Many people give up on God because it seems to them that following Him from day to day, doesn’t work, and so they just float off proclaiming “that religion thing didn’t work for me.” The good news is – Jesus never ever gives up on us. Even when we are kind of pretending we are OK, as we sob or angrily bob about on our man-made li-los. The Lord Jesus will always come after us. Reconciliation is at the core of Who He is. 

Anybody who has had a difficult person in their lives will tell you that being misunderstood;  or having your motivation treated with suspicion;  or even being judged by someone else’s standard —  is an awful kind of suffering. I think Christians are a bit like salmon, swimming against the pressing tide of the rest of humanity, waiting for the power to jump up the next waterfall. Meanwhile the people-who-don’t-know-Him-yet are merrily cruising the freeways of this life, creating accidents and disasters for others.

This week I fell over, or under, or maybe into!  — an old learning curve and it knocked me on my head. My spiritual life lately has forced me to re-evaluate a whole lot of things, a death in the family does that. It included issues that I thought were kind of settled. I discovered that sometimes being ‘angry’ with someone else doesn’t go away permanently, even when I am trusting Jesus to help me with it. Instead it hangs about and waits for an opportune moment to pop its nasty little head up again and poke you! That aforementioned many-headed Hydra! Things often make a return appearance when we’ve been weakened by adverse circumstances.

I am astonished at how ordinary events can hit buttons you didn’t know you had anymore, because they have remained hidden. Even those things that you’ve given over to the Lord and forgotten, can still be dragged up and used by the enemy against you. satan will still remind us of our past grievances, and at the same time, we can get sucked into into a ‘poor me’ vortex. It is good to remember that when we confess our sins our God forgives us, and now our sins are under Jesus’ blood. We need that!

I’ve prayed about anger a lot, I had to!  And the Lord reminded me: “It says in the Bible: be angry but don’t sin. Don’t let the sun go down on your anger.” This is what I’ve come up with since then —I’ve been practising giving my anger to the Lord before I go to sleep! Because right now when I am in an unexpectedly pressing moment, I can’t seem to deal with my anger. It just keeps popping out, unbidden, in the darndest places. I was in the bank the other day, facing mountains of idiotic red tape — and what I actually thought just flew out of my mouth, at someone else, and boy was I grouchy.

And, even worse,I wasn’t sorry either!! I fake apologised to the person I grouched at, but the inner rumblings continued. So, I exercised self-control, but I practically had to whack my hand over my mouth. Then  I managed to shut up. I actually didn’t repent, repent, until we were back home again. That’s when embarrassment grabbed me by the throat, because I had been caught publicly being rude to someone who was very nice and polite to me. Sigh.

God’s Grace came to meet me, through my husband. He reminded me that part of any normal grief is anger. I always thought that meant you got angry at the person for dying and leaving you. Wrong answer!  I’m actually  happy for my mother, because she was very old and very ill. But at the same time, I was also relieved, because we often had a complicated relationship while she was still here. 

My anger came from many many unresolved issues between us over the years. Instead of confronting those issues at the time, I simply sucked it up because she was my mother. They say one straw breaks the camel’s back? Well, I had a bus load of straw that landed on my head — and the bank’s rigidity and inflexibility regarding their rules won. The lack of justice banged on a wound, and I ran out of Grace. It instantly reminded me of my past injuries. Our enemy is a snake, he knows right where to poke us and find a sore spot..

Up until then, I thought I had been a bit successful at overcoming anger, because I had defeated my bad attitudes after a bit of a skirmish or two. It sounded like this: … “that was so tough, but I made it through to love – ya-ay me!” Here’s a really good thought to remember, pride goes before a fall! But fortunately Jesus throws all our sins in the sea of forgetfulness … however, our enemy still has a whole other agenda. 

This battle we are currently living in, will not be over until the Lord Himself comes back. Plus anger has a lot of heads, and it comes at us in many different ways. However, the bible tells us that the martyrs under the altar are continually crying out to be avenged. Revelation 6:9-10: “…I saw under the altar the souls of those who had been slain for the word of God and for the testimony which they held. And they cried with a loud voice, saying,“How long, O Lord, holy and true, until You judge and avenge our blood on those who dwell on the earth?” 

I found this scripture oddly comforting. These Godly people have left here and now they are in the safest most glorious place and yet they still want to be avenged!  Ya might want to think about that yourself – I did. Bye. 👋