Soft answer

P 2995 Controlling our mouths …

/ DVH

…is actually the biggest part of our daily battle … because speaking well of people is essential for our new language of love, so we all need to learn it. After all, the spirit of self-control needs to set its fruit somewhere … why not our tongues?

“Do not LET any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” Ephesians 4:29. Here’s something I’ve learnt about myself that may benefit someone else. Sometimes the best response to something negative someone else says to you, is to smile — remember to include your eyes —and say nothing. Listening is a fantastic skill. Humility listens. Most angry people will de-escalate if we are prepared to give them a hearing. While I am listening, or trying to, I am inwardly praying: “Please help ME Holy Spirit, my feelings are out of control.”  

As we seek to truly love one another, reconciliation must never be far away from our minds. We cannot afford to make any argument a competition about who wins and who loses. If we start keeping score it adds to the anger. One of the participants in the problem is going to have to put their grievance – their sword– down. The best way to do that, is to start with an apology.

“A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Proverbs 15:1. So it is good to say neutral things like: “I’m sorry you feel like that, and I have obviously hurt your feelings. I apologise.Please forgive me.” And then continue to say nothing. While we are busy defending ourselves, we aren’t loving that other person – we are empowering our flesh.

Loving each other is the secret ingredient to watching whatever we say. People who fall in love with someone else, watch their speech. The thing is, it is not good for our personal spiritual well-being to be a hypocrite, and love some people and not others simply because: “Love covers a multitude of sins …” It covered OURS!

Please understand that when we act in faith, with a spirit of reconciliation, we are not necessarily validating what the other person is saying – we are simply choosing to obey scripture: “First take the LOG out of your own eye, and then you will be able to see the splinter.” Matthew 7:3-5. None of us are blameless. What does it matter if we are falsely accused? What does it matter if we lose an argument? We might win the war by appearing to lose. The walls of Jericho came down because of a long silence, and one well-placed shout of victory!

Very few people walk up to someone else and punch them in the face FIRST! Arguments usually start with words, and then things grow exponentially as we use more and more words, and move on into hurling spiteful responses at each other and bringing up the other person’s past misdeeds. That’s the time we need to remember that we cannot control another person’s actions or reactions, we have to start with ourselves first. Maybe His Grace in our lives – which we get from spending time with Jesus in the secret place – has been diminished by the troubles and cares of this life.

“LET your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.” Colossians 4:6. One of my favourite preachers from the Brownsville Revival used to say – “this thing right here … (and he would point to his tongue) – that’s the thing we all need to be aware of.” “With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be so.” James 3:10. But it obviously IS so, because God Himself tells us through James …that it should not be so! This is where our personal test of obedience kicks in.

The next verse is the secret to overcoming all that. We cannot afford to live this life forgetting, for even a second, WHO we belong to now. “Little children, you can be certain that you belong to God and have conquered them, for the One who is living in you is far greater than the one who is in the world.”1 John 4:4 TPT. You see our confidence is not in our ability to conform, or even perform – our confidence is in Him. It is not in me or you … it’s IN HIMI We believe and have faith in His ability to conquer whatever situation we find ourselves in — after all He conquered DEATH! Therefore my big mouth is not a problem to Him. 

All this is possible because we belong to Him and He lives in us. We have a God Who saves us, and Who lives in us! He has already saved us from the sin we will perpetrate against someone else by what we’ve said. Because of the Lord Jesus we have the deposit of self-control within us, by His Grace. All we need to do is to release it, using our faith. Controlling our mouths is the biggest part of our daily battle. Bye 👋.

P 2558 “You’re the goodness in my life.”

/ DVH

So click on the arrow and enjoy!! Those of you who are Toby Mac fans will recognise my title immediately. This a great track he made with Blessing Offor. ps If you have not met TobyMac, I highly recommend his music. This man is not singing lyrics that are theoretical, rather his music is drawn from his own personal walk with God – he has had his tough times like all of us. Blessing himself is well-named!

It’s Christian hip hop BTW. I’ve been introduced to the joy of hip hop by my three darling granddaughters – I love it! Well, the good stuff – there are icky ones and I give them a swerve. I think that music that is written from real life – using real words – is a big plus. In my head those rhythms and words kind of bop away in the background of my thoughts. Music is a great tool to help us pull focus as well as comfort us when we are struggling. And I love the cheery, chatty aspect of hip-hop. 

On to today’s blog … the other day hubby and I were chatting away and he made a comment that got stuck in my head and eventually my heart. He said: “Why is it that the church focusses so hard on what we shouldn’t say instead of focussing on and teaching us about how we should talk to other people?”  My answer is the same as usual … I always stick with my trusty “I dunno!” That phrase is very helpful, it takes all the pressure off me having to be brilliant instantly, and answer knotty questions. Particularly the ones that I have no clue about. But I thought about what he said quite a lot, afterward.

In the dim dark ages when I was a child, there was a professor on TV who talked about science. His manner and natural curiosity created a fascination with that subject that still continues in my life today. His catch cry was “why is it so?” — that got so stuck in my psyche somewhere and now I ask myself that question a lot. It seems to me that it is far more important to teach people how to SPEAK LIFE to each other, than it is to teach them not to be rude, gossip or swear. Abstinence creates a vacuum and things can fall into it!

In my experience, speaking life to others can actually become a way to relate to others – kind of a way of life – a good habit. I’ve watched hubby do it over and over again when we go on the road and he is talking to people-who-don’t-know-Jesus-yet. I’m not talking about flattery, or what my dear mum would call ‘palaver,” which is hollow and sounds wrong even when it comes out of your mouth. 

I’m talking about noticing a positive quality in another person and lovingly appreciating it, out loud. You operate with the purpose of building others up. It really doesn’t take that much more effort to find something good about someone else. Sadly, the bad things usually slap you right in the face, and you are left scrambling to escape. But if you can find a good thing to say to someone who clearly got out of the wrong side of the bed, sometimes that soft answer will totally turn away wrath.

Meanwhile the great point about speaking life, is this —when it is properly executed, it opens spiritual doors – and then you can shove love through the crack!!  It is all about paying attention to the person in front of you and noticing them enough to say something truthful that will build them up. When I am stuck I ask the Lord to show me what He sees.That’s a brilliant method BTW. The Holy Spirit is always so switched on to everyone’s hearts. I once asked the Lord what was wrong with a woman working at the check-out in a chain store, because if she was happy her face didn’t know about it! 

He said: “Her feet hurt.” So we did the usual, how-are-you-today-I’m-fine-how-are-you? And then I said: “This job must be so hard on your feet!” She looked at me with relief and she said: “They really are so sore today.” Like Aladdin said in his movie – it opened up “a whole new world” and we were able to pray for her sore feet! The conversation was over in minutes and she was smiling when we left.

The whole thing was a win-win situation, because I got to exercise my faith, take a risk and open my mouth. At the same time she felt seen, cared for, and momentarily understood! I mean nobody much sees the check-out person in a store, right? We can all just do the obligatory ‘how-are-you-today’ without even looking at them …but people don’t usually want an answer! My dear hubby always leaves people with a smile from ear to ear. Living like this changes the colour of everyone’s day. It’s great to speak life to everyone you meet. Bless you! 😇

“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” Ephesians 4:29.