
I was in and out of tech land for the whole day yesterday, and I rapidly came to the conclusion that what was happening inside me, was even more important as anything else going on around me. I was not a happy camper! I can see the irony in the fact that the last picture I struggled so hard to post said:… ‘Sorry!’ … 🤣
My take-away-lesson from the Lord was, no matter how much control we think we have, the reality is, we have none … “unless the Lord builds the house, we labour in vain.” Psalm 127:1. My technical problems yesterday showed me that I must learn to let things go. Now there is something I’ve written about here for a long time now! But it was extremely difficult to do. You have my sincere apology for oversimplifying stuff that is hard. Please forgive me.
Meanwhile, I learnt that PRIDE can hide itself in the sneakiest places! I just found some … I found it in the last place I thought it would be – writing this blog! Because I haven’t missed a day in over 8 years and I didn’t want to break my own record, I had built some sort of significance for myself through doing it. So I had a melt-down. The tech guys were doing their best to fix the problem, and at the same time, I also had to interact with AI. I have to say, I don’t like AI very much! It can’t be reasoned with, my brain and its logic don’t mind-meld! What a frustrating thing that was!
The realisation finally dawned on me that the Lord needs to be my only significance – not what I do, or don’t accomplish in a day. I have found He is always so kind and patient with me, He waited for me to wake up to myself and repent, and it took a while too! You know, many daily things can be taken for granted and when they misfire, it seems like you were standing on something that looked secure – and then suddenly it slides out from under you – because you aren’t standing on the Lord’s Grace anymore!
With that in mind, I figured pride and learning curves are good things to talk about today. When stuff becomes clear, and you realise that you have fallen into pride, it is far too easy to try to drag yourself back up again … without learning anything. I think we can do that on the premise that everything worked OK before the drama, so why not now? But that thought means we will miss out on what the Lord wants to reveal to us and teach us, and I personally don’t recommend it!
That’s when I finally realised that I need to stay more open to change. Often the Lord has to literally peel back layer after layer that we have cleverly wrapped around our hearts to feel safe, wanted, stable and useful. BUT …“GOD (Himself) is my refuge and my strength, my ever present help in times of need.” Psalm 46:1. The reality is I will always need His help! My self-effort, no matter how good the cause seems to be, doesn’t cut it. The Lord has always helped me write this blog, so I need to trust Him to look after it … whether I can post it or not! Meanwhile, I don’t want to miss the lesson of yielding to the circumstances, and putting Him in charge.
In my recently revised opinion… like yesterday… how’s that for current? Ev-er-y-th-ing is an opportunity for growth. And if it is frustrating, then it is going to end up being a really great opportunity to see what’s actually going on inside. Because of my own situation, suddenly I could see how easily someone can get caught up in book sales, favourable opinions and conferences, as well as numbers. That stuff is a lot more easy to buy into when you have invested your heart and your time. The point is not – are we being successful? It’s actually – are we pleasing Him? And that is not always the same thing!! “So whether we are at home or away, we make it our aim to please Him.” 2 Corinthians 5:9.(Hebrews 11:6)
At the same time, I had stopped using my faith, and instead I was doing it so I wouldn’t let other people down. And I took up the heavy burden to make the blog work. Plus it had become so important for me to keep building the numbers than I ever realised. The reality is, I am not solely responsible for the outcome – a tech team in Denmark is also silently contributing by keeping the site running smoothly. When that didn’t happen the way I thought it should, I got so angry and what came out was: ‘I will lose my readers.’ Not my finest moment. Sigh.
I have now come to the decision that we can hide ourselves from ourselves in order to make us feel better about ourselves. And yes, I know I have overused the word ourselves! Teehee. I also know that one of the things that has stabbed Christians in the foot in the past, is that many people with influence aren’t always honest. And after a while, the normal pile of junk that leaders feel they must maintain, piles up to the roof and it becomes insurmountable …no wonder so many leaders in the body of Christ do dumb things! When we begin to evaluate what the Lord is doing through us — we’ve missed the entire point!
Nobody means to be dishonest, because we all love Jesus. However, we can get caught up trying to protect our reputation under the guise of protecting His reputation … like He needs our help! I learnt a lot yesterday! Please pray for me that I can successfully avoid pride and stop fussing over numbers! Bye. 👋










