King David’s song when he was forced to flee from Absalom, his own son: “Lord, I have so many enemies, so many who are against me. Listen to how they whisper their slander against me, saying: “Look! He’s hopeless! Even God can’t save him from this!” Pause in His Presence. But in the depths of my heart I truly know that You, Yahweh, have become my Shield; You take me and surround me with Yourself. Your glory covers me continually. You lift high my head. I have cried out to You, Yahweh, from Your holy presence You send me a Father’s help. Pause in His presence
So now I’ll lie down and sleep like a baby—then I’ll awake in safety, for You surround me with Your glory. Even though ten thousand dark powers prowl around me. I won’t be afraid. Rise up and help me, Yahweh! Come and save me, God! For You will slap them in the face, breaking the power of their words to harm me. FOR THE LORD ALONE IS MY SAVIOUR. What a feast of favour and bliss He gives His people! Pause in His presence.”
Some times the people we love dearly, the ones who are our family, can do the most damage. It doesn’t even have to be what they say – neglect and abandonment can devastate us. The first point I want to make today is that this kind of scenario is not a walk in the park. We can’t just click our heels and the bad bits will go away. These things severely test us and often challenge our belief systems.They test our resolve to follow Him no matter what happens.
Some things are a choice, but when it comes to family, those things are the places where we find we are most vulnerable. Family is about history. They knew you when. You knew them from birth…. That kind of history tears at our hearts like very little else, and betrayal from those who are meant to protect and care for us brings deep wounds. My advice is this; start this process with healing, not rebuking or blaming your self. Ask the Lord Himself to be your Father and help you with the places that are bleeding inside from all that betrayal you feel.
Don’t make excuses for them, and don’t make excuses for you either. It is what it is. David’s son was trying to kill him to take the throne. It wasn’t a whoopsie, or an error of judgment, it was a deliberate act of betrayal for Absalom’s gain. If you read the story, (2 Samuel 13-37 -15-12), Absalom went about whispering in other people’s ears, trying to turn the people’s loyalty away from David. That is not a mistake, it is deliberate SIN. In Absalom’s case it was jealousy and pride. He was beautiful and popular and he knew it and then pride took over.
Sometimes our family member/s are not simply making a mistake, they have joined their allegiances with destruction. They may call it correction, or caring for you, but because you are maintaining some degree of freedom or other they do not have, they will try to stop you anyway they can. Jesus Himself said this about families in Matthew 10:36 –“Don’t think I’ve come to make life cozy. I’ve come to cut—make a sharp knife-cut between son and father, daughter and mother, bride and mother-in-law—cut through these cozy domestic arrangements and free you for God. Well-meaning family members can be your worst enemies. If you prefer father or mother over Me, you don’t deserve Me. If you prefer son or daughter over Me, you don’t deserve Me.”
Look, if Jesus Himself talked about it, then difficulties like this aren’t totally unexpected. My only advice is grieve for your loss and ask the Lord to heal your heart with His Grace and Love, and then, immediately go on to choosing forgiveness. Some family members will turn around, and others will see your forgiving heart as something that can be used against you. Then you will need grace, grace and more grace. Don’t leave home without it, because Grace can do the impossible.
Don’t just content yourself with forgiving out of some kind of familial loyalty – ask and keep on asking for His Grace to truly forgive. INSIST. Meanwhile difficulties like this can take time to heal, so keep on believing God is helping you – and don’t quit. Take your focus off the family member/s that are persecuting you, and deliberately give those people as an act of your will, to Jesus. And then keep on doing that each time they come up in your mind – eventually Jesus in you will win.
At the same time it is good to go on into blessing these folks until you find you really mean it. It’s all a process and an extremely hard one at that. Your job is to watch over your heart and leave the work to the Holy Spirit. Let’s give thanks that we have a Parent Who never stops loving us, and He is totally devoted to the restoration of families. 👋🏻
