Spouse

P 2818 More Treasure … Part 2.

/ DVH

“Jesus answered him, “ ‘Love the Lord your God with every passion of your heart, with all the energy of your being, and with every thought that is within you.’ This is the great and supreme commandment. And the second is like it in importance: ‘You must love your friend in the same way you love yourself.’”Matthew 22:37-39 TPT.

Let’s put this verse in context. An expert in the law went to speak with Jesus. This man was a serious God-fearing sort of man – but his ultimate aim was to test the Lord’s right to claim who He said He was and do what He was doing. Chapter 23 of Matthew shows Jesus interacting with the religious leaders of the day. These men regarded themselves as the keepers of the true faith, so they stood against anything that appeared to be new. They took their faith very seriously.

We need to remember that Jewish people, even today, are living the way they do to please God and they’ve been living this way for centuries! I found that they have 613 commandments in their faith, and these precious people do their best to obey them … to the letter of the law. That’s devotion. I am not going to comment on what I think about the way they live, I simply want to point out that Jesus took all those commandments from that time, and summed them up in TWO.

It must be very clear to anyone reading this blog that I am not an expert in these matters, as a matter of fact I have no information about what laws were current in those days, I just simply want to say this – I guarantee you that what Christ said — covered them all!  Please do note, that the Lord said the second commandment He gave was like the first. This is my point today, He gave that second commandment weight and importance by what He said in that moment. 

I wanted to write about heavenly treasures today, because I think it is an error to push our families, or the even people around us to one side, and simply say: “I’m going after God first.” Paul himself said we’d be better off not married because marriage produces divided loyalties! When we go after God we may be doing our best to obey the first commandment, but if we are not careful we could be going after the letter of the law – but not what is at its heart. Using the bible to prove any point is like using God’s word as a sledgehammer. His Word is like pure clean water and soap – it is not an implement to bash people. Remember, at the heart of God’s law is always LOVE. And we have a great checklist in 1 Corinthians 13 – so we know what love looks like, and what the Lord Himself is looking for! 

I said all that to explain that we can’t use obeying God as an excuse to dodge our responsibilities. EG: If your kid has blood pouring out somewhere then that kid needs to be your priority. Nor can we gloss over our responsibilities as a spouse or a parent, by making prayer meetings, etc. more important than they are. We cannot let rules discount genuine human needs. And yes, that means we must ask the Holy Spirit to help us …all the time. Sometimes, we may even need to protect our spouse from themselves, because they may say, in a spirit of co-operation … even though they are ill: “I’m OK really – you go.” Think about this subject like this, who on earth can compete with this statement: ‘God told me.’ (??)

I like that word ‘neighbour’ better than ‘friend’ and in some versions it says ‘neighbour.” You can choose your friends, but you can get stuck with your neighbours. Obviously, one of those two things will test us more! And now might be a good time to remember that the word ‘love’ is a verb not a noun! Love looks like something. It looks like food to the hungry. Being included to the lonely. Comfort for the grieving. Undeserved kindness. Love doesn’t have to constantly look after itself because the Lord watches over those who live in Love.

Love also looks like a listening ear, and a big box of tissues to the heartbroken. We must learn to treat people as valuable, because no matter how broken they are – they are incredibly valuable to Him. We don’t get to choose who God will love and redeem … that’s His job! Jesus put a price on mankind that was extraordinary – we are worth His life! His choice increased every single human being’s value.

Faith is personal. That means somebody else can’t give it to you, all they can do is give you an opportunity to embrace it. Everybody around us, on the bus, in the shops, at the beach, at school, at work – every single person is a  treasure to God.  That’s why Jesus emphasised loving our neighbour like ourselves. And I think that’s why He told the story of the Good Samaritan … but that’s for another day. Bye. 👋


“If anyone says, “I love God,” and hates (works against) his [Christian] brother he is a liar; for the one who does not love his brother whom he has seen, cannot love God whom he has not seen.” 1 John 4:20.

P 2817 What are heavenly treasures?

/ DVH

““Don’t keep hoarding for yourselves earthly treasures that can be stolen by thieves. Material wealth eventually rusts, decays, and loses its value. Instead, stockpile heavenly treasures for yourselves that cannot be stolen and will never rust, decay, or lose their value. For your heart will always pursue what you esteem as your treasure.”Matthew 6:19-21.

In these verses, we have the answer to my title. Heavenly treasures are the things we pursue while we are here on earth. Some things we pursue could be money, success, fame, a new house, a car, a spouse, a family, a special holiday, going back to your home country etc. The way to figure out what that phrase means to you is to look at whatever occupies most of your thoughts, and time, plus whatever you are living and working for every day. Let’s remember that each one of us has a God-given purpose – a reason we are here.

We can be an active Christian and pursue all these good things, as well as the Lord. So let me be clear, things are not the problem – wanting them above everything else is. Our God is a jealous God. “For you shall worship no other god, for the Lord, whose name is Jealous, is a jealous God. “ Exodus 34:14. Our God wants to be first in our lives. 

Many people today in the work force do everything they can to be successful at what they do, and if they are Christian I am sure these people think they are working for Him. I am not talking about how much time you are at work either – my point today is whether work is a greater priority than anything else. Maybe your priority is money. You don’t feel “safe” unless you have a prescribed amount in the bank, or invested. What holds your heart’s attention? Is it someone who will love you, and help you reach your dreams? 

When I was younger, all I wanted was a family, so I worked toward that.  I met someone, we were married and I began to work hard to be successful, both as a spouse and a parent. I was the mother who mouli-babied all her baby’s solid food … BTW a mouli baby grinds all kinds of food down into a paste, it means the food is fresher. All three of our kids spoke early … because I started reading to 6 week old babies! They could all read and do simple sums long before they went to kindy. 

I was totally invested in making sure they had a good start in life. That’s where my effort went and that’s where my heart was. Anybody who has been a parent can tell you, that you can invest all you like in your kids but, in the end, they are individuals who decide their own destiny!  Meanwhile I thought I was investing in eternity, because my kids would hopefully outlive me, but I had not counted on the fact that eventually those kids would go their own way and have their own aims.

As part of my investment in their lives, I taught them everything I knew about Jesus from when they woke up until they went to sleep again. And two of them follow the Lord and one does not. I did not realise, at the time that my investment was in them, in their future, instead of His kingdom. They were my major priority – not the Lord. And yes, there is a difference!! I was living with a divided mind and I did not know it. I thought being a spouse, and a good parent, and looking after my kids meant I was following Jesus.

I was taught “whatever you do, do it with all your heart as though you were doing it for the Lord.”So I camped on that scripture and thought and hoped it would be enough for Him. I went to church Sunday by Sunday, taught Sunday school, cared for the poor whenever I could, etc. But I forgot the most important thing: “You are not your own, you have been bought with a price … paid for with a Preciousness…” I Corinthians 6:19-20. His kingdom must always come first and we need to remember that God is more invested in our children than we are. Meanwhile, of course being an active parent counts … He’s an active parent!

At the same time I selectively read my bible accenting the verses that supported my POV, instead of looking prayerfully and carefully into His word of truth, looking for places to renew/change the way I was thinking.  In my mind and heart, I hoped God was pleased with me, because I was doing everything for His sake. I considered the blessings that came my way as a kind of ‘payment’ for all my efforts. Yeah, I can see the error OK? Old age has done me a heap of good, butthe overriding factor in all this was that the Lord never ever gave up on me! Praise Him!

He has taught me that when you seek His kingdom first, all these other things get added unto you. I knew that verse, but I did not know its meaning until I started switching my focus from what was in front of me, toward knowing Him above all else. As I have learnt to live this way, with my heart pointed toward Him, and Him alone – my whole focus for living has shifted. I was not just born here to be someone’s mother, or someone’s wife, or a functioning member of my congregation – first of all I am here to know Him, to give Him the first fruits of my time and affection. 

Other things slot in behind that – THE LORD IS OUR HEAVENLY TREASURE – everything else is wood, hay and stubble.. “unless the Lord builds the house … we are labouring in vain …” May God bless us all as we run after Him. 🏃‍♂️‍➡️ Bye.

P 2631 Beware of roadblocks.

/ DVH

There is a possibility in our lives that we can have hidden, (even from ourselves), agendas – things that will inadvertently get in the way of true growth. Sometimes we can get caught up in our minds or emotions with ideas, people or things that we fiercely defend, but we are totally unaware that is what we are doing. Over a longer period of time, we can also learn to carefully avoid some situations because we are subconsciously aware that we don’t cope with them. Likewise, we can steer away from, or even get angry about, some things, purely because there is concealed pain behind them.

Ask yourself this question – apart from Jesus Himself – Who is THE most important person in your life – is there anyone or anything that you strongly feel that you cannot live without? Maybe a person who you value so much, that even the smallest thought of loss can send you into fear or anxiety? If you are a parent, maybe it’s a child …whether it is an adult child or not …  or perhaps a spouse;  or a close friend. Even the thought of any loss connected with these things can send you into an overwhelming downward spiral. If even the very thought of letting go of something or someone sends us into a panic – that is a clear indication something has grabbed hold of us!

You know, the thing we are most afraid of, can sometimes be the greatest spiritual strength in our lives, when we overcome that fear with His help. Always remembering that His help leads us TO DO SOMETHING. Perhaps there is a job we don’t want to lose, or we’ve fixated on finding somewhere safe to live – but this thing, whatever it is, influences every other decision we make. And it may not even consciously register in our minds. In this scenario that person or thing, no matter how normal or insignificant they seem to be, can become a roadblock to spiritual growth. 

When things get tough, and hardship strikes — this predisposition to protect ourselves and hide from suffering, will get in the way of any of the Holy Spirit’s solutions. Simply put, we won’t ask Him to help us with someone or something we don’t want to lose … just in case He takes that thing or person away! Plus we can easily go on from there to make decisions based on fear and pain instead of what the Lord wants. 

It is incredibly easy to think we know what is best for us – but that decision can be formed within the framework of hidden fear NOT FAITH. The assumption that our feelings, or even familiar thought patterns are a good guide, is a lie! The Word of God is our primary, solitary guide. I have seen godly parents put up with abuse, because they feel they cannot live without their fully grown child and the sneaky wrong spirit in that adult child ends up ruling the roost.

Or maybe the parent is afraid of what will become of their progeny and sadly, co-dependency has taken hold. We can sometimes desperately pray and hope: “that Jesus won’t mind, because He understands I can’t help it, I need it to be like this.” Read the gospels … the Lord told one man to leave his recently deceased father behind!

I have also seen sweet Godly Christians hurt others because they refuse to let go of something that should have been left behind them years ago. That has been caused by fear which has been carried forward from childhood pain. It can colour our adult thinking. The thing to do in such situations is to get to the root of the tree by asking WHY?

Why do I feel so strongly that I cannot let go of my child, or spouse etc. and give them to Jesus unreservedly, without any agenda in my heart? What pattern of ungodly thinking is preventing my growth? What fear is ruling my life? How did it start, and what am I still doing now, today, to keep that fear alive? We need to prayerfully identify and deal with these issues under the Holy Spirit’s wisdom and guidance.

Our God is not mean. He is a loving caring Father, who is deeply involved, and intimately engaged in our everyday lives. BTW, this issue is not about disobedience, it is a deep lack of trust. We are not trusting the Lord to take care of those things that are extremely important to us. Sadly we could even be letting fear rule. But our precious loving Father knows us, and He knows the way we need to go to get through things like this. We must follow Him, step by step into relinquishment. It is not good to hold on to other people so tightly that you lose your own God-given freedom!

Matthew 16:19:“I will give you the keys of the kingdom of heaven; whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven.” The Lord Jesus Christ gave His power to the disciples when they were too dumb to know what they were given. That’s how generous to mankind He has been! We can personally prevent any change in difficult situations or even dangerous ones by misusing the power we already have — instead of yielding people or material things to Him and progressively learning to live a life of faith. We need to let go of those things that weigh us down. At the same time by holding on too tightly to someone/something else we have the power to prevent growth and change in that other person or situation.

It is part of our job description to voluntarily choose to live this new life Jesus died to give us, embracing the power to overcome, instead of hiding away from it because it might pinch something from us! Plus always watching and aware of any roadblocks or ‘keep-out signs’ we have inadvertently put up or embraced… because we know those things will steal His new life away from us. Bye. 👋

P 2546 We will sometimes suffer wrong.

/ DVH

I Samuel 24:1-12 “After Saul returned … …set out to look for David and his men near the Crags of the Wild Goats.He came to the sheep pens along the way; a cave was there, and Saul went in to relieve himself. David and his men were far back in the cave. The men said, “This is the day the Lord spoke of when He said to you, ‘I will give your enemy into your hands for you to deal with as you wish.’” Then David crept up unnoticed and cut off a corner of Saul’s robe. Afterward, David was conscience-stricken for having cut off a corner of his robe. He said to his men, “The Lord forbid that I should do such a thing to my master, the Lord’s anointed, or lay my hand on him; for he is the anointed of the Lord.” With these words David sharply rebuked his men and did not allow them to attack Saul. And Saul left the cave and went his way.

Then David went out of the cave and called out to Saul, “My lord the king!” When Saul looked behind him, David bowed down and prostrated himself with his face to the ground. He said to Saul, “Why do you listen when men say, ‘David is bent on harming you’? This day you have seen with your own eyes how the Lord delivered you into my hands in the cave. Some urged me to kill you, but I spared you; I said, ‘I will not lay my hand on my lord, because he is the Lord’s anointed.’ See, my father, look at this piece of your robe in my hand! I cut off the corner of your robe but did not kill you. See that there is nothing in my hand to indicate that I am guilty of wrongdoing or rebellion. I have not wronged you, but you are hunting me down to take my life.  May the Lord judge between you and me. And may the Lord avenge the wrongs you have done to me, but my hand will not touch you.”

Every time I read this scripture I am extremely impressed by David’s integrity. He had totally committed himself to living His life Almighty God’s way. But at the same time, King Saul was constantly attempting to kill him. Saul was the legitimate king, appointed by God, but he was threatened by David and he had been chasing this young man here there and everywhere for years. Jealousy and spite drove that older man along. But David’s conscience was so soft before God, it smacked him upside-of-his-head when he cut off a piece of Saul’s robe.

We may not like it but submission is in the book. We are not submitted to God if we are not prepared to submit to the person who is the leader. In our homes, at our office, in the government or our churches. Just because it is not cultural to submit, that does not make it wrong. Submission is not meant to be fashionable, fun or enjoyable! It’s hard work and sometimes even dangerous – as David found out! Particularly if you happen to disagree with the person you are submitted to or they have a bone to pick with you! 

However, real submission is a tool to facilitate transformation in us, not make us comfortable. After all the Lord Jesus was utterly submitted to His Heavenly Father, but He also submitted to all the religious leaders of the day. The King of all glory was standing right in front of these experts, and they didn’t know Who He was! But Jesus chose to submit to them, anyway. God’s way is not always about us enjoying the process, it is about obedience. ‘Rebellion is as witchcraft in the eyes of the Lord.’ 1 Samuel 15:23.

David understood this truth and he respected God’s order. He understood the Lord lifts up one, and pulls down another. So David left Saul to God, so the Lord could deal with him … for twenty-five years. Did you get that? Twenty five YEARS!  This young man had been anointed by Samuel and he knew he was to be the next king, yet he let the Lord God build His own house. He did not try to wrestle the kingdom from Saul. Instead he lived honourably, and learnt from God how to respect His enemy. And at the same time he honoured God by his diligent obedience.

You know in my denomination, sometimes there are things that happen that I don’t understand. People move around between churches like ice cubes in a water pitcher. These people are often here one week, and gone the next. It seems to be that they think the preacher is not spiritual enough, or they don’t like what he says, or he doesn’t come to visit them, or they already know all that stuff they want something different. Why this world doesn’t already know all there is to know about the Lord Jesus because of these gifted people, who apparently know everything there is to know … escapes me! 🙄

Human beings disagree, mainly because we prefer to hold onto our own rights. But it is not a matter of compatibility. It is a matter of learning how to love those who cruelly use us. Meanwhile, some days, nobody can annoy us better than a spouse! LOVE CONQUERS ALL … not war of the words! None of us are nice – that’s a rumour started by people who want their own way. Without the Holy Spirit in charge, we can all be mean. Look at Adam and Eve. God came to be with them in their garden every evening and yet they still disobeyed … then they blamed each other. Before we make important decisions we should try looking in the mirror, strangely enough, the person at fault is often in the mirror!

King David knew all about facing his weaknesses, and through God’s processes he was transformed by them – but he  still suffered. Suffering wrong is one of the greatest keys in our spiritual keyring. It hurts like mad, but carries with it the incredible honour of sharing in the fellowship of Christ’s suffering. 👋

P 2357 Love is about choices – not feelings.

/ DVH

Hubby and I just celebrated our 36th wedding anniversary a couple of months back. I still think he is the nicest and best man I ever met. But SOME DAYS … that’s a choice not a feeling!  And I’m pretty sure he shares that sentiment with me. 😂 Not as often, of course – ‘cos I’m MUCH nicer than he is! Okay. That’s a joke. Haha!!

What I mean is this – some days we have to choose to love each other, because we don’t always understand the other person’s POV. I so-o don’t man-speak and he has no clue how to speak female, so we collide. Because we are both quite passionate people, there are times we collide loudly. No fun is had either side in that collision. People make times like that about individual issues – points of differences – you won’t get anywhere that way, trust me. The real ‘issue’ that needs to matter in those moments IS THIS: who is gunna repent and ask for forgiveness first? Sigh. It is usually him not me – he’s way better at saying ‘sorry’ than I am. It’s mega-annoying. 😡

I said all that to say this:  just because we disagree and feel horribly abused, misunderstood, and uncomfortable – that does not mean we quit the marriage or give up on the relationship. It simply means we have temporarily lost our common ground – and one, or both of us, has dug their heels in and refused to compromise or even listen to the other one. My particular fault in these matters is that I always have a point, plus I absolutely loathe not being listened to! 

People often say sagely: “Marriage is about compromise.” Phooey!! Marriage is about CHOICES. I choose to forgive because it’s in the bible! That’s true wisdom. At that moment when I am no longer feeling like my precious hubby is the nicest man in the world – I still have a life-mandate to fulfil. I promised to follow Jesus and He is offering me a new opportunity to choose to follow Him and die to self. These moments are the little foxes that spoil the vineyards of a husband and wife’s love for each other – we need to seize those moments for the Lord’s sake. The power of agreement opens doors that will not open any other way – we need to cherish and protect it.

If I choose to stop fighting the current issue and instead ask the Holy Spirit to help me keep my mouth shut, I will accomplish two things. The first is establishing His Lordship and the second is an opportunity for the Lord’s wisdom to prevail instead of chaos. I may have to insist about these two choices … and, to be fair, I quite often fall into the trap of seeking to be understood – instead of working to see the other person’s POV. However, even if what is happening makes no sense to me – it makes sense to the Lord – I know He can guide me through it.

It is extremely difficult, but not impossible, to lay aside your claim to be right – when you do it for the Lord, and not just for the other person. When you lay down your arms for His sake, whether you are right and they are wrong, THAT IS WHEN JESUS’ LORDSHIP PREVAILS! In that moment I have yielded my control back to Jesus and the Holy Spirit because I love Them more than winning or being right. Meanwhile, do not be fooled – those moments are hard. The other person may not have the same view of Lordship you have.

Here’s what I have observed – it only takes one person to turn things around … but that Person needs to be Him! Get a load of this scripture: “If anyone says, “I love God,” and hates (works against) his [Christian] brother he is a liar; for the one who does not love his brother whom he has seen, cannot love God whom he has not seen.” (1 John 4:20) At this point you could be thinking that you don’t ‘hate’ your spouse – yeah! But at this moment you are not in the middle of some dumb argument that you both feel it is imperative to win!! You can hate anyone given enough provocation trust me. Plus spouses often know each other so well they can lean all over each other’s buttons. In the middle of an argument neither of you are working together!

One of our biggest faults as Christians is that we try to wiggle around what He said in the book so we come up with a hundred reasons about why this particular verse does not apply to me. We all hate to be wrong and in those moments we forget about the One Who hung on that tree for our sake, so we would have the power to resist temptation. Please remember this line: It is not about winning a point or an argument, it is about losing the Holy Spirit’s Presence and YOUR PEACE. We have a choice. Selah. 😶 👋🏻

P 2170 Don’t restrict yourself…or your prayers.

/ DVH

The word the bible uses for restricting yourself is “hinder.” It means: ‘to make it difficult for (someone) to do something or for something to happen.’ Let’s start this blog by talking about close relationships: like your spouse, or your kids, or immediate family.  Personally I do my best, with His help, to make sure all my close relationships with my family are working. Because, I want to pray and not shoot myself in the foot by being habitually grumpy at someone else. It is important to me to be able to hear what He wants, and pray the way He wants me to. Unfortunately sometimes my tolerance of sin makes me DEAF. Here’s some stuff to think on:

1 Peter 3:5-7 “… and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.” ← Did you get that? Did you know that you and/or your spouse can make it difficult for your prayers together or apart, to be heard? Just saying “Amen” together, isn’t all there is!  You can trip each other up with unredeemed animosity, fear, and lack of loving consideration between you both. In other words you can shoot your prayers in the foot if you do not place a priority on living a life of love. 

Our better halves can test that kind of lifestyle to its limit! Now, before we all grab our phones or laptops and stick it under our spouse’s nose and say “read this blog – you need to know this!” Remember, if we end up aggressively accentuating our point to others, even that response should be enough for us to hit our knees and ask the Lord: “What’s wrong with ME?” I am not here today to rabbit on about spousal submission, which BTW, needs to be mutual.

Instead, I merely want to point out that in order for our prayers to be heard and answered, you and I are going to need to learn how to live in harmony with each other.  And that doesn’t mean keeping the people around us at arm’s length! We can all look fabulous and sweet when we are not close enough to annoy the living daylights out of each other! Distancing ourselves from each other is not the answer. Animosity towards someone else will colour the way I pray.  Now, I am not looking for good anymore – I have an agenda.

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Harmony starts with the issue of Who is the Lord of your life?! Agree on that. Human beings often disagree about the minutiae of this life, whilst allowing differences the size of a Greyhound bus to remain! But the real point is – Who is your Lord? If your spouse does not agree with you on this point, then pray and fast for them, about… that! People do not change for our convenience, they are changed for His purposes. We must stop straining out gnats and letting camels through our filters! And BTW, Lordship is not lip-service, it’s a way of life. 

Here are some other verses on the subject of hindering yourself that also apply – Romans 14:13 “Therefore let us not judge one another anymore, but rather determine this—not to put an obstacle or a stumbling block in a brother’s way.” Isaiah 57:14: “And it will be said,“Build up, build up, prepare the way, Remove every obstacle out of the way of My people.” My big mouth should not cause you or anyone else to stumble. And if it has in the past then please, sincerely, forgive me.🙏  My priority is to build you up not tear you down. 

We need to decide that the only absolute premise worth having in our lives, is the premise that ‘Jesus is Lord.’ And everything else is negotiable. Jesus is Lord is the only sure foundation. We dare not apply our own nitty gritty self-made rules to each other … they waste our time. Plus our enemies are laughing at us because we are hindering our own prayers! “… why not suffer wrong?” 1 Corinthians 6:7. I am not suggesting that letting your spouse beat you up is OK, but we can all easily end up majoring on minor things.

We are not alive on earth for our agendas anymore – we are here to live for Him! His agenda is my agenda. And I will always need SomeOne Else watching my back. Thank you Holy Spirit. Remember, humility helps!  I’m not trusting in other people, I am trusting in GOD in my life. And if I can’t see God in them then I am not looking through His Eyes of love. Always remember, we have the power to speak His life into others – then we will stop hindering our own prayers.  Bye. 👋🏻