writing

P 2852 Getting older is a gift.

/ DVH

Lately, hubby and I have had to focus on end-of-life-things, because of elderly family. But enjoying those old folks who are ahead of me age-wise, has provided me with a whacky glimpse into my possible future. Through my interactions with them, I’ve discovered the wonderful humour involved in getting older. With all its foibles and fancies. So today I want to share some fun stories with you. You must understand I am not laughing at old folks … I are one! … But the end of our lives can produce circumstances that are just plain hilarious. These things take our pompous, stuffy I’ve-got-it-all-together attitudes, and poke huge holes in them.  It seems we’ve become too vague to realise we aren’t who we were, anymore!!

My dear Mum, is now 97 years old. She has been extremely deaf all her life. Back in the ark, people whacked other people over the ear-hole regularly, and that had dire results for her. She has been terribly deaf as long as I can remember. Moving along from that stuff, because I want to illustrate the funny bits, not the gnash-your-teeth-and-blame-other-people ones. Lately she has been talking about her hearing loss a lot. She went into an old folk’s home years ago, her choice, and … well … those places can leave a lot to be desired unless you go into one of the millionaire ones! She didn’t!

However she’s happy there – she tells us so, often! Most of the time Mum, in her newly discovered forgetfulness, repeats the same caring questions, over and over again, sometimes minutes apart. We just answer her like it is the first time we’ve heard it. I’ve found a useful secret when relating to the elderly – old people love to reminisce. Back to Mum’s ears.

Recently we discovered that she has not been wearing her hearing aids. We figured that out because we’ve had to shout a lot when we went to see her. So hubby trundled off to get her hearing aids checked out – again – that was the third time in as many months. The home cheerfully gave him 5 single hearing aids to be checked out, even though hearing aids are designed to work in pairs! But, apparently, none of them were working. Well, that odd single hearing aid was always going to be out of luck really. Maybe its partner wandered off somewhere or was stood on! That’s when it transpired that the single hearing aid actually belongs to someone else, called Tony. Who is probably wondering why his hearing aids don’t work either! 

And at the same time, we discovered that one of the other whole pairs has enjoyed the wash and rinse cycle in the washing machine. Hearing aids don’t like that …apparently! The final pair of the five aids were issued in 2016. If I were a hearing aid, I think I’d turn up my toes after 8 or 9 years too. So where have my Mum’s brand new hearing aids gone? Not a clue, neither has the staff. Maybe there is an old lady with a few of them stuffed in each ear or someone is flogging used hearing aids on Ebay. Gotcha! Currently there are more new ones on the way … which is useful. Now we can talk to Mum and not disturb the people 3 blocks away.

Hubby has been a geriatric nurse in his past, and he’s told me some funny stories about his experiences with elderly patients. In the olden days if your teeth were bad you got false teeth – but nowadays they give you root canal and crowns. Dentists became very clever about this kind of stuff in the years in between – they all drive BMWs now! Anyhoo! One morning at the home hubby discovered 6 old folks who couldn’t find their false teeth. He investigated and found one old chap who looked rather like a gold fish – you know the puffy ones? Hmmm. They fished out 6 pairs of false teeth from inside his mouth, and none of them were his! The nurses restored the teeth to their rightful owners after a spot of disinfection. 

Then there was a dear old man who had to get up out of his bed every night to go to the toilet. He had formulated a clever system to make sure he could find his bed again, by counting the doors between his room and the toilet. All went well until he tried to return to his room! He carefully counted, got back to his room and lo and behold, someone else was in what was supposed to be his bed! So the old man figured he must have counted incorrectly, and he walked back to the loo, and began again. He did this many times and still came up with the same result. Fortunately a nurse went by and found the poor old chap still wandering up and down the hallway muttering to himself. It transpired that Goldilocks – in the shape of an often-wandering little old lady – had wandered into his room and snaffled his just-right bed! 

On yet another night one elderly lady suddenly stood up on her bed, walked to the end of it, put her foot on the food tray and grasped the curtain rail … all of this without slipping over! And then she hung there like a trapeze artist. Eventually she lost her grip and fell to the floor, on her head. Fortunately, when she got up, she was totally undamaged and after careful X-ray examination, they put her back into her bed. Why would she do such a thing? Who knows? Maybe she liked the monkey bars as a kid! I still think getting older is a gift! Bye for today. 👋

Psalm 73:26: “Though my flesh and my heart fail, God is the rock of my heart, my portion forever.”

P 2791 Let’s simplify life.

/ DVH

There are many kinds of difficulties in this life, and they occur because real life is not full of rainbows, unicorns and happy endings with blue birds! Instead we get to live day by day with ever-increasing complicated systems that don’t work. Yet our daily delight is to advertise the Lord by the way we treat others – even when they annoy the living daylights out of us.

The other day hubby was explaining stuff very carefully to a person, or maybe it was AI  …whatever-it-was on the other end of the phone! Meanwhile it took him 15 minutes to reach a voice!  AI? Actually it could have been someone who was not the brightest light bulb in the box. He explained to whoever it was on the other end —— that he did not want to be transferred to their local office, because he had already phoned there and they didn’t supply what he wanted. He needed another outcome please. The person listened, said “one moment please” and immediately transferred him to the place he just said he didn’t want to go! There’s a test on self control coming up!!

He went round the merry-go-round three four times before he found someone who was a genuine, regular, breathing proper person. And NO! We will not tell you where that real person is, we found her … she’s ours! Find your own. My hubby loathes phoning large companies. He would honestly rather walk to Alice Springs, than phone the gas company, the electricity company, the bank, the insurance people, the hospital or the government … that last one will really show you where your heart is! It’s an ace diagnostic tool!

It’s not just the wasted time, it’s also the wretched “hold please” music, which is never to your taste and incredibly loud … but you can’t turn it down. So you have to hold the phone away from the your ear, and that means you can miss out on the little voice, that turns up … after 3 months, and if you miss them, then … you go round and round again! “You are tenth in the queue … you are 24th in the queue … ” Huh? How come I went backward? I told hubby the other day when he had been on the phone for hours, circling the drain – that it is OK to be furious with AI!! 

Eventually, when you get off the phone you want to get rid of that explosion of fury you’ve built up, because you want  to walk in Grace. No wonder some people have thinning hair – they must have been pulling it out in frustration. The directions drive you nuts! Press 1, press 7 … press 484 … that’ll get ya where you want to go  …or not! You can end up playing word bingo and you have to guess the right word. Some organisations are like MI6. You need a password to get in!

I’m old! When I use the phone I am hoping to talk to a real person, with a name, and hopefully an address, A proper human VOICE on the other end, that actually understands my questions. I do not want ABU DHABI, I want to find my parcel! And how the heck did it end up in Abu Dhabi in the first place? The other week hubby had to press one cyclic number so many times —because the list of possible destinations for the call were so large that he couldn’t remember them. And he had to start again .. five times! He was stuck like that on the phone for hours — getting nowhere. It’s like hurtling along on a roller coaster. It’s a terrible ride and you can’t get off. Plus you need a rubbish bin to throw up into when it finishes.

BUT, if you don’t phone, then you run the risk of having whatever service that you-suddenly-instantly-wish-you-didn’t-have … cut off! You are informed by the ‘voice’ you must be polite, not sexist, not racist, not homophobic or religious or angry or they will terminate the call.Yet they seem to enjoy poking the bear!! Sigh. Apparently the police can turn up at your house tomorrow to carry you off to Abu Dabi — where hopefully you just might find your parcel!  After you’ve been on the phone for hours, you need a strong cup of coffee, a nice sticky bun and a long lie down. 

AI, BTW, is not even remotely helpful because it doesn’t have enough options — especially the one YOU want! Tragically we are all sunk, forevermore. At the same time is incredibly galling to see advertisements telling us how convenient their phone systems are. I do hope they find Alice in that Wonderland!

I think the Lord Jesus was incredibly wise to have entered this world at a time when life was so much simpler! After these phone call episodes we have found ourselves longing for a life without phones, and their accompanying annoying institutions. The government in Jesus’ day simply killed you if you bothered them. And if you were sick, then Jesus healed you – or you died!  A simple life is the thing, that’s what I say. 

So if you do get trapped on a phone going round and round for days, try singing your favourite Christian songs loudly so you don’t lose your cool.  NOTE OF WARNING — but not into the receiver because you are not allowed to be religious. You might also read the bible out loud – again — not into the phone!  Bye …📞

P 2500 Whatever occupies your thoughts will rule you.

/ DVH

“An elder, talking to a child, says, “I have two wolves fighting in my heart. One wolf is fearful, vengeful, envious, resentful and deceitful. The other wolf is compassionate, loving, generous, truthful and peaceful.” The child asks, “Which wolf will win the fight?” The elder responds, “The one I feed.”’ A Cherokee Indian proverb.

It’s kind of a no-brainer really, whatever we invest our time, money, and energy in, rules us. Oh, the futility of allowing ourselves to be pushed about by our anger or appetites. The worst thing ev-er is when someone you trust does something dumb … they are, after all, human beings (!)  … and so you feel betrayed. That’s when what happened starts rolling around in your mind – maybe it even stops you from sleeping. “How could they do such a thing? Didn’t they know that would hurt me? Maybe they even meant too …!!!???”

It seems that perhaps we are starting to build a case against someone else. Meanwhile satan stands at our elbow happily chucking those kind of thoughts, plus reminding us of other ones about that person – even the things we forgot …into our memory bank.. A-n-d, we are grumpy so we refuse to shut the gate to those thoughts because …we’re feeling sorry for ourselves. We’ve been deeply wounded and wronged. It isn’t a misinterpretation, an accident, or a whoopsie – someone actually wounded us. What are we going to do about it?

Unfortunately, then it becomes easy to start what I call – the opinion poll. The opinion poll is when we begin to tell others about what happened to us. We probably start that process out in kind of a sweet-ish, sad way, after all we don’t want others to think that we are bad people! But pretty soon, the sweetness goes out of the window and we are pulling the other person apart like they are a loaf of bread and we’re hungry. Now we really have a case against them because … OTHER PEOPLE AGREE WITH US that they treated us badly!  Maybe you get my drift – you’ve bin there and dun that yourself. No? Lucky you! For those of us who have acted that way … in these moments we are feeding the wrong wolf and doing that will devour US and gobble up our faith.

Here are some scriptures that have helped me escape from that sticky web.. “For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.” Matthew 7:2.“Create in me a clean heart, O Lord, and renew a right spirit within me.” Psalm 51:10. “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”Philippians 4:8. Right here we have the diagnosis and the cure.

Now is the time to give up rehearsing someone else’s sins and start looking for the good in what happened – before you go down the plug hole and lose several days, weeks, months …?years? … to something not worthy of even 10 seconds of your time. No, I am not nuts … at least I hope not! 😶 But the person who wounded us has exposed a chink in our spiritual, mental and physical armour. They found that chink for us. It was probably accidental, BUT, whatever … it is still useful! Some attitudes are sneaky, they stay hidden. It is absolutely brilliant when somebody else exposes those things for us, whether they found that attitude on purpose or not. It gives us a chance to see what is going on in our own hearts. 

At this point it is tempting to simply repent, and forgive the other person, as well as actively remembering not to ruminate over the incident. BUT! In my experience ignoring revelation about who we really are is dumb. We all have our weaknesses, and if we can stand back with the Holy Spirit (LOVE HIMSELF), by our side, and let Him show us if there was truth in what was said or done … we will gain something to be thankful for!  At the same time, we can ask the Lord to heal that actual wound He helped us uncover, so we can feed the ‘good wolf,’ some good food. Somewhere in the past, we probably believed a lie and we needed the Lord to expose that lie and … heal the wound. 

My point today is, whatever occupies your thoughts rules you. Hubby said that like this to me yesterday: ‘Let’s pretend someone hates the colour brown. They won’t wear it, can’t stand it, avoid it, and actively dislike others who like that colour… Those people do not realise that BROWN is now ruling their lives, it has become their god.’  I laughed heaps, and because it was such an accurate scenario I was inspired to pass it on. Yeah. Now there’s more food for thought! 👋🏻