I truly debated over today’s blog and whether I dare be this honest … but … our God is big and He cares about the truth – so here I am, and hopefully someone out there in blog land will be stretched and challenged.

As some of you already know I had an adverse conversation with a set of stairs at our house. I fell up them and then promptly tumbled back down to the bottom. I was very thorough, I did not miss one step! I broke off the head of my humerus in 3 places and fractured my forearm as well. That was not fun. 

Yet I sat at the bottom of the stairs in a cool calm and peaceful fashion for 3 hours, with my hubby and two ambulance people – our house is not easily accessible to gurneys. I had no panic even though it hurt – badly.  Hubby and I both prayed BTW.

Hitting bumps and going around corners in the ambulance later on on the way to hospital was just plain awful – pain doesn’t like bad roads. However, waiting in the queue to be admitted, my whole demeanour changed. Again, I have no idea why!! I ended up cracking jokes and being cheerful when that was truly the last thing on my mind. I am not even going to begin to explain that transformation … I am just going to move on…

All the xrays etc were so not fun … I was crying out loudly in pain. The pain went well beyond the boundaries of sucking it up, and it just went splat everywhere. I was in way too much pain to be embarrassed about how I responded. Suffering happens, it’s an inexplicable subjective reality.

Last night, 8 weeks later … I tripped yet again – no I have not found a new hobby! I was climbing back into bed, missed my step and ended up on the floor … for the second time –  unable to get up. My knees do not like to be knelt on at all – so I was stuck. Again I had the same peace I had experienced the first time. In the end we had to call my son and ask for help at 2.00am. He came immediately and between these two men we managed to get me onto a chair. Once on the chair I was … fine. Today, I had xrays and nothing bad has happened as a result of my second tumble. However I KNEW I WAS OK from the minute it happened to me. 

I do not intend to draw conclusions, the only thing I want to comment on is that obviously the peaceful lucid patches were the Holy Spirit helping me. The rest was me, and my own reaction to suffering. Personally, I would have rather stayed in the peaceful place – I have no idea why I didn’t!! I don’t even know if there was something for me to learn from it all… maybe later …

I am writing about this today because, in my experience, things in this life don’t often make sense. And I think we have developed a whole stream of theology trying to explain the inexplicable! In its own way those kind of  thoughts are still trying to control God, and put Him into a theologically-sound box. That is pointless and quite frankly insulting to Who He is. Some people say: “Take the lid off!” But I say “Let’s blow up the stupid box instead.” 

At this point I want to share what I think are some appropriate scriptures. Psalm 59:8, Psalm 2:4, Psalm 37:13, in these scriptures it tells us that God laughs at mankind’s thoughts and theories etc. It states that our view of Him is way too small. We’ve reduced His Ways – which are past finding out – (Romans 11:33), to something we can manage.

You know, we can analyse, theorise, and explain things until we are purple – we can quote this scripture and that wise person and still stand there as dumb as the dirt we were made from. What gave us life was His breath in us. So let’s not try to add wisdom into His thoughts.  His thoughts are often inexplicable!

Instead, let’s just let Him be our Father Who knows more than we ever could, and accept that our explanations, theories and so-called truths, limit Him like the Israelites did:  “Again and again they turned away and tempted God to kill them, and limited the Holy One of Israel from giving them His blessings.” Psalm 78:41. Let’s skip that mistake … sha-a-ll we?  👋🏻