Losses

P 2750 Death. We can’t avoid it.

/ DVH

There is no greater privilege than walking with someone else to the end of their earthly journey.  But this life today seems to be more about convenience, and carefully portioning out our time to do relevant, useful, fun things, as well as ordinary, everyday, necessary things. Death is not a significant subject in our society at all. It is as though we think that if we even mention it, that robber of joy will turn up at our house – always uninvited. But this life starts on its own timetable and it finishes the same way.

Most babies are born into this world regardless of our busy lives. One of mine was a month late, another was 3 weeks overdue. I thought I had turned into an elephant both times and I’m not talking about my size! (Elephants can gestate for 18 -20 months). I thought 10 months for a whole human being was a bit excessive myself! Moo..ving on from birth…

… back to my point. Death is not a subject that fits into our timetables. Just like the beginning of this life can be quite unpredictable, we all know that we have an undisclosed appointment with death. Are you cheered up yet??  Me neither! But I serve at the pleasure of the King and today’s blog was His idea. Yay! Meanwhile what are you so gloomy about? I could be closer to that event than you are. 🤪

As Christians we happily announce to the world that death has been swallowed up in victory and then we spend our time here deliberately not thinking about the fact that we are all finite! This subject only comes up, if someone close to us dies, or we are faced with that particular door into the unknown ourselves. Even faith that is steadfast wobbles a bit. Then suddenly death is a spectre looming in our faces, that steals our joy and enthusiasm for living. It creates a gaping wound inside us, and our revisited losses leave us inconsolable. 

However, walking the last mile with someone who is on that particular journey is an honour and a privilege. Caring for a dying person … at a time when their own families may fail them … that is a pure gift of love. Helping others transition from this life to the next is an honour, chosen by very few people – yet we need them.

We must be grateful to the ones who chose this kind of career – they are special. Their palliative, loving care is invaluable to the person who may already be very afraid, as well as in great pain. These people have the privilege of guiding someone prayerfully, carefully, through all the emotional upheaval, the physical ramifications, and the practicalities of dying and leaving this world behind them. Dying often involves suffering – and nobody enjoys going through that — or watching someone else do it either.

Right now, this minute, 106 people are about to leave this world behind – and that happens every single minute of every day. For most of those people this last journey is a journey into the unknown. Only the most adventurous, or the most despairing amongst us anticipate this last adventure. The people who care for the terminally ill are literally called by God Himself, to hold the dying soul’s hand and comfort and care for them, physically and emotionally. It is an opportunity for Love Himself to reach out and touch us at our most vulnerable. Jesus was incredibly kind to anyone He met that was suffering or dying even while He was dying Himself. Remember the men next to Him on the cross?

Dying is a normal part of our lives here on earth. Our civilisation has estranged itself from this process because of our distaste for it. That often leaves the suffering person all alone to manage one of the hardest journeys of their existence. The people who work in palliative care with those who are dying, are heroes to me. They put aside their own inner feelings, fears, and comfort, to make sure that this person is cared for to the end.  

Christians are often looking for ‘spiritual’ careers, yet very few job seekers consider ministering to the lost, dying souls who no longer have hope in this world. As well as standing by to comfort the families that are facing the inevitable. We usually leave that kind of ministry to ministers, imams, monks, priests, chaplains and pastors – the so-called ‘experts’ about the important things of this life. 

I felt the Lord wanted me to remind us all about praying or caring for the desperately sick, dying and lost. Being someone’s carer, nurse, nurse’s aid, doctor, or even someone who looks after people in palliative care is an honour. Love always looks like something. To a dying person it looks like hope for what comes next. 😶

P 2577 Grief and death.

/ DVH

Yeah, I know, everyone’s least favourite subject. The only Person who is well-qualified to talk about life after death is the Lord … as well as people like Jairus’ daughter, and Lazarus! And the very worst point about dying and death, is we won’t know what it is like until we get there. Fortunately this concept is all over the bible and we can study it, so the Holy Spirit can help us.

The bible is not silent about death. It simply says: “we must not grieve like someone with no hope.” (1 Thessalonians 4:13) But our lack of experience with God’s goodness can often carry us into head knowledge, not grief and sorrow resolution. If that is you, then please don’t be condemned. Tell the Lord you need His help. Some kinds of grief are like liquid mud – if we fall in it is hard to get out! Everybody dies, however it seems most human beings don’t cope with the finality of death. Sometimes, someone dies and our unresolved grief gets muddled up with other terrible losses. Daily keeping short accounts with others makes a great deal of sense because it is inevitable that those left behind will need closure.

The hard part of losing someone important to you, isn’t simply just because of their absence – it is that the possibility of change dies with them. Your relationship with that other person suddenly becomes stuck in time.  And now we must somehow go on to build a new life without them, and move on from the pain, regrets, failures and losses of the past. This is why we need to repent as we go along, wherever necessary. And, at the same time, we also need remember to give our pain back to the Lord. Jesus bore it on the cross and He carried it. (More on that later.) Eventually, all of us do our best to move on. Yet every time we remember, sadness rushes in.

I think grief is a vastly misunderstood normal response and emotion. It manifests itself differently through different people. Some people get mad, some people are sad – some people get mad and sad, and some just walk on, furiously suppressing how they feel. I like what a psalmist said:“Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.”Psalm 30:5. This tells me something about grief. It can seem like it will drag on forever, but it is meant to be a progressive moving thing – not a parking station we can’t get out of. 

Also grief is not just about shedding a tear, it is about a dark place our hearts sometimes go into, when any hope for any kind of further future has gone. Now this world seems to be a place where true reconciliation is suddenly out of our reach. We start to regret things that we’ve said;  what we didn’t say – and the things we should have said. Like I said, repentance helps. In those days we need to remember Jesus is our hope, He is our anchor. Park your little boat (life) and throw out the anchor – He will hold you through the storm.  Meanwhile, I’m all for appreciating people while they are still breathing! 

Our society is quite intolerant of the effects of grief upon individuals. We do not seem to have the freedom to allow a mourner to pass through this kind of tough season. The BIBLE says in Ecclesiastes 3:1ff- (bits of it): “To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: A time to be born, and a time to die; … …A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; …  …A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;” I love this scripture. It explains there is definitely a time for all kinds of things to happen to us in this life — BUT IT DOESN’T SAY, HOW LONG that time should be. 🤔

Now let’s look at what Jesus Christ has already done for us in this area. Remember, the bible says these things are a living established fact! “Surely He hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem Him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted.”  Isaiah 53:4. Jesus Himself said:‘Come unto Me all you who are labouring and are heavy laden.’ In exchange for griefs and sorrows, we can have HIS REST. That doesn’t mean we leave grief and sorrow behind us, it means He carries it FOR us.  It is an exchange. We will all suffer from some sort of grief, but it does not have to weigh us down, because Jesus has already carried it for us. I’m a literalist when it comes to the bible, I use it like a prescription. I believe that we can pray and exchange our grief and our sorrow for His REST.

Personally, I think as long as the bereaved person is moving forward in their grief, we should butt out and simply support them in ways that are meaningful to them. Grief suppressed can be dangerous – so let’s biblically learn to deal with the reality, and the pain, instead of using avoidance. Somebody – I can’t remember who said it – once said: “Grief is love with no place to go.” I think that sums this situation up beautifully. Remember our griefs can be given to the Saviour, Who knows all about it and took it with Him to the cross.   🥲👋