Irritation

P 3394 Do you react or respond?

/ DVH

This subject has been a difficulty for many of us. If you have lived with a reactionary parent, you may find yourself reacting to antagonistic stimuli almost automatically. The people who illustrated this trait toward us, could also be our biggest source of distress, irritation and pain. Often the person who is led by this trait is impulsive, and they regularly need some sort of diversion. They live almost on the edge of their nerves and they have no peace in them permanently.

I think doing things on impulse can be great fun, I have done it myself … but doing it continually makes for an unstable, unsettled lifestyle. What I have written here is not aiming at criticism, it is simply my best illustration of what over-reaction can do. It can quickly destabilise situations and usher in instability for others. Someone with a temper might say: “That’s just me. I flare up, but I cool down again.” I’ve found when this situation happens to me, I’m often reacting to a perceived slight, or word out of place, rather than responding to whatever is really going on. Human beings need stability, that’s why the Lord Jesus is so incredible – “He’s the same, yesterday, today and forever.”  Hebrews 13:8. He’s stable.

The insecurity created by a reactionary response can foster a deep sense of fear of things being out of control. (PS It is much better if we leave Jesus in control – fighting for control leads us to a much darker path!) Because of my own upbringing, I had a huge need to study everyone, including those close to me, carefully. Purely because I was afraid of what might come next! So I learnt to read faces, and body language to help me deflect aggression before it started. That BTW, is still a reaction!

Reacting to a situation actually means something else, or someone else is controlling us. Something unforeseen has happened and we act defensively so we can cope but then we can easily be provoked further. I don’t want to get into a debate about whether this or that is right or wrong. Instead I think we give away our ability to rationally work our way through things when we react. It took me years to realise my reaction to someone else’s instability meant I was also reacting! But I did that stuff inside my head. I was simply managing and manipulating any potential ugly circumstances beforehand, so I could pacify or placate the difficult person or circumstances.

Father God has gently peeled back the layers of anger, despair and heartache, and He showed me that I wasn’t actually escaping, instead I was becoming just like the person who was treating ME like that! He began to teach me to respond instead of reacting. Reacting means we let someone else’s actions define or create a deficit in us. However, responding is about making a quality decision about our own situation or someone’s actions toward us. Reacting is much easier than responding – our feelings jump in and they are trying to control things we feel we can’t control any other way. We need to turn to Jesus, not a default system. Control in any form, and Christianity do not mix. 

Responding means you take a second to think about what is in front of you, and ask the Lord to give you His plan. Sometimes He says to me: “Just wait…”  One thing I’ve learnt is that some reactionary people don’t like waiting, they want the difficulty escalated or resolved, NOW! But responders assess, pause, and then they act. If we are having problems with a reactionary person, waiting can prompt the other person to get even madder. This type of person doesn’t like that potential silent space, it doesn’t fit their “accelerate into war,” or “fix it now” agenda. However, somebody else’s anger is not our problem. Instead we need to ask the Holy Spirit to help us say something soft to turn away that wrath that’s coming for us. 

I’m learning to say: “You really matter to me. Let’s not damage our relationship, instead let’s turn down the heat and talk about it quietly.” Responding means you have taken control of yourself, and your own feelings. This is one of the ways we can cultivate the fruit of self-control. Our feelings aren’t useless, they just don’t have good leadership skills, because they don’t make good decisions under pressure. I have learnt when I wait, that the Lord will give me a scripture to hold onto. It helps me to bolster my faith, and it gives me something concrete to stand on. It helps me with my own response. Confronting a reactionary person is not necessarily the best time to use that word as a sword. That might only escalate things. 

However responding treats the other person like they have rights too. Controlling others so we can feel OK about ourselves, and get what we want, is not a good Godly plan. The bible says we get our worth in Christ. Our value comes from what He has done for us. When we choose to pause, then we have some time to choose to how to respond under the Holy Spirit’s guidance. If we read the entire story about Christ’s torture, punishment and death, we can see that He chose to be silent in the face of blatant untruths. His response was to say nothing. Responders understand they have the power to make things better. 

Like the scripture says in my blog heading: “I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead. I PRESS ON …” Philippians 3:13,14a. Bye. 👋

P 3248 Let joy REMAIN.

/ DVH

“Yahweh, you are my soul’s celebration. How could I ever forget the miracles of kindness You’ve done for me?” Psalms 103:2 TPT. “When You speak to me, I devour every word. Your word brings me such boundless joy. The endless delight of my heart is in knowing that Your beautiful name is attached to me, O  Yahweh, Commander of Angel Armies.” Jeremiah 15:16 TPT. ‘I have told you these things, that My joy and delight may be in you, and that your joy and gladness may be of full measure and complete and overflowing.” John 15:11. First of all we let JOY remain by remembering Jesus has chosen to walk with us here and now – and the Holy Spirit is here to lead us.

Joy is like peace, don’t lose it! If you lose it I urge you to go and find it again. His joy, in us, makes this life worth living. It is precious and costly – it cost Jesus His life. Let’s treat our lives like an operating room. Nobody operates on a patient without first thoroughly scrubbing themselves clean, so we must make sure we ask Him to help us look after our hearts. This means if and when, we get angry etc., we need repent quickly. Nurturing anger and feeding irritation, facilitates letting our hearts harden against that other person. Sorrow and suffering are joy murderers, unless our joy is permanently in the One Who saved us. Then circumstances can’t rule us.

Our enemy comes at us with whispers about this and that, and before you know it, there is no joy, no peace, no reconciliation – there is only RAGE and SORROW left. To let JOY remain, we need to guard our hearts against pride, self-satisfaction, revenge, bitterness, self-pity etc. And deliberately repent and remove any reason to justify ourselves, our actions and words. Take all that ugliness to the cross and leave it there. Humble yourself and fix things with others. We can’t serve two Masters … we will end up with divided hearts. Let’s choose Who we will serve and permanently settle it inside us. 

Then we need to deal with the state of our hearts, and the all pervading feeling that we are entitled to be angry, because the other person did or said this and that! Rehearsing other people’s sins is not only a dead end road, it’s a disaster! When we go to the cross we leave our entitlement, our judgment, our need for retribution there – my best advice is this – don’t go back and dig it up!  

Baptism isn’t just a ritual, some people go under the water and come up exactly the same! That means the water of the Word has not washed them clean of this world’s attitudes and systems. Instead this life continues to feed them entitlement and anger – over and over again. There are others who like to think of themselves as wounded beings, and they feel the rest of the world owes them something, because this life has wounded them. Here’s a big revelation for all of us, we are all wounded one way or another. Hurt is not a reason to indulge ourselves.

Thankfulness in the face of adversity is one of the biggest keys to allowing our joy to remain. Meditating on what someone else did or said, feeds the wrong spirit. Eventually that becomes a defensive way to think, and the habit of not seeing the good in things, will drag us under. But God is bigger than the spirit of stupid we can so easily succumb to – cry out for help, and He will rescue us, over and over again. Consider this life to be a journey, and point yourself in His direction and don’t allow detours. 

This is what the Lord said in Matthew 26:53 when people were deliberately murderous, vicious and cruel to Him.“Do you think I cannot call on My Father, and He will at once put at My disposal more than twelve legions of angels?”Right there, is the well-spring of our joy. The Lord didn’t try to save Himself, instead He chose to rescue us. Our choices are also powerful! We can help each other immeasurably if we simply stop putting our expectations onto other people. Other people cannot hold us up, that’s like putting your expectations on a badly broken chair. You’ll hurt yourself when you fall down! 

There’s real joy in what Jesus did. JOY is one of God’s glorious traits. Jesus didn’t sail through His earthly life without conflict and confrontation, He walked carefully, prayerfully through it, sometimes one step at time. And every single time He did that with that with US in mind. Our focus matters! “Keep your eyes on Jesus, Who both began and finished this race we’re in. Study how He did it. Because He never lost sight of where He was headed—that exhilarating finish in and with God—He could put up with anything along the way: Cross, shame, whatever. And now He’s there, in the place of honour, right alongside God.” Hebrews 12:2.

The joy we experience here and now, when we see what Jesus can do with one ordinary little changed life, that is our way through to the finish line. Where incredible eternal joy awaits us. We need to put immediate gratification, or instant relief from annoyance and irritation down … In favour of the greater good. Jesus looked through the pain of the cross, the separation from His Father and the Holy Spirit, and He saw us —- all of us together, in His Father’s house – forever. It is HIS joy we are learning so we need to learn it HIS way.  The Lord Jesus is the best reason of all to choose to learn to let joy remain. Bye. 👋

P 3059 Up close and personal!

/ DVH

“Your hand-to-hand combat is not with human beings, but with the highest principalities and authorities operating in rebellion under the heavenly realms. For they are a powerful class of demon-gods and evil spirits that hold this dark world in bondage.” Ephesians 6:12 TPT. 

Ignoring our enemy may well be one of Christianity’s biggest mistakes so far. But I totally believe in the Lord’s great all-encompassing goodness. I know He is raising up a generation of believers who will face all of our enemies, unashamed, and fearless. The way we can enter this brave band of brothers, is to practice fighting the good fight in our own little lives, every single day. Up close and personal! I pray all the time for His Grace to be abundant upon me because I’ve lived long enough to know that I need it!

Lately it seems the Lord is stretching my patience, while He is perfecting me and transforming me …Sigh. So there is a big l-o-n-g space between whatever bad event just happened in my life – to finally being able to see the Lord’s outcome. I will always need a big dollop of His hope daily to cope. Here’s a freebie …put your hope in Jesus, not in the Answer. Sometimes we don’t actually know what is good for us. My faith can be feeble and self-serving, and without His help, impatience will jump up and down on the inside of me – demanding my attention.

I battle with a sense of overall tiredness daily. It’s the kind of tiredness that makes you want to sleep for a week and hope that everything will be fixed when you wake up! I sort of understand the whole deal with the Israelites when they left Egypt and wandered around in the wilderness. I don’t like to live my life feeling uncomfortable either! The solution is easy – instead of waiting for my circumstances to change I need to give the whole thing to Jesus and walk away, leaving it with Him. And refuse to pick it up again..

God is good ALL the time. I simply need to cultivate my spiritual eyes and ears and make what He wants my priority. The problem is not with Him. It’s me!! There are days when I realise there is much more of the world inside me than I’ve comprehended so far. You know some days I also understand the Israelites longing for the leeks and garlic of Egypt, even when Manna fell out of the sky every day. It seems to me that there’s not that many ways you can cook Manna over an open fire! Boiled? Scrambled? toasted? I have a limited diet but manna porridge every day for forty years seems hard to bear. That problem is not with what I am eating – it is with what I am thinking!

The bible says in Galatians 2:20:“I have been crucified with Christ [that is, in Him I have shared His crucifixion]; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body I live by faith [by adhering to, relying on, and completely trusting] in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me.” I love the bible so much,.it shows me clearly there is no way forward without sticking to, leaning on, and totally surrendering to Jesus. ‘By faith’ means He is now my reference point, not the awful circumstances, or my feelings, but Jesus.

I love the bit in Galatians that says: “in the body.” My ability to conquer what’s going on in my head is already inside me – it came in when He came in! Salvation is not just something that happens only once. I am saved from all kinds of sin every single blooming minute of every day! Especially when icky thoughts float through my educated-idiot-box if I am irritable. That thing says stuff inside my head to the person who is annoying me: “If I give in to you, I am letting you win and there is no way you should win … because I don’t trust you!” Look at me, thoughts of reconciliation flowing about like a river! Hah! Fighting with YOU will not help ME overcome!!

That’s what this verse from Ephesians 6:12 is about. It is reminding us …“The weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty to the pulling down of strongholds.” 2 Corinthians 10:4. The war we fight daily, sometimes minute by minute, has nothing whatsoever to do with guns, spears, swords, or nuclear weapons – but it has everything to do with my own private thoughts … by the time that junk comes out of my mouth, I’m sunk!

If I let irritation with you pull up a chair in my private thoughts … then … all by myself, I can personally conjure up why you said what you said, and what you meant by it!   You did get the whole “conjure up” vibe right? I mean that junk floating about is not valid. It shows me that somebody else has been whispering to me:  “They said that because of this – and they mean this because of that!” That’s like one step away from necromancy and that stuff is bad news according to the bible. Saul lost his kingdom and his life to that sort of Chinese whispers because God did not answer the man according to his timetable. 

All of this fight is internal, and most definitely up close and personal! However, yielding my will to His, when I am in the middle of it, changes everything. When I choose to daily learn to give up quickly, and lay my life down for His sake, not yours …then He can make whatever He wants to make, out of it – and it is always good! Bye 🤗 

P 2754 A most valuable tool.

/ DVH

One of the most useful tools in my interpersonal toolbox is the one that says: “my response is my responsibility.”  I have found it can be much too easy to blame the way I am responding, or reacting, onto someone else’s actions. Maybe someone ticks me off, and instead of doing something (prayerfully) about it, I let it go because I am busy and I don’t have time to poke about in my feelings, or sort out your not-so-nice attitude toward me. What’s inside me, that has been stored up – so to speak, and it will eventually come out … usually at another person!

Unfortunately that kind of neglect buries any difficulties – it does not clear them up. Buried things have a tendency to rot away and stink! The next time you do something that ticks me off, I will have a less tolerant attitude toward your actions. If you keep on bumping into my ever increasing irritation, eventually – I could feel justified to snipe back at you. However, there is no ownership in those actions. I have unrealistically, farmed out my responsibility for my emotions onto you, because I am expecting you to pull up your socks and stop ticking me off! 

The only person in charge of the way I respond is ME! I would be far better off handing my irritation over to the Lord, and asking Him to help me with it, instead of stuffing it down inside me … making it a time bomb waiting to go off. I don’t have to say anything to you unless He says I should… I simply talk to Him and ask Him to adjust my inner ‘dial’ so that I am not so sensitive to the argy bargy stuff that happens in this life. I ask Him for more love and less impatience, and could He please show me what is actually going on inside me?

Babies are a perfect example of uncontrolled emotions. They cry and crank, mainly because they don’t have any language for how they feel. So someone comes and picks them up to soothe them. We have a society full of people who do not know how to handle their own emotions and soothe themselves. They keep waiting for someone else to do it, or they will throw blame everywhere. These people shrug off their own responsibility to manage their anger, rage, whinging, weeping, irritation and plonk it onto the people who are annoying them. It might be the wife and kids, it could be the government, or a neighbour, but I can guarantee that if you ask them, it  will always be someone else’s fault they are angry, full of rage, or sad etc. It will never be their fault. 

This life has bad things in it. People do truly dreadful things to each other and they are not only not sorry – they’ve let the aforementioned storm inside them build up to gigantic uncontrollable levels. We need to learn, with God’s help – how to manage our own responses and reactions. 

Repentance and ownership of my own flaws and faults must be like breathing. The bible clearly tells us that we don’t have to feel bad, or even less than somebody else;   because we know Jesus died for ALL our sins. And I’m not better than them either. I am not perfect myself, and, despite my feelings, I am not as excessively fragile as I think.

God put a fighter in all of us – we are designed for transformation, so we will have to fight our own human inclination to retaliate. I need to use His weapons of warfare. Those weapons I choose will transform my inner life so that it is not a litany of other people’s faults playing over and over and over again. That’s why I read the Bible, I am looking for Him, plus my own sin, not yours!

Today I want to look at those two men who were crucified right alongside Jesus. One man was bitter, the other became bigger. That second man was also suffering but he made hard choices at an incredibly difficult time. BTW, they both deserved their punishment.  

Luke 23:32, 33: “Two others, both criminals, were led out to be executed with Him. When they came to a place called The Skull  they nailed Him to the cross. And the criminals were also crucified—one on His right and one on His left… … 39-42 “One of the criminals hanging beside Him scoffed, “So You’re the Messiah, are You? Prove it by saving Yourself—and us, too, while You’re at it!” But the other criminal protested, “Don’t you fear God even when you have been sentenced to die? We deserve to die for our crimes, but this man hasn’t done anything wrong.” Then he said, “Jesus, remember me when You come into your Kingdom.”

Ownership of our own faults is imperative to becoming a mature Christian. We must transform our self-talk by digesting the bible. Instead of dismissing ourselves as innocent, we need to remind ourselves that there is nothing that happens to us that is not Father-filtered. We need to ask for more FAITH to overcome our human inclinations. 1 Corinthians 13 is not a dream … it is a reality, ready to enter our lives, if we live prepared to press in and value the tools He has given us. If I truly want to be free I will deal with ME. Bye 👋

P 2748 Faith is now our reset button.

/ DVH

Colossians 3:1-4: “Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, Who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with Him in glory.”

Colossians tells us that we have a clear focus – it’s a forever focus. Because of Jesus we have eternal eyes, so we can see what He sees. Now we see beyond the here and now, into whatever the Lord is doing – we don’t always understand … but we can learn. That broken-down car, or that angry person yelling at me, won’t bother me because now I am dead by choice. I’ve hidden myself in Him, under His blood, that made everything eternal possible.

This is what our PAST looked like — Colossians 3:7-10: “You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived. But now you must also rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips. Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator.” 

Because of what Jesus chose to do for me, to set me free, now I have the power to choose to actively get rid of the ghastly stuff of this world, that weighs me down. Colossians says: ‘rid yourselves …’ I think that shows us that we have work we must do – with the Holy Spirit’s help. Our old way to live is no longer compulsory. It’s gone. Now we have the power to overcome our old ways of thinking and doing. So we become focussed on getting rid of that stuff, step by step, as the Lord convicts and convinces us of sin. The old grouchy way of life still rears its ugly head, but we choose a different response. We do everything we do now, simply because we love Him. 

Currently, I am learning to identify, then take off those old clothes, the things that have been fashioned by this life … through my personal choices and experiences. Even the things I think I feel comfortable in — I deliberately put behind me. The Lord’s clothes seem to be difficult at first, as I learn to leave my old responses behind. Maybe these new clothes aren’t always smooth and silky, because in the past I carefully chose my clothes so they won’t irritate me. But choosing to follow Jesus means change and dealing with my irritation.

Anyway … here’s what the bible says to wear! Verses 12-14: “Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.”

That’s a much nicer wardrobe! But how does this happen? Do I pray a prayer and bingo bongo – suddenly I have this brand new wardrobe. Meh! Not-so-much. The transformation happens whenever I use my faith to obey and walk with Him, and listen to Him. I have to deliberately choose to change my behaviour, (my clothes) and continually remember that I will always need His help. Meanwhile, those old clothes can be like a siren calling out me to drown in my feelings!

Life happens to everyone. Someone else accidentally bumps into a pain deposit inside us and we realise we are still wearing an old coat of anger, or shame or hurt. Our new way to live means that we pray and step out of that boat of same old same old responses — and step onto the water of a new miraculous way to live. His way.

There is healing in His new clothes. We can walk out of things that seemed to be just our lot in life, and daily discover that Almighty God has a bigger plan for us. There is nothing quite like looking at a difficult situation, knowing full well that 6 months ago you would have had anger issues and now you don’t! The thing is we won’t care if someone else seems to win, or not, because as we walk with the King we start to see this life from His perspective. And that changes everything.

Living like this means we use our faith. We step out in faith, every single day. Faith feels odd when you first use it, it seems risky and scary —  like maybe people will have an advantage over me. However, using our faith brings us into a much bigger arena. Who knows what gift the Lord has put inside us to benefit others? Or what gift they may have that will bless us? Faith will now become our reset button. 🙌

“Wherever I go, Your hand will guide me; Your strength will empower me.” Psalms 139:10 TPT.

P 2725 Quit surviving and start thriving.

/ DVH

Almighty God is not going to adapt to our way of thinking. However, He has given us a Helper to help us to thrive in our new life – but we must learn to deliberately yield! Jesus Christ, and the way He lived His life here on earth, showed every one of us how to live. Personally, I have found that generosity toward other people and their actions, good or bad, opens the door to thriving.

This is why Christ came here … to DEMONSTRATE and ILLUSTRATE  how to live. I want to write those words demonstrate and illustrate over and over again … just to emphasise them! Jesus is God’s visual aid. He shows us that any human being can live like He did, simply because they have chosen to be devoted to Almighty God. The Lord came here, personally, to tell and show us the WAY God thinks. He released the power of heaven, so now we can choose to change the way we think and act. Try reading the gospels from that POV. Our gracious Heavenly Father will not adapt Himself to us and our self-centred ways… that is ill-informed theology … 

Instead, He sent His Son to live like we do. Christ more than succeeded in His appointed task. His death set us free from that prison of behaviour and attitudes we were stuck in – and He gave us a new life. A life of possibilities where we can now choose. The power of choice must never be underestimated. It provides a life where we are no longer alone, struggling to survive. Christ’s blameless death released the Holy Spirit and His Presence in our lives  provides us with the perfect clothing to wear every single day. Now, we need to choose to wear those clothes that the Holy Spirit has handpicked for us, joyfully! They are our wedding garments. 

Some of those clothes we’ve found we need, only become apparent because of PEOPLE. Some people are just simply “itchy and scratchy.’  Irritating people will be around us for this lifetime, as they generally, sometimes unwittingly, mess with our heads and hearts. These people can often be the people that are supposed to love us. People like this provide the irritation in our lives that will cause us to want to leave this world’s old garments behind and go looking in His Word for new ones! The truth is one of us has got to change, and most of the time, it probably won’t be them. We cannot change someone else’s behaviour, but we now have the power to change our response to their behaviour. 

When we choose to change our response, a new Person comes into our situation. The Holy Spirit. Forgiveness is never optional. Jesus had people who were difficult in His earthly life — some of them were family, and some were even His friends. He led a life of ongoing visible forgiveness. When we read “forgive one another as the Lord forgives you” – it can be easy to forget the punchline … WE don’t deserve forgiveness either! In my life there are times when I think people are like kryptonite. They can leave us on the floor, gasping for air. Unlike Superman, our Saviour laid His life down so now we have a way of escape.

If we want to go from surviving to thriving we will have to let go of the past, even if it was just 3 seconds ago! Then we need to deliberately choose to move on with the Holy Spirit as our Helper. The past is a trap. We have no control over it – it’s gone. And just like other people’s behaviour, it should have no place in our lives to influence us today. Here’s a little warning: we can say we forgive others, but the thing that will put a neon sign above the reality of that action in our lives, is a little word that often pops up – that person did it … “again.” That word ‘again’ is a sign post! Forgiveness always wipes the slate clean. God does not keep a record of wrongs so neither should we. 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8 “… love keeps no record of wrongs.”

His love, when it is active in our lives, consists of laying aside everything that happens to us, deliberately. Instead we choose Him and His ways simply because He is more important than anything else. This is how we love the Lord back! He gave us all – we give Him ALL.  As it says in Hebrews 12:1&2 “ …let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, …” Let things go. I have found there are times when it gets hard to swallow my pride, because I’ve let the darn thing grow into a large lump in my thoughts! That’s why the bible tells us to keep a watch over our thoughts.

We can be daily learning how to thrive, as we live this life for Jesus’ sake. That’s our purpose. Christ was incredibly generous to us, so now we choose to become generous to others. He died to Himself, so we die to ourselves. We know that nothing ever happens to us by chance – because the Holy Spirit is permanently watching over us to guide us into the good works the Father prepared for us before we ever arrived here. We have been designed to thrive, not just survive. 👋