Reacting

P 3041 Blame and shame …

/ DVH

… the destructive twins. Those thieves take our peace and joy away and leave us with angst and worry. They make poor governors of our behaviour. They can be aimed at ourselves, as well as others. When we are caught up in this way of thinking, we move right out of operating in Grace, because blame and shame thrive on guilt. And guilt distracts us from the reality of our salvation. 

If our enemy cannot get us to sin, he wants to keep our minds so focussed on our shortcomings, or someone else’s quirks, that we can barely spiritually breathe. The more we allow these thought patterns to rule the less we will love ourselves or others. I have come to the conclusion that who I really am is the person who comes out when I am squeezed by circumstances. That thought has helped me enormously to be realistic about my actions and attitudes, without being obsessive. Instead I confess my faults and He heals me! I don’t have to be afraid to admit my shortcomings, because the Lord has taken care of them. Now I can happily give thanks because of the Grace He releases to me, and through me. 

Sadly, everything we say and do can be disguised to look good to others, by using our own good manners. However, those things do not come from the fruit of the Spirit, but from our own will and our own personal sense of how this life is meant to work. I often spiritually fall over someone else’s lack of manners, because mine were dinged into me from birth! Those things immediately send me spiralling off into judgment. Good manners are great, but spiritual fruit is permanent. It can be eaten. That fruit slowly ushers in spiritual growth, health and transformation, and when you take a bite out of it, it won’t bite you back!

We have His help, always. But we can become so used to acting, or even reacting, without any thought, we can miss those crucial moments to yield. The Holy Spirit is our 24/7, on the spot, Helper. He wants to help us transform our inner attitudes so what comes out is really IN there! Sadly, in many congregations it is almost easier to give a performance of good, than it is to face our short-comings realistically.

If you have lived most of your Christian life on a steady diet of religion, trying to manufacture in your own strength what our kingdom lives need to look like — that can be an enormous weight. We can feel such a failure all the time, because all we can see is fault. Blame and shame love to jump on that bandwagon. So if I feel down, you must have done something wrong, so it’s your fault!! I have discovered that the more I oppress my true self, the more likely I am to hide my faults, and focus on yours.  It is like a being on a merry-go-round I cannot get off! Now I have an image to keep up! 

Letting God into our intimate thoughts and inner self can be incredibly daunting. Some of us don’t let anybody in there! Instead we have constructed ‘devices’ to distract ourselves from paying attention to what is going on inside. Maybe we are afraid of blame or shame. That’s often when our awareness of what Jesus did for us has become dim, and remote— then we try to hide from the One Who already loves and knows us. Jonah is a brilliant example of that kind of thinking in action! He hid in the bottom of a ship because the Lord’s idea did not appeal to Him, he blamed God Himself for wanting to save Nineveh. Yet Paul has several instances where he openly admits they had one idea, and the Holy Spirit had another! It’s OK to be wrong, just be honest about it.

For most of us God’s Love is a strong concept, yet to be deeply experienced. It is not a deep seated reality. We can devotedly read the bible with this awful feeling that we will always fall short, and sadly that can lead to blaming and shaming ourselves, or even to putting others down, because they seem to be successful, and we’re not. At the same time, some of us have learnt to be really great actors! That’s why I love reading the gospels, because the disciples foibles and dumb attitudes give me room to be myself – real, inadequate and normal. I know I need a Saviour!

Religion blames and shames people, and that produces fear, rejection, and pain for everyone involved. The Pharisees and their mates didn’t understand where the Lord Jesus was coming from, and yet they knew the bible, backwards, and inside out. They were the leaders, so they made a visible practice of knowing everything  from every direction. Just like they did back then, a religious bent can colour the way we look at His Word, and affect how we live our lives and regard other people. Blaming parents seems to be a national past-time! ‘They smacked me too much, or they used shame to govern me.” Blame is blame no matter why or where we aim it. I comfort myself that I had a childish mind back then – but I don’t have to have one now!

The fullness that belongs to every single one of the Lord’s kids will always seem out of reach if we continue to wrestle with religious stuff. God loves real people who make real mistakes!  I have noticed a couple of things about blame and shame … if you have lived with it in the past, those terrible twins seem to nag at you in subtle ways in the present, and you are more likely to fall into that pattern of thinking again, as well as reflecting it to others, especially under pressure. Let the oppressed go free – them and me!! Praise God for His Grace.

Bye. 👋

In Romans 1:16 Paul declares,“I am not ashamed of the gospel,”and Isaiah 54:4, which promises, “Do not be afraid; you will not be put to shame.”And 2 Timothy 1:12: “But I am not ashamed, for I know Whom I have believed, and I am convinced that He is able to guard until that day what has been entrusted to me.”

P 2754 A most valuable tool.

/ DVH

One of the most useful tools in my interpersonal toolbox is the one that says: “my response is my responsibility.”  I have found it can be much too easy to blame the way I am responding, or reacting, onto someone else’s actions. Maybe someone ticks me off, and instead of doing something (prayerfully) about it, I let it go because I am busy and I don’t have time to poke about in my feelings, or sort out your not-so-nice attitude toward me. What’s inside me, that has been stored up – so to speak, and it will eventually come out … usually at another person!

Unfortunately that kind of neglect buries any difficulties – it does not clear them up. Buried things have a tendency to rot away and stink! The next time you do something that ticks me off, I will have a less tolerant attitude toward your actions. If you keep on bumping into my ever increasing irritation, eventually – I could feel justified to snipe back at you. However, there is no ownership in those actions. I have unrealistically, farmed out my responsibility for my emotions onto you, because I am expecting you to pull up your socks and stop ticking me off! 

The only person in charge of the way I respond is ME! I would be far better off handing my irritation over to the Lord, and asking Him to help me with it, instead of stuffing it down inside me … making it a time bomb waiting to go off. I don’t have to say anything to you unless He says I should… I simply talk to Him and ask Him to adjust my inner ‘dial’ so that I am not so sensitive to the argy bargy stuff that happens in this life. I ask Him for more love and less impatience, and could He please show me what is actually going on inside me?

Babies are a perfect example of uncontrolled emotions. They cry and crank, mainly because they don’t have any language for how they feel. So someone comes and picks them up to soothe them. We have a society full of people who do not know how to handle their own emotions and soothe themselves. They keep waiting for someone else to do it, or they will throw blame everywhere. These people shrug off their own responsibility to manage their anger, rage, whinging, weeping, irritation and plonk it onto the people who are annoying them. It might be the wife and kids, it could be the government, or a neighbour, but I can guarantee that if you ask them, it  will always be someone else’s fault they are angry, full of rage, or sad etc. It will never be their fault. 

This life has bad things in it. People do truly dreadful things to each other and they are not only not sorry – they’ve let the aforementioned storm inside them build up to gigantic uncontrollable levels. We need to learn, with God’s help – how to manage our own responses and reactions. 

Repentance and ownership of my own flaws and faults must be like breathing. The bible clearly tells us that we don’t have to feel bad, or even less than somebody else;   because we know Jesus died for ALL our sins. And I’m not better than them either. I am not perfect myself, and, despite my feelings, I am not as excessively fragile as I think.

God put a fighter in all of us – we are designed for transformation, so we will have to fight our own human inclination to retaliate. I need to use His weapons of warfare. Those weapons I choose will transform my inner life so that it is not a litany of other people’s faults playing over and over and over again. That’s why I read the Bible, I am looking for Him, plus my own sin, not yours!

Today I want to look at those two men who were crucified right alongside Jesus. One man was bitter, the other became bigger. That second man was also suffering but he made hard choices at an incredibly difficult time. BTW, they both deserved their punishment.  

Luke 23:32, 33: “Two others, both criminals, were led out to be executed with Him. When they came to a place called The Skull  they nailed Him to the cross. And the criminals were also crucified—one on His right and one on His left… … 39-42 “One of the criminals hanging beside Him scoffed, “So You’re the Messiah, are You? Prove it by saving Yourself—and us, too, while You’re at it!” But the other criminal protested, “Don’t you fear God even when you have been sentenced to die? We deserve to die for our crimes, but this man hasn’t done anything wrong.” Then he said, “Jesus, remember me when You come into your Kingdom.”

Ownership of our own faults is imperative to becoming a mature Christian. We must transform our self-talk by digesting the bible. Instead of dismissing ourselves as innocent, we need to remind ourselves that there is nothing that happens to us that is not Father-filtered. We need to ask for more FAITH to overcome our human inclinations. 1 Corinthians 13 is not a dream … it is a reality, ready to enter our lives, if we live prepared to press in and value the tools He has given us. If I truly want to be free I will deal with ME. Bye 👋

P 2670 It’s later than we all think.

/ DVH

Romans 13:11-14: “Besides this you know the time, that the hour has come for you to wake from sleep. For salvation is nearer to us now than when we first believed. The night is far gone; the day is at hand. So then let us cast off the works of darkness and put on the armour of light. Let us walk properly as in the daytime, not in orgies and drunkenness, not in sexual immorality and sensuality, not in quarrelling and jealousy. But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to gratify its desires.”

In these difficult times, we can get extremely busy, and then we forget WHO we belong to. We start acting and re-acting like the people around us. Sadly, their god is often their appetites and misery. Even our own ideas of down-time and entertainment can sometimes wander off into hedonism and violence. Like Paul said – that stuff is not for us. I exhort you to treat entertainment like food, and pray over everything. I believe the Lord Himself will show anyone what is good, or not good in their life, when we ask Him. My own policy is this – when in doubt, don’t!  I have a pretty fertile imagination and so I’ve learnt you can’t un-see or un-hear stuff once you’ve sat around absorbing it!

As for casting off the works of darkness, the things of the darkness aren’t always on TV or in some game …we can easily be distracted by an argumentative spirit, or a bad temper, or a negative or critical attitude. The enemy’s deceptions are not obvious like sexual deviancy or a violent response to provocation! ‘It is the little foxes that spoil the vines…’  Likewise it is the things that we make allowance for, that drag us away from the Lord’s ways. We are exhorted to number our days, because they are few. Actively choose to learn to co-operate with the Holy Spirit, nobody else can do that for you.

The bible tells us clearly what to put off … let’s do that and leave our feelings and needs out of it! Currently practically every generation on this planet is held captive to how it feels at any given moment. Human beings are bigger than their feelings! Praise God, the bible doesn’t just tell us what to put OFF – it also tells us what to put ON. We put on the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords using our faith in His power within us…We do this one day, one interaction with Him, at a time. Basically Paul is saying: ‘Don’t make a space for anything that will entice you away from loving and serving Jesus. The things of this world will drag you under into despair and shame.’ Amen!

Our lives are geared into working hard, so we want to allow for relaxation. And if that pleasure is taken away, then we think the sky will fall, because we instinctively know that we need rest. We get our REST from Christ! Anything else is a poor substitute. Just because there are times when we are not good at achieving that aim, that does not mean we have permission to let loose, and ignore things. Pleasure itself is not bad, but exalting anything over our passion for Him, will result in the Lord ending up in second place. And eventually, if we are not careful, He slides right out of the picture. 

That’s one of the things I truly love about the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. They will not force Their Ways on us. We don’t have to do anything! We choose to do it, to remain close to Him, and daily learn more about our new life in Christ. There are times I wish preachers would talk more about falling in Love with Him, because I think the Body of Christ really needs this kind of exhortation. When we love someone we will do anything for them, and abstinence is not painful, because it is a joy to be close to them. Personally, I love to hang around with someone who knows Him much better than I do. I can learn from them how to hold Him up in such a way that my response is pure worship. The more we invest in His life in us, the more His life will flow out of us.   

Our contribution matters – even if it is unseen. Many, many people underestimate their contribution. A loving heart that wants the best for everyone around them, makes a far greater contribution than someone who is caught up in their own needs and wants. To live like Christ did, we must actively, daily, choose to die. Physically, the truth is, we are all dying anyway – we start to die the moment we are born! But if we cling to this life and withhold our loving contribution from others… our true self will die a lot faster!

James 4:14: “How do you know what your life will be like tomorrow? Your life is like the morning fog—it’s here a little while, then it’s gone.” Let’s learn to respect the fact that we are visitors in this life. None of what we have been given belongs to us. As one very far-sighted person once said: “You will never see a U-haul trailer filled with this world’s goods, attached to a hearse!” Only God knows how valuable each contribution is – and how much it affects the people around us. Instead of languishing away under how hard life is – let’s learn to celebrate the fact that now we have the Author of life, living within us. That will involve our active participation. It is MUCH later than we all think.

Bye. 👋

Romans 14:8: “For if we live, we live to the Lord, and if we die, we die to the Lord. So then, whether we live or whether we die, we are the Lord’s.”

P 2531 Our place in God’s plans.

/ DVH

1 Samuel 22:20-23: “But one son of Ahimelek son of Ahitub, named Abiathar, escaped and fled to join David. He told David that Saul had killed the priests of the Lord. Then David said to Abiathar, “That day, when Doeg the Edomite was there, I knew he would be sure to tell Saul. I am responsible for the death of your whole family. Stay with me; don’t be afraid. The man who wants to kill you is trying to kill me too. You will be safe with me.”

To put you in the picture – King Saul is on one of his “let’s kill David … … plus anyone else who helps him!”… moods. Saul had heaps of ‘destroy that guy’ sprees. Below is my condensed version of one of those stories.. David goes to Nob and asks the high priest Ahimelek to help him, he and his men need food. Ahimelek gives David and his men yesterdays’ shew bread plus Goliath’s sword to help him. It is good to remember, King Saul hates David without any Godly cause. Some people do that you know – it isn’t always your fault.

Meanwhile, I think King Saul is deeply envious, and jealous of David and his popularity and his good heart. To start with Saul’s own son Jonathan loves him and this young man is constantly helping his friend. Back to the story — Saul hears about Ahimelek helping David out and he becomes furious — which actually seems to be the king’s emotional default position (!!)  And he sends for Ahimelek, and all the other priests. There were 85 of these men, and King Saul tells his men to kill all of them. 

But the king’s men are unwilling to strike down priests, so Saul gets Doeg the Edomite to kill them, as well as everyone else who lived in the town of Nob. Apparently Saul also believes in guilt by association. This is where the verses above pick up the narrative. We find out that through the text, that David did not trust Doeg at all. It seems that David’s internal spiritual radar was spot on! 

The reason I want to feature this story today is to highlight David’s attitude. Attitudes are easy to miss when you are just reading things as a story! One of Ahimelek’s sons escapes and runs to David, telling him what Saul has done and David picks up responsibility for what has happened … even though he was not the perpetrator! He literally becomes this man’s city of refuge, taking the man and his whole family in under his protection. I love that! When I read it recently, I started praying the Lord would make me a place of refuge like that for others, so they can come to know Him and His love, better.

It is good to look hard at what happened to Ahimelek. We need to note that none of the people who were assassinated did anything wrong – but they were all destroyed to satisfy the king’s desire for revenge. It can be way too easy to start hunting around for the ‘Sauls’ in our own lives … those people who hate us … when we read stuff like this… Nobody loves everybody all the time! By the way, if you find some people like that in your life – remember to forgive them! 

However, today my aim is to talk about having a heart just like David had toward others. He became the protector of the weak and vulnerable – despite the fact that he was being actively pursued by a jealous, vengeful king. He is innocent of any wrong doing. Under pressure, David is still a righteous man! As Christians, we need to be the sort of people that care enough about other people to protect them prayerfully etc., as well as practically and we need to learn, from the Lord, how to prevail under pressure. You get it that the pressure comes first – eh? Then we get to do the prevailing stuff!

This world has so much injustice today it is easy to be swept up in anger and frustration, and then get overwrought, and start acting, and reacting from our pain. Because of that pain, we can easily switch our focus over toward getting rid of the problem. In this story, and in most of ours, the problem is a person. Yet David had enough wisdom to leave Saul and his machinations to GOD – he just kept actively evading him. This was WHO David was!

IF we take matters like this into our own hands we will miss our calling. We are called to be ministers of reconciliation – not God’s revenge on two feet! Our enemy can successfully distract us from the main thing and … the main thing is to find OUR PLACE in His ANSWER. One of our biggest temptations is to rush in where angels fear to tread and act without wisdom. My advice is wait for our King, Jesus. Our place in God’s plan is to be a minister of reconciliation. There is no greater calling.👋