Spoil

P 2391 Peace thieves.

/ DVH

It’s the little foxes that spoil the vines. (S of Songs 2:16.) And it is the little things that niggle and nag at us, that steal our peace. Today I want to talk about somethings I’ve noticed that steals MY peace. I hope this helps you as well. 

Unforgiveness is a thief – it steals peace, and it is destructive to relationships. It colours the way we see things – it maximises bad things and makes good things totally disappear. It is very easy for our faith in mankind to be battered, but in my observation that happens because I have let my focus on the Lord fade, and now all I can see is the mess in front of me. That blocks my view of other things … especially good things! And when somebody else is involved it becomes wa-ay too easy to dump the blame on them.

It is amazing how quickly I can forget my own missteps, and excuse them as whoopsies, whereas if someone else does something dumb toward me, I immediately suspect a dire plot to overthrow my spiritual life and ruin my day. And guess what? I am right!! There is a plot … but I am mis-identifying the source. It isn’t you! It’s the other guy. Nobody can make anybody else be snarky, that’s a choice – but the enemy of our souls is a master of setting all of us up for a fall. As well as pointing out other people’s failures and stupidity.

Then we start to think of the other person as our enemy and begin collating evidence to prove this is so – so that we can stay where we are and remain unchanged. IF WE ARE NOT CHANGING WE ARE NOT LIVING A SPIRITUALLY CHALLENGING LIFE. Here’s a red hot tip – people hate to change! Which is kind of sad because transformation involves change.

First things first, chuck out any evidence-against-others-files that you might holding onto! That stuff will shoot anyone in the foot faster than Wild Bill Hickok can draw his rifle. It is one of satan’s ploys … and it can only be defeated by reminding ourselves the temptation to SIN IS COMMON TO MAN. (1 Corinthians 10:13) I am a part of mankind so that remark applies to me as well as you. 

At times like this it is way too easy to think …‘That’s because they are not in tune with the Lord like I am … they have a wrong attitude.’ 😱 Hello pride – time for you to leave now! When I start to hear myself think like that …that’s when I realise I am circling the drain. My focus has come off the Lord and onto me and my feelings and whatever dumb thing you did accidentally, or even on purpose. I need to throw my car into reverse …pronto. I find humbling myself does that pretty quickly.

Now I have to start praying right away, instead of checking out my hurt feelings, and then I remind myself that I don’t forgive others because they deserve it, I forgive them because He forgave me first and I definitely don’t deserve that. I need to remember that this life is not perfect – instead it is about perfecting me … and to tell the truth … some days I just plain don’t like that idea!  So some things ARE my fault, not yours.

Here’s another little fox under the X-ray! What comes out of my mouth. Look, I know people have gone on and on about that, and to be perfectly honest with you I hated what they said because I am an external processor. I don’t often know what I think until it comes out of my mouth. It took me 50 years to pay attention, but I nowadays I agree that what comes out of our mouths does matter. To start with we can easily end up agreeing with those destructive thoughts about someone else’s behaviour. 

…That’s like getting ready to pour concrete. First you dig a hole, then you put in formwork, then you pour in the concrete and wait for it to set. Concrete is a permanent thing. I want to suggest that we don’t need to permanently think badly about other people. It makes it too hard to change your mind. Suddenly the other person has to prove themselves to us, to get back our good opinion of them.  In my observation, satan is delighted to get all of us saying the dumbest stuff to each other and about each other – he hates harmony. Let’s not help him!

Here’s what I have learnt … if I speak kindly and thoughtfully about someone else it encourages the Holy Spirit to hang around with me because He likes it. That’s a HUGE plus. The Holy Spirit knows good stuff about that other person that I haven’t even noticed and He’s really happy to share. I don’t have to make things up, with His help, I will get new eyes. I have personally proven in my life – this can be a learned skill.

We need to identify and deal with the peace thieves that invade our lives and our homes …a good place to start is to blame the enemy, not the person, and deal with satan, first. 👋🏻

P 2357 Love is about choices – not feelings.

/ DVH

Hubby and I just celebrated our 36th wedding anniversary a couple of months back. I still think he is the nicest and best man I ever met. But SOME DAYS … that’s a choice not a feeling!  And I’m pretty sure he shares that sentiment with me. 😂 Not as often, of course – ‘cos I’m MUCH nicer than he is! Okay. That’s a joke. Haha!!

What I mean is this – some days we have to choose to love each other, because we don’t always understand the other person’s POV. I so-o don’t man-speak and he has no clue how to speak female, so we collide. Because we are both quite passionate people, there are times we collide loudly. No fun is had either side in that collision. People make times like that about individual issues – points of differences – you won’t get anywhere that way, trust me. The real ‘issue’ that needs to matter in those moments IS THIS: who is gunna repent and ask for forgiveness first? Sigh. It is usually him not me – he’s way better at saying ‘sorry’ than I am. It’s mega-annoying. 😡

I said all that to say this:  just because we disagree and feel horribly abused, misunderstood, and uncomfortable – that does not mean we quit the marriage or give up on the relationship. It simply means we have temporarily lost our common ground – and one, or both of us, has dug their heels in and refused to compromise or even listen to the other one. My particular fault in these matters is that I always have a point, plus I absolutely loathe not being listened to! 

People often say sagely: “Marriage is about compromise.” Phooey!! Marriage is about CHOICES. I choose to forgive because it’s in the bible! That’s true wisdom. At that moment when I am no longer feeling like my precious hubby is the nicest man in the world – I still have a life-mandate to fulfil. I promised to follow Jesus and He is offering me a new opportunity to choose to follow Him and die to self. These moments are the little foxes that spoil the vineyards of a husband and wife’s love for each other – we need to seize those moments for the Lord’s sake. The power of agreement opens doors that will not open any other way – we need to cherish and protect it.

If I choose to stop fighting the current issue and instead ask the Holy Spirit to help me keep my mouth shut, I will accomplish two things. The first is establishing His Lordship and the second is an opportunity for the Lord’s wisdom to prevail instead of chaos. I may have to insist about these two choices … and, to be fair, I quite often fall into the trap of seeking to be understood – instead of working to see the other person’s POV. However, even if what is happening makes no sense to me – it makes sense to the Lord – I know He can guide me through it.

It is extremely difficult, but not impossible, to lay aside your claim to be right – when you do it for the Lord, and not just for the other person. When you lay down your arms for His sake, whether you are right and they are wrong, THAT IS WHEN JESUS’ LORDSHIP PREVAILS! In that moment I have yielded my control back to Jesus and the Holy Spirit because I love Them more than winning or being right. Meanwhile, do not be fooled – those moments are hard. The other person may not have the same view of Lordship you have.

Here’s what I have observed – it only takes one person to turn things around … but that Person needs to be Him! Get a load of this scripture: “If anyone says, “I love God,” and hates (works against) his [Christian] brother he is a liar; for the one who does not love his brother whom he has seen, cannot love God whom he has not seen.” (1 John 4:20) At this point you could be thinking that you don’t ‘hate’ your spouse – yeah! But at this moment you are not in the middle of some dumb argument that you both feel it is imperative to win!! You can hate anyone given enough provocation trust me. Plus spouses often know each other so well they can lean all over each other’s buttons. In the middle of an argument neither of you are working together!

One of our biggest faults as Christians is that we try to wiggle around what He said in the book so we come up with a hundred reasons about why this particular verse does not apply to me. We all hate to be wrong and in those moments we forget about the One Who hung on that tree for our sake, so we would have the power to resist temptation. Please remember this line: It is not about winning a point or an argument, it is about losing the Holy Spirit’s Presence and YOUR PEACE. We have a choice. Selah. 😶 👋🏻