Parenting

P 3184 I Wonder?

/ DVH

I must say I am not sure how this new system of being a specific age before you use social media, is going to work out overall. I think it is a great idea. But good luck reinforcing something when your teenage kids are expert at using your logic against you. What is wrong with a parent saying: “No?” Or, “It’s dinner time put your phone down please!?” Or… “We are having a no-phone day today and that includes parents!” It seems to me that parents are now scared of their kids and there is something seriously wrong with that! (Read 2 Timothy 3:2)

In my opinion, children need to learn to self-regulate, and parents don’t always have the time to be nice about it. One of mine ran on the road when they were little, I did not make a suggestion or give an alternative response!I screamed: “Danger!” And ran after them. We are not raising totally autonomous little beings – our children live in a world with other people – and they need to learn to act accordingly. This world is not there to contribute to them, they are here to contribute to it!  One of mine bit someone else’s kid when they were little…but they only did it once! 

I did some homework in this subject and found that “no’ is a bad word to use when you are parenting. Blimey… ! I’m glad I’m not parenting a child now! I told mine when they were angry with me for disciplining them: “I’m your parent, not your friend, now go and do what I say.” I can understand the fear of being reported – going to jail for smacking your kid will do that to you. Crazy stuff! It seems Big Brother is watching, and Big Brother ain’t all that wise!!

However, I subscribe to what the bible says — back in the Ark it worked for me!  Proverbs has lots of useful teaching kids info in it. “Train up a child in the way he should go [teaching him to seek God’s wisdom and will for his abilities and talents], Even when he is old he will not depart from it.” Proverbs 22:6. “Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.” Proverbs 13:24. Now there’s a shocker, and here’s another one! “Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him.” Proverbs 22:15. 

I wonder what today’s world would make out of Abraham tying up Isaac and plopping him on an altar, all ready to kill him? Abe’s only lame-o excuse was: “God told me to do it!?” Or what about Hannah dropping off her little boy at the local synagogue at the age of three or four and leaving him there? Now there’s a new kind of all day-every day daycare!

There are loads of scriptures like the three I put above – but I’m pretty sure in today’s world we choose to ignore them. Because …we know better than God nowadays … He’s old fashioned…apparently! How does that go again?? How well is this tolerant attitude working on those teenagers pinching other people’s cars, beating up elderly people, and running around carrying machetes? Let’s think this idea through for a bit. If our children learn “no”when they are little, they will eventually learn how to discipline themselves. Or perhaps they will end up in grown up jail, because we’d rather look good!

I know that there are some kids who will disobey just to test the boundaries. I had some of those. Have we forgotten that boundaries represent security? Kids need security! We must always pray about stuff, but we need to teach our kids Godly boundaries too. The bible is an action book – not a book full of theories. God’s book has loads of practical daily applications. But one of the ways you can teach your kids is to set a good example. 

It’s no use talking about not stealing if you continue to cheat on your income tax. Or maybe you don’t take back money that is not yours when the check-out chick gives you the wrong change! Telling them not to squabble will have a short shelf-life if you and your spouse regularly have word fights as a love language! What you watch on TV is another way to witness to them. I used to tell mine: “Jesus wouldn’t watch that, its demonstrating how to do stuff we don’t do, because we follow Him.” The Lord disciplines us for our own good – love doesn’t always say ‘yes.’

On the positive side: my hubby, (grandpa), takes any or all of our grandkids out with him, when he is visiting the neighbours to bless them with a gift, or helping them out. Our grandson, who is 15, asks a bazillion questions afterward. It has opened up all kinds of conversations. Faith is not just a Sunday event, it’s a lifestyle. And yes, I have had more than one of my own kids reject that lifestyle … but praise Him that the Word of God eventually prevailed and now they have their own faith – without any pressure from me. Now my kids teach ME stuff. Boy, that was a hard nut to swallow initially, but I’m the better for it. They help to keep me honest about what I believe. 

My last thought on this subject is this:  our world today is totally happy to accept the premise that we don’t have to respect other people. ‘I will only respect you if you have earned it.”  Hooey! The people who say that guff don’t respect or acknowledge Almighty God  – so why are we following them? That’s backwards! I know I’m old-fashioned, but respecting other human beings is essential. It facilitates relationships. A lack of interpersonal respect promotes anarchy. The whole idea that I’m the only person who can decide whether things are good or bad is terrifying.

I wonder — how are you parenting your kids as you follow Him? Bye. 👋

P 2639 The hardest thing for a parent to do …

/ DVH

…is to love their grown up child, and hate their kid’s sin. As we all know, little kids are a lot of work, nappies, feeding, tantrums, cuddles, sleeping  – all that stuff is hard physically and mentally. It’s a demanding time. But – the hardest days are ahead — teaching your older kids to obey a God they cannot see is much harder. Unless they are prepared to read His book. 

Every bad habit you ever had or saw in yourself, can start to come out back at you, in their behaviour. As the maturing child grows you might end up judging your own investment in their lives, and feel like you fell short. Years of teaching, talking, redirecting, unselfishness and sacrifice are often forgotten. So when that older kid flops its big toe across the line and stares you right in the eye … while they are living without the Lord, and they refuse to change … that stuff is utterly devastating.

Some kids are so adept at getting what they want, they know exactly what buttons to press. In those moments we need to be careful. We can’t afford to come into agreement with a way of life that is out of agreement with God’s ways. Yet you can be so tempted to agree because you love your kid!

I know a little bit about this subject. Our kids are all now fully-mature functioning adults with grown-up kids of their own. But one of my adult children doesn’t walk with Jesus and they live somewhere else. Let me be very clear – I still miss that kid in my life. The pain from the semi-estrangement can be so hard I choose to refuse to think about it. Because I know that I can get caught up in the details of my own failure, and end up in blame and guilt. I second-guess my much earlier decisions and blame myself for the adult child’s wrong decisions.

Praise Jesus, I’ve learnt to hand this kind of situation over to Him and say: “I failed! Your turn!” The hardest thing for a parent to do is to keep on praying … but walk away. As a parent, you can throw His love over their fence – figuratively – as the Lord leads you, but don’t be tempted to try to change them. Let them come to you. And when and if they repent, do wait to see the fruit of their repentance. Refuse to be blackmailed by sad sack faces, and pleas of ‘it will be different this time, I promise.’  We cannot afford to let torment and guilt drag us around by the heart, we need to be led by HIS LOVE – which never ceases, but has boundaries.

The verse from yesterday really spoke to me: “…they not only continue to do these very things but also approve of those who practice them.” Romans 1:32. I have dear friends whose adult kids are living in terrible life-styles, far away from the Lord. Of course they love their kids and hate to disapprove of them, however these grown up kids are light years away from that little child we can still see! Unfortunately, when your kids don’t follow the Lord, blame can follow you around like a rottweiler! It’s ready to grab and bite your ankles and drag you under. The devil is not satisfied with just tormenting you, hurting your kid and hurting you through your kid, he wants to destroy your faith as well.

An adult kid still knows how to get at you – manipulation is often its middle name! It can wind you around its little finger. Sadly, it doesn’t care about right and wrong, it will try every which way to drag your approval out of you. Even when it is clear to everyone else that the way that kid is living is not helping them! Christian parents can get sucked into the vortex of throwing love, lifelines and even money at wayward adult children in the hope that somehow that will convince them that the parent loves them and so does God. The raw truth is – when we do that, we are approving of, and feeding the very behaviour that needs change. 

The thing to do is to make your position, lovingly and clearly, and maybe say stuff like this: “ I am not rejecting you – you are bigger than this sinful lifestyle. I love you, I always will, I will always feed you if you are hungry. But what you are doing, the way you are living, is wrong, and I will not invest my approval, finances, and energy to help you go the WRONG WAY. I will not help you to go to hell!” Parenting is not for the faint-hearted. And sadly our society approves of everything! There is enormous pressure on parents. However, God loves them more than you do. Step out of His way. 

Only you know the maturity of your child. For some kids this relinquishment of responsibility might have to happen earlier rather than later. Don’t EVER stop loving them, but don’t dive in with them and let them run the show when they are clearly living sinful lives. Hold fast to your faith that God hears and He will deliver them. May the Lord give you grace to stand up against the devil’s onslaught. Amen. 🥲

P 2386 Headlines from today are in the book. “Children will lead.”

/ DVH

Isaiah 3:1-7 “The Master, God-of-the-Angel-Armies, is emptying Jerusalem and Judah Of all the basic necessities, plain bread and water to begin with.He’s withdrawing police and protection, judges and courts, pastors and teachers, captains and generals, doctors and nurses, and, yes, even the repairmen and jacks-of-all-trades. He says, “I’ll put little kids in charge of the city. Schoolboys and schoolgirls will order everyone around. People will be at each other’s throats, stabbing one another in the back: Neighbour against neighbour, young against old, the no-account against the well-respected. One brother will grab another and say, ‘You look like you’ve got a head on your shoulders. Do something! Get us out of this mess. And he’ll say, ‘Me? Not me! I don’t have a clue. Don’t put me in charge of anything.’”

The Lord gave me one sentence this morning, and that’s the title of today’s blog. I looked up the phrase and found about a billion verses about how to be nice to kids, but I couldn’t find this particular one He put on my heart. However, I have learnt to persevere, plus hubby prayed for me, so I found it. Yay Isaiah! And if, per chance you think that I picked this version on purpose you would be right … but it says the same thing in all the versions. You would do well to go back and read it again because it reads like the newspaper and TV headlines.

I was gobsmacked. I tried to highlight any bits that spoke to me, and I simply couldn’t … all of it was relevant in today’s world. Scary huh?? This is what the Lord said to me: “My heart is grieving and bleeding for your kids.” BTW that’s not just your kids or my kids or even our grandkids – He means the kids that are out there right now, on our streets terrorising our neighbourhoods. We helped put them into those greedy grasping authority-defying attitudes when we refused to discipline them. We got “enlightened” … and decided our kids didn’t need smacking because the little darlings were basically good.

Maybe because you and I went to church and we drew our own kids in a little closer and hid them under the umbrella of ‘God’s kids’ and prayed and prayed for them, scared silly of what might happen to them. You know we can get so busy trying to protect our kids – that we forget about all the other kids who are now running riot in our streets!  BUT … “There is no fear in love …!!!”  Ya might want to think about that one.

Then Big Brother came along and threatened us with child abuse and told us he would throw us in jail if we didn’t stop smacking them. So we let fear rule – and these kids … who don’t know how to control themselves, were loose – doing what comes naturally all over the place. We’ve forgotten who the ruler of this world is! he grabbed them and dragged them down. Those kids are our future. Think on this, satan could not have offered Jesus any kingdom if the other guy did not already own them. We live in enemy territory – that’s why it is a bad idea to make ourselves at home here!

The bible has many helpful hints on parenting. “Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it.” (Proverbs 22:6)“Do not withhold correction from a child, For if you beat him with a rod, he will not die. You shall beat him with a rod, And deliver his soul from hell.” Proverbs 23:13-14 “Parents, don’t provoke your children in a way that ends up discouraging them.”’ (Colossians 3:21)

BTW, disciplining in anger is a really bad idea. Both the child and the parent need a time out – the parent needs to work on patience and the child needs boundaries. A child needs to learn that it cannot allow self-expression to rule the family. Being part of something bigger and Godly, is protection not oppression, it is Grace. How you and the Lord work that out for each child is between you and Him.

I don’t think I will be part of the generation who will solve this serious problem with angry children raging about doing others great harm. But we can pray, because we know our Heavenly Father loves those kids. He put judgment on Jesus, and just because they don’t know that fact, that does not change the reality. We need to treat them like kids who need guidance and instruction and teach them His kind of love. And pray that He will save them from themselves.

We must pray for God to raise up people who will personally pray and love them in spite of their anger and selfishness as well as reach out to them. We must not cede our responsibilities to the state, because the state’s answers are not Godly. The state does the immediate, it rarely thinks long-term – they neither ask for, nor walk in His wisdom. God has a way for these kids to go so they won’t depart from it.  We simply need His wisdom, His way and the saints need to pray.

Let’s start asking the Holy Spirit how He wants us to reach out to other people’s kids in our area. We need God-given strategies. The Holy Spirit knows the way through anything! GOD LOVES THOSE KIDS, and, right now, in this world, WE are His hands and feet. Bye.  👋🏻 🦶🏻