Romans 1

P 2639 The hardest thing for a parent to do …

/ DVH

…is to love their grown up child, and hate their kid’s sin. As we all know, little kids are a lot of work, nappies, feeding, tantrums, cuddles, sleeping  – all that stuff is hard physically and mentally. It’s a demanding time. But – the hardest days are ahead — teaching your older kids to obey a God they cannot see is much harder. Unless they are prepared to read His book. 

Every bad habit you ever had or saw in yourself, can start to come out back at you, in their behaviour. As the maturing child grows you might end up judging your own investment in their lives, and feel like you fell short. Years of teaching, talking, redirecting, unselfishness and sacrifice are often forgotten. So when that older kid flops its big toe across the line and stares you right in the eye … while they are living without the Lord, and they refuse to change … that stuff is utterly devastating.

Some kids are so adept at getting what they want, they know exactly what buttons to press. In those moments we need to be careful. We can’t afford to come into agreement with a way of life that is out of agreement with God’s ways. Yet you can be so tempted to agree because you love your kid!

I know a little bit about this subject. Our kids are all now fully-mature functioning adults with grown-up kids of their own. But one of my adult children doesn’t walk with Jesus and they live somewhere else. Let me be very clear – I still miss that kid in my life. The pain from the semi-estrangement can be so hard I choose to refuse to think about it. Because I know that I can get caught up in the details of my own failure, and end up in blame and guilt. I second-guess my much earlier decisions and blame myself for the adult child’s wrong decisions.

Praise Jesus, I’ve learnt to hand this kind of situation over to Him and say: “I failed! Your turn!” The hardest thing for a parent to do is to keep on praying … but walk away. As a parent, you can throw His love over their fence – figuratively – as the Lord leads you, but don’t be tempted to try to change them. Let them come to you. And when and if they repent, do wait to see the fruit of their repentance. Refuse to be blackmailed by sad sack faces, and pleas of ‘it will be different this time, I promise.’  We cannot afford to let torment and guilt drag us around by the heart, we need to be led by HIS LOVE – which never ceases, but has boundaries.

The verse from yesterday really spoke to me: “…they not only continue to do these very things but also approve of those who practice them.” Romans 1:32. I have dear friends whose adult kids are living in terrible life-styles, far away from the Lord. Of course they love their kids and hate to disapprove of them, however these grown up kids are light years away from that little child we can still see! Unfortunately, when your kids don’t follow the Lord, blame can follow you around like a rottweiler! It’s ready to grab and bite your ankles and drag you under. The devil is not satisfied with just tormenting you, hurting your kid and hurting you through your kid, he wants to destroy your faith as well.

An adult kid still knows how to get at you – manipulation is often its middle name! It can wind you around its little finger. Sadly, it doesn’t care about right and wrong, it will try every which way to drag your approval out of you. Even when it is clear to everyone else that the way that kid is living is not helping them! Christian parents can get sucked into the vortex of throwing love, lifelines and even money at wayward adult children in the hope that somehow that will convince them that the parent loves them and so does God. The raw truth is – when we do that, we are approving of, and feeding the very behaviour that needs change. 

The thing to do is to make your position, lovingly and clearly, and maybe say stuff like this: “ I am not rejecting you – you are bigger than this sinful lifestyle. I love you, I always will, I will always feed you if you are hungry. But what you are doing, the way you are living, is wrong, and I will not invest my approval, finances, and energy to help you go the WRONG WAY. I will not help you to go to hell!” Parenting is not for the faint-hearted. And sadly our society approves of everything! There is enormous pressure on parents. However, God loves them more than you do. Step out of His way. 

Only you know the maturity of your child. For some kids this relinquishment of responsibility might have to happen earlier rather than later. Don’t EVER stop loving them, but don’t dive in with them and let them run the show when they are clearly living sinful lives. Hold fast to your faith that God hears and He will deliver them. May the Lord give you grace to stand up against the devil’s onslaught. Amen. 🥲

P 2638 Turning away from God has dire consequences.

/ DVH

“They have become filled with every kind of wickedness, evil, greed and depravity. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit and malice. They are gossips,  slanderers, God-haters, insolent, arrogant and boastful; they invent ways of doing evil; they disobey their parents; they have no understanding, no fidelity, no love, no mercy. Although they know God’s righteous decree that those who do such things deserve death, they not only continue to do these very things but also approve of those who practice them.” Romans 1:29-32.

Those of you who are familiar with Romans will probably already know that chapter one clearly outlines why people end up doing appalling things. Some of them are listed in the text above, and there are still other things that have been mentioned in that chapter. I just want to say, once and for all, it is not my wish to comment upon other people’s lifestyles and choices. Whether I have done all of these things or not, I still found myself in that list above, so that list does not exclude me …whether I have done this thing or that …OR NOT!  … Praise God HE found ME and now I am learning to honour Him in all things.

My point today is that we can easily end up pointing the finger at someone else because they do things we consider to be truly despicable, and we know that the bible clearly says none of us should live like that. We can even go so far as to publicly condemn others for their actions and proclivities — but the real truth is – the bible is a mirror. And the first and best person to see in that mirror is ME! If, by God’s grace I am able to share with you what I’ve seen about myself – it is in the hope that it will help you. But I am not commenting on anything else in Chapter one except to say that that whole chapter hangs on verses 18-20 – in my opinion. 

“The wrath of God is being revealed from heaven against all the godlessness and wickedness of people, who suppress the truth by their wickedness, since what may be known about God is plain to them, because God has made it plain to them. For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities—His eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that people are without excuse.”

We are all guilty of not recognising, or even looking for, Almighty God, and putting Him in first place – when the evidence that He exists is clearly everywhere! My point is that living like that will have dire consequences! We will end up in the mud of sin and it will pull us under. Paul came to preach God’s mercy and grace to the people who knew they needed mercy and grace. Putting a big tick on any abhorrent behaviour is dangerous. By saying a big tick I mean looking at others and condemning them, while we are feeling good about ourselves, because … we don’t do that. Judging people can become the biggest distraction of all! Sadly, it becomes way too easy to go on from there, and make excuses for whatever WE’VE DONE, in comparison to someone else. 

This chapter proves to me there is nothing new under the sun, we just think we are more clever now, than they were back when Paul was preaching, but …  we are still falling down the same holes they did!! Christianity’s real issue is not this sin or that action, it is WHO IS IN CHARGE HERE? If your answer is ME, MYSELF AND I – then you are going the wrong way. Our multiple sins cry out against us. They are proof of our inner selves and attitudes. However in order to slide off into one sin or another – somewhere, somehow – we had to decide that there was no God, or that God didn’t matter and we don’t have to answer to Him. Alternatively, we can make Him into the kind of God that is indulgent of everything we do – when the book clearly says otherwise! There’s another disappointment waiting to happen!

Our biggest sin is not acknowledging Him. Not just that list of stuff in His book. Mainly because, that list is the result of human beings living this life selfishly and carelessly.  It seems to me we can sometimes be much happier to look at others instead of ourselves because looking at others provides a happy distraction from the huge great boil on my nose! Metaphorically speaking, of course. Logs and specks. Matthew 7:1-5. Personally I have enough logs to go on with, you had better deal with your own specks, OK?

Sadly one of the next easiest things to do is to excuse ourselves and our sinful behaviour because of our upbringing. We merrily try to shove our responsibility for our behaviour off onto a sinful parent, (or authority figure), who had their own troubles. It’s ME that needs transformation! Even if you annoy the living daylights out of me, day after day after day – I have no excuse, because this world I live in proves God exists, and I will answer to Him. He has promised to help me change. 

As I have said before, other people’s behaviour cannot be an excuse for our own choices. Jesus Himself put up with a man who betrayed him for three years. He taught that man, encouraged him and prayed for him. Judas would be the first person to say: “I made my own choices.” We need to start there. It’s called taking responsibility for our own actions. Turning away from God has dire consequences. 👋