Your glory. Even though ten thousand dark powers prowl around me. I won’t be afraid. Rise up and help me, Yahweh! Come and save me, God! For You will slap them in the face, breaking the power of their words to harm me. FOR THE LORD ALONE IS MY SAVIOUR. What a feast of favour and bliss He gives His people! Pause in His presence.”

Some times the people we love dearly, the ones who are our family, can do the most damage. It doesn’t even have to be what they say – neglect and abandonment can devastate us. The first point I want to make today is that this kind of scenario is not a walk in the park. We can’t just click our heels and the bad bits will go away. These things severely test us and often challenge our belief systems.They test our resolve to follow Him no matter what happens. 

Some things are a choice, but when it comes to family, those things are the places where we find we are most vulnerable. Family is about history. They knew you when. You knew them from birth…. That kind of history tears at our hearts like very little else, and betrayal from those who are meant to protect and care for us brings deep wounds. My advice is this;  start this process with healing, not rebuking or blaming your self. Ask the Lord Himself to be your Father and help you with the places that are bleeding inside from all that betrayal you feel. 

Don’t make excuses for them, and don’t make excuses for you either. It is what it is. David’s son was trying to kill him to take the throne. It wasn’t a whoopsie, or an error of judgment, it was a deliberate act of betrayal for Absalom’s gain. If you read the story, (2 Samuel 13-37 -15-12), Absalom went about whispering in other people’s ears, trying to turn the people’s loyalty away from David. That is not a mistake, it is deliberate SIN. In Absalom’s case it was jealousy and pride. He was beautiful and popular and he knew it and then pride took over.

Sometimes our family member/s are not simply making a mistake, they have joined their allegiances with destruction. They may call it correction, or caring for you, but because you are maintaining some degree of freedom or other they do not have, they will try to stop you anyway they can. Jesus Himself said this about families in Matthew 10:36 –“Don’t think I’ve come to make life cozy. I’ve come to cut—make a sharp knife-cut between son and father, daughter and mother, bride and mother-in-law—cut through these cozy domestic arrangements and free you for God. Well-meaning family members can be your worst enemies. If you prefer father or mother over Me, you don’t deserve Me. If you prefer son or daughter over Me, you don’t deserve Me.”

Look, if Jesus Himself talked about it, then difficulties like this aren’t totally unexpected. My only advice is grieve for your loss and ask the Lord to heal your heart with His Grace and Love, and then, immediately go on to choosing forgiveness. Some family members will turn around, and others will see your forgiving heart as something that can be used against you. Then you will need grace, grace and more grace. Don’t leave home without it, because Grace can do the impossible. 

Don’t just content yourself with forgiving out of some kind of familial loyalty – ask and keep on asking for His Grace to truly forgive. INSIST. Meanwhile difficulties like this can take time to heal, so keep on believing God is helping you – and don’t quit. Take your focus off the family member/s that are persecuting you, and deliberately give those people as an act of your will, to Jesus. And then keep on doing that each time they come up in your mind – eventually Jesus in you will win.

At the same time it is good to go on into blessing these folks until you find you really mean it. It’s all a process and an extremely hard one at that. Your job is to watch over your heart and leave the work to the Holy Spirit. Let’s give thanks that we have a Parent Who never stops loving us, and He is totally devoted to the restoration of families. 👋🏻