Offender

P 3297 How to humble yourself.

/ DVH

In years gone by — even before I was born(!!), there were carefully embroidered scriptural sayings on the walls of most homes. The amazing thing was, that previous generation valued and embroidered challenging scriptures to remind themselves of what the Lord has said. They put these sayings up for everyone to see. Things have changed somewhat eh? 

I think we can also get a pretty good idea about what the Lord thinks about people’s lives, when we read the Old Testament, and see how He responded to the Israelite’s disinterest, disobedience and disloyalty. However in the NEW, He says stuff like this through1 Peter 5:6. “So humble yourselves under the mighty power of God, and at the right time He will lift you up in honour.”  Today I want to talk about this particular verse and how it might apply in our daily lives. I propose to give a hypothetical scenario that will hopefully clarify what I’m getting at. So off we go …

“… A Christian is at work dashing about, their feet barely touching the floor, when the boss calls them into his office. They kind of hope that he is finally recognising how much effort they make every day — but unfortunately, … not! Their boss appears to be nit-picking about something that went wrong that doesn’t matter all that much, and what’s worse, they didn’t do it! Now this situation will not get this person fired, they will just get one of their boss’s interminable lectures on ‘blah blah blah blah’. So they stand there trying to keep an interested look on their face, because their boss is a bit of a control freak. 

But THEY know, that they know, that they didn’t make the mistake – yet the boss is going on and on about this error like the building is on fire because of it. What to do? Do they throw the person who actually did do it, under the bus? After all, the Christian happens to know that the person who did it seems to be a lazy sod, who does as little work as possible. Lately they are often at home throwing a fake sickie. It would serve them right to get a good ticking off, it might just motivate them into action! Meanwhile the boss keeps droning on and on, and  they are waiting for a pause, so they can clarify whose fault it really is, and then the Lord says: “Don’t do it.”And they totally know it is the Holy Spirit talking to them! 

On drones the boss, but suddenly he stops and looks right at them and says: “Is there anything you would like to contribute?” After they have bitten their tongue nearly in half — they mumble out an apology as sincerely as they can, and tell the boss they will make every effort not to make the same mistake twice, and stumble back to their desk. Then they look over at their often-absent, always lazy, work-mate and he’s looking at the races on his computer! It seems some people never learn. So — do they pass on the lecture with gusto, or just keep schtum? 

This is the way temptation works. This guy is being tempted to vindicate himself, and give the other person a serve. However, in those moments you have a perfect place to humble yourself, and ask the Lord Himself to vindicate you! Then perhaps you might start silently praying for this guy to pick up his game. This is where we ask ourselves: “what would love do?” And maybe Proverbs 10:12 drops into our mind: “Hatred stirs up strife, But love covers and overwhelms all transgressions [forgiving and overlooking another’s faults.” 

Now our mythical example has a choice. He can dob this guy in and save his ego, or perhaps pay out on the man privately, because it is actually his workmate’s fault. But this means they are adding to the pile of junk that seems to be squashing the life out of the other man. But after all that, what has this man’s situation got to do with them? This guy is not exactly their favourite person anyway.

So the Christian man wanders outside for lunch, and they want to pray.  But … here comes the offender and he wants to sit next to them! Suddenly this man is babbling on about how hard life is and how he has been thinking of ending it all, because his wife left him, and he misses his wife and kids. Instant relief falls on the Christian, because they didn’t say anything to the boss about him. Then the Lord says: “Help him.” The Holy Spirit gives this guy a road map to healing for the man who has caused him so much trouble.

Here’s what I have learnt. Closed spiritual doors swing open, when we choose to take His Way through our difficulties. If we put down our pride— and look at someone else and their situation — we will start walking in Jesus’ shoes. People said things about Him that were so far from the truth that they were obviously lies!  But He chose to love and help others, despite the agenda-ridden underlying rotten attitudes that came at Him. Jesus had no pride, because He always knew where His help came from. “Our help is from the Lord, Who made heaven and earth.” Psalm 121:2 and Psalm 124:8.

Humbling yourself is not fun. It hurts us to the degree that we realise our own pride is still alive and kicking! In Christianity there is always a greater good, and the greater good is the Lord’s domain. He can steer us through anything. Humbling ourselves and letting go of our right to be defensive, is in our Father’s Kingdom territory. We let Him defend us. Bye. 👋.

P 3161 Offences and snares.

/ DVH

Opportunities for taking offence seem to be thundering around everywhere, lately. That trait is causing chaos in relationships, and in our thoughts about other people. It is interfering with us receiving and sharing God’s unconditional love. Then guilt grabs us by the throat, and we sit silently by, because we feel we haven’t got a leg to stand on. Please remember, Jesus paid for all our guilt and shame – but actions speak louder than words. 

Meanwhile offence can come at us through many things, including the media: which isn’t just TV, newspapers, or radio anymore. Today we carry the media around in our pockets so we can read it at the press of a button. If we are not alert to that snare, we can become like jackals, feeding off someone else’s kill, adding to the pile of nasty things said. We dare not sit in the background, passing judgment on things we know nothing about, while we continue to justify getting offended at others.

It is so easy to misunderstand what someone else said, and then become offended. By the time the other person tries to explain what they really said, nobody but the speaker cares anymore. And the offended person is too busy chewing on their own offence. All the while, satan stands by providing us with things from the past, as fuel for the fire of our anger and angst. It occurs to me that when we forgive someone’s sin against us, the point is to forget the injury. We hold things against people, and then use their past to clobber them into submission to make our own point. Scoring points off each other is no way to lovingly relate. “Why not suffer wrong?”

Offence is a trap – the bible calls it a snare. We can easily lose our way and fall or step into it. This subject is is mentioned about 90 times, all over the bible, so we need to pay attention to it. Very few people start out thinking: ‘Oh, I think I will just get snotty and leave this church.’ Most of the time offence grabs them first. That’s why we need to be always on the alert, so we can pay attention and act and avoid the snare. But this kind of wisdom will only happen if we value God’s ways more than our own. If we keep making what I call self-decisions – ‘looking after me, and who cares about you?’ Then we will stay offended.

The thing is, in our churches — we try to be sweet, but we hide stuff. So we don’t actually use nasty words. Instead we use words like; ‘my spouse doesn’t understand me,’ OR ‘I need a church that meets my needs.’  We try so hard to maintain a ‘nice’ image that we use polite words to undergird and excuse our own responses. However, finding out what is at the bottom of our offences can help us discover where we are letting ourselves down. I’ve learnt to ask myself: ‘why am I thinking like that?’  Sometimes I ask: ‘what the heck is that attitude standing on?’ Instead of constantly promoting the kind of self-awareness that favours little old me – why don’t we choose to remember that we died when we gave our lives to Christ? 

Today I want to look at something that is quite commonly used as a measuring stick, and I think it can hurt, offend and alienate others. The idea that Christians have to be ‘born again’ – experientially. That remark has been used to qualify whether people are Christians – or not. It is interesting to note that this subject is only mentioned 3 times in the bible, John 3:3; John 3:7; 1 Peter 1:23! It seems to me that sometimes we elevate some verses over others – but I believe they are ALL important. The Holy Spirit is not a badge we wear to show we belong to the club!  He’s a wonderful Person. I was born again, experientially, 53 years ago, but nevertheless, I still think growing fruit plus a changed life is evidence of the Holy Spirit’s work in anyone. 

Elevating some verses over others, can be dangerous. There was a whole movement, a while ago, about asking for anything we wanted and God would give it to us – if we had enough faith. It was based on a couple of verses. It led to error, because it put US in charge instead of the Lord!  Meanwhile, in the gospels, there was once one guy who was told by Jesus to sell everything he had! … Any takers??? … Like I’ve said many times we can’t afford to pick and choose. Otherwise we send people off, trundling about looking for experiences, and neglect to help them to see the Saviour in His Word ... Can you see what I just did there? I gave you an opportunity to be offended with me. It’s now up to you what you do about it. 

Snares can easily become offences. Here are some verses on this subject: “And they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, after being captured by him to do his will.” 2 Timothy 2:26. We can be tricked into a  snare! “Be sober-minded;be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.” 1 Peter 5:8. It is up to US to be watchful, not just the pastor. ”The wicked have laid a snare for me, Yet I have not gone astray from Your precepts.” Offence and snares come upon us whether we are ready, or not, so it’s best to just live ready!! The whole bible was written to profit us. We need to keep our eyes on Jesus, He’s the Author and Finisher of our faith. That will help to keep us out of offence. Bye. 👋

P 2700 Let’s keep our eyes on forever.

/ DVH

The bible tells us to “… above all, guard the affections of your heart, for they affect all that you are. Pay attention to the welfare of your innermost being, for from there flows the wellspring of life.”Proverbs 4:23. When I watch over my heart I am watching over who I am and what I produce!

Sometimes the hardest thing to watch over is our own heart. From my limited experience, other people often tread on someone else’s heart unknowingly. However, whoever started whatever has happened, if someone is offended, it means that there is something we both need to look at..Sadly, we can mistake somebody else’s motivation for evil intent, when the truth is this:… a whole lotta people are just big dummies, (like me), and they talk without thinking.

It goes without saying that forgiveness is the key that opens the door to understanding and reconciliation, but we all have people in our lives who are repeat offenders. So today I want to talk to the offended as well as the offender. Have you noticed how easy it is today to take offence? My first bit of advice to the one who is offended, is that forgiveness will require resolve, it will take self-discipline. There’s a happy thought! However, this is how we mature, and grow the fruits of self-control and patience…  by hanging on firmly to the VINE – true forgiveness is in that vine.

So we: “…set our mind on the things above.’ Colossians 3:2. Most growing points in our lives are a matter of forgiveness. The thing is, people aren’t doing whatever they did AGAIN – if we really forgave them in the first place! There may be some times when we read this bible stuff and say to ourselves, “yeah, yeah, great thought, but how do I do that?” I wish I had some snappy whizz bang methodology, that took care of our instant responses – but I don’t.

Here’s my advice for the one offended. My experience in this area of forgiveness has come down to two words – DO IT.  Don’t expect to feel good about it – just do it. Deliberately, and with great resolve, take authority over all the mean, niggly things you want to say to that offender, and ZIP IT. 🤐 When Jesus hung there silently on that cross for us. He gave us the power, by what He did, to shut up when we desperately want to put someone else in their place or comment on their behaviour.. 

Seriously, don’t give into your feelings for a minute, because you will find yourself circling the plug-hole going down for the last time! The bible says SET your mind because sort of kind of hoping the conflict will magically go away, will not work! Let me clarify this – we are changing an internal mindset in our lives, and doing that is not easy. Mindsets change when we consistently ask Him for His help,  use our faith, and keep our anger to ourselves. I say to myself: “I wanna be like Jesus and this is the Way to get there.” People who have no self-control haven’t totally realised what He gave us when He died for us. We already have forgiveness – LEARN TO SHARE. Read Romans! The more we die to self the more we gain!

Transformation takes hold when we find we can say something positive to the person who is jumping all over our last nerve. The bible says: “Bless those who curse you, do good to those who despitefully use you.”  Look, we are not talking about a walk in the park, we are talking about pressing into God until you forget what you were mad about! It IS hard! Hullo!! I say to myself at this point: “Oh there’s that thing that I am not going to remember, because it is a trap sent to distract me!”  That scripture from Colossians is not just a nice thought – it is an essential part of victorious Christian living! Why would we hand our enemy a loaded gun to shoot us? Disarm the gun.

Now to look at the offender: If something is your fault. If you opened your big mouth and hurt someone else and they tell you what you did … then don’t make excuses, and don’t give endless explanations… simply APOLOGISE. Humble yourself. You are not the judge of what hurts someone else! Actually we are not the judge of anything — read the book. Ask what you can do to make amends. People can easily forget that “I’m sorry” is not what the bible says. It says repent. Repentance involves humbling yourself and taking responsibility for what you did. Hurting someone else IS a big deal, because we don’t live by this world’s standards, now we live by His! And He clearly tells us not to make each other stumble.

Offending people is a big deal! I’ve met many people who say they are sorry, but they don’t go that one step further to usher in reconciliation. The aim of repentance is reconciliation. We need to remember that in this Christian life our hearts belong to Him. Father God takes this stuff seriously – it cost Him His life!  When people are mean to you they are being mean to His child. This means we need to pray for them!  Christ’s ministry is all about love and reconciliation, and that is our ministry now too. To live this way, it will help us to keep our eyes on forever, instead of just the here and now. Bye. 👋

P 2621 Responding rather than reacting.

/ DVH

Reactions are easy-peasy. Somebody does or says something daft or provocative … or maybe we are having a bad day — and bingo bongo! — our response is not exactly excellent. Sadly that dratted ball starts rolling down the hill and the other person says or does something that gets under our skin. And then the bad stuff … the stuff we sorta kinda hoped wasn’t in there, inside us, starts bubbling out … e-v-e-r-y-where. Sigh. After that, maybe we are a tiny bit ashamed, because we feel that we ought to do better. But then that thought quickly flies out of the window. and we slam the window shut behind it … so it can’t get back in and stop us, as we settle in to dissect someone else’s life and attitudes!

OR … we half-apologise for bagging some poor schmuck who has no idea what they just did! But then, a little while later, because we are not done with feeling offended yet … and now they are looking at us funny ..  we pick it up where we left it and keep right on going …!! This sometimes means that we have made a decision that we need sympathy or understanding, more than spiritual growth. Suddenly we are dragging out every single thing this person ever said or did that hurt us, to add to the glorious bonfire of ‘poor me,’ we just built. Afterward, we can’t for the life of us figure out where that roaring blaze came from! … while we are sitting in the smouldering ruins of REGRET.

OR … maybe we FEEL JUSTIFIED be-cau-se of the way we’ve been treated. After all, ‘they said this and they did that! And what are we supposed to do after they were so mean to us? After all we are only human!’ ….even bigger sigh. Justifying ourselves is the first step down the slipperiest slide in the world. The thing is, to continue the ride down that slide we will probably have to give examples of their badness – usually to someone else who has ears the size of Dumbo the elephant. Someone who knows how to make sympathetic noises, because they too have their own bad people who don’t understand them either!

If we are particularly miffed at someone we may even talk to several different people about the offender, collecting ‘votes’ for or against the other person’s behaviour! That’s a really dumb idea that leads to self-justification. Of course I know that nobody reading this has never bin there and dun any of that!! Me neither! However, if I were Pinocchio, my nose would be out of the house and down the street by now.  My point is this, we opt for sympathy and ‘oh you poor dear,‘  rather than clinging to Christ and what He did for us, and doing what He would do. Psalm 31:1-4.

Jesus said NOTHING. He did NOTHING. He gave his back to those tormentors… Isaiah 53:7,8a. ”He was oppressed and afflicted, yet He did not open His mouth; He was led like a lamb to the slaughter, and as a sheep before its shearers is silent, so He did not open His mouth. By oppression and judgment He was taken away….” …If we want to follow Jesus Christ, our precious Master and beloved Friend, then we will need to take the road He chose. His road had a huge cost and it ended up on a cross.

Mean, critical, spiteful people are our personal cross to bear. And most of us have a few of them, hanging about. Time for the dance of joy! 🥳 🎉 Remaining silent in the face of criticism and someone else’s miserable … or even accurate … opinions of us and our behaviour, seems impossible. But Christ did it. That means He knows how to do it and the Holy Spirit can get us through it. We can learn to respond instead of reacting. He died to give us the same power He used.

How? Well, I recommend saying nothing, and praying “help help” over and over again, until we begin to feel His peace … ‘which passes all our understanding!’  Then we wait until we feel it starting to settle down over our hearts, and then we cling to it like a limpet. Philippians 4:7. His peace makes no sense to my mind but it is the most blessed thing E-V-E-R. Anger disappears. It goes away even more when I apologise for getting angry with the other person … even if they started in on me first. It actually grows as I fix my mind on Him. However, I can be tempted back into my reactionary attitude if the other person hasn’t got the same script I am reading from, and they start being unpleasant again! I need to pray that His peace will be more valuable to me than making my point or feelings known. 

I must conclude by saying that I am still learning this process, and I fail a lot… I’ve always been a last-word-Lana kind of gal. (Apologies to anyone out there who is called Lana – I don’t mean you … I just liked the alliteration! 🤪) Which means once I am wound up, unwinding me becomes difficult. But nothing is too hard for the Holy Spirit – including me. I have realised that my faith in His ability needs to be greater, than my own faith in my bad attitudes!

Responding to the Holy Spirit is way better than reacting to someone else, because it can change the outcome … and on some occasions, it even changes the outcome on both sides. Bye. 👋