… the destructive twins. Those thieves take our peace and joy away and leave us with angst and worry. They make poor governors of our behaviour. They can be aimed at ourselves, as well as others. When we are caught up in this way of thinking, we move right out of operating in Grace, because blame and shame thrive on guilt. And guilt distracts us from the reality of our salvation.
If our enemy cannot get us to sin, he wants to keep our minds so focussed on our shortcomings, or someone else’s quirks, that we can barely spiritually breathe. The more we allow these thought patterns to rule the less we will love ourselves or others. I have come to the conclusion that who I really am is the person who comes out when I am squeezed by circumstances. That thought has helped me enormously to be realistic about my actions and attitudes, without being obsessive. Instead I confess my faults and He heals me! I don’t have to be afraid to admit my shortcomings, because the Lord has taken care of them. Now I can happily give thanks because of the Grace He releases to me, and through me.
Sadly, everything we say and do can be disguised to look good to others, by using our own good manners. However, those things do not come from the fruit of the Spirit, but from our own will and our own personal sense of how this life is meant to work. I often spiritually fall over someone else’s lack of manners, because mine were dinged into me from birth! Those things immediately send me spiralling off into judgment. Good manners are great, but spiritual fruit is permanent. It can be eaten. That fruit slowly ushers in spiritual growth, health and transformation, and when you take a bite out of it, it won’t bite you back!
We have His help, always. But we can become so used to acting, or even reacting, without any thought, we can miss those crucial moments to yield. The Holy Spirit is our 24/7, on the spot, Helper. He wants to help us transform our inner attitudes so what comes out is really IN there! Sadly, in many congregations it is almost easier to give a performance of good, than it is to face our short-comings realistically.
If you have lived most of your Christian life on a steady diet of religion, trying to manufacture in your own strength what our kingdom lives need to look like — that can be an enormous weight. We can feel such a failure all the time, because all we can see is fault. Blame and shame love to jump on that bandwagon. So if I feel down, you must have done something wrong, so it’s your fault!! I have discovered that the more I oppress my true self, the more likely I am to hide my faults, and focus on yours. It is like a being on a merry-go-round I cannot get off! Now I have an image to keep up!
Letting God into our intimate thoughts and inner self can be incredibly daunting. Some of us don’t let anybody in there! Instead we have constructed ‘devices’ to distract ourselves from paying attention to what is going on inside. Maybe we are afraid of blame or shame. That’s often when our awareness of what Jesus did for us has become dim, and remote— then we try to hide from the One Who already loves and knows us. Jonah is a brilliant example of that kind of thinking in action! He hid in the bottom of a ship because the Lord’s idea did not appeal to Him, he blamed God Himself for wanting to save Nineveh. Yet Paul has several instances where he openly admits they had one idea, and the Holy Spirit had another! It’s OK to be wrong, just be honest about it.
For most of us God’s Love is a strong concept, yet to be deeply experienced. It is not a deep seated reality. We can devotedly read the bible with this awful feeling that we will always fall short, and sadly that can lead to blaming and shaming ourselves, or even to putting others down, because they seem to be successful, and we’re not. At the same time, some of us have learnt to be really great actors! That’s why I love reading the gospels, because the disciples foibles and dumb attitudes give me room to be myself – real, inadequate and normal. I know I need a Saviour!
Religion blames and shames people, and that produces fear, rejection, and pain for everyone involved. The Pharisees and their mates didn’t understand where the Lord Jesus was coming from, and yet they knew the bible, backwards, and inside out. They were the leaders, so they made a visible practice of knowing everything from every direction. Just like they did back then, a religious bent can colour the way we look at His Word, and affect how we live our lives and regard other people. Blaming parents seems to be a national past-time! ‘They smacked me too much, or they used shame to govern me.” Blame is blame no matter why or where we aim it. I comfort myself that I had a childish mind back then – but I don’t have to have one now!
The fullness that belongs to every single one of the Lord’s kids will always seem out of reach if we continue to wrestle with religious stuff. God loves real people who make real mistakes! I have noticed a couple of things about blame and shame … if you have lived with it in the past, those terrible twins seem to nag at you in subtle ways in the present, and you are more likely to fall into that pattern of thinking again, as well as reflecting it to others, especially under pressure. Let the oppressed go free – them and me!! Praise God for His Grace.
Bye. 👋
In Romans 1:16 Paul declares,“I am not ashamed of the gospel,”and Isaiah 54:4, which promises, “Do not be afraid; you will not be put to shame.”And 2 Timothy 1:12: “But I am not ashamed, for I know Whom I have believed, and I am convinced that He is able to guard until that day what has been entrusted to me.”
