
The other day I was listening to someone who made a very strong statement that really impacted me. I did not doubt their sincerity, when they prayed. Instead it utterly challenged me. “I’D RATHER DIE THAN LIVE WITHOUT YOU JESUS!” As usual I asked myself, could I pray that prayer right here and now, and mean it?
Hold onto your hat— my answer was — NO. Sigh. I like to be truthful with you about these things because otherwise we can get caught up in ideals and principles and nothing happens in real life. The thing is, I think I would be scared the Lord would take me up on it. Isn’t it amazing what we learn about ourselves through the most ordinary, unexpected circumstances? I really did hope that I could come up with a far better answer than that one, and I’m appalled at the things I don’t know about myself until I am confronted by the truth.
The above person’s honesty took my breath away and sent me spiralling into the wrong kind of sadness – disappointment in myself. By the way, my own answer is predicated on the fact that I love my family, I don’t want to cause them pain, plus I don’t think I’m ready to leave yet. Like all that is up to me! And… … there went my lofty ideas of faith, and following Jesus anywhere … … right out of the window! I’ve been in the valley of the shadow of death several times, and I was too busy praying to live, to even think about that kind of devotion. I am aware that we are to love Him so much that we can’t wait to be with Him.
However, Philippians 1:21 prodded me in the conscience. “For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain.” This was Paul’s permanent attitude. And eventually I remembered yet another a scripture, “I die daily.” The Apostle Paul faced death all the time, and he did not shrink back from it, instead it propelled him forward into more glorious opportunities to glorify Christ … through using his faith daily. The Apostle Paul, by the way, was a better person than I am, and that becomes increasingly obvious.
I want to pause and look at the other side of this coin. Galatians 2:20: “I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, Who loved me and gave Himself for me.” (Paul said that one too!) I don’t have to get there by myself, instead I need to use the faith He already gave me to believe what He said, because I am actually already dead in God’s eyes. Jesus took me to the cross with Him. Right! If I am already dead, then where do these snippy snappy remarks I find coming out of my mouth keep coming from?! It seems that I am living this life unaware of what was already done on my behalf. I’ve gone back to looking at this life as MY life, not His.
I cannot afford to sit on my hands and say to myself: “I prayed about my lack, so I’ve done my bit – over to you God.” That’s not relinquishment it’s fatalism! Nor can I, or anyone else around me (!), afford for me to sit about and wait for Him to ‘fix’ me. The underlying thought in that kind of mindset is this: ‘it is not my fault if I don’t change, because I prayed about it!’ It’s faith PLUS works. Actually in my opinion – it’s faith THAT works … all the time! My dedication to Him happens through my own choices, every day, from minute to minute. My bit is to turn whatever happens to me over to Him, and ask Him to show me what He wants me to do about it. Then I choose to do it, deliberately. That’s when I die … a teeny tiny little bit. But it grows.
I do not have to prove to Him that I love Him and want to be with Him, by I choosing His will over my own. Actually – the reality is this – HE already did that for me. And what’s more Jesus did that before I was born! If our enemy can’t get us to stop following Jesus, then he will beat us up over every misstep and mistake we make, until discouragement falls on us and we give up. BUT, even giving up can be a new beginning place. When we run out of effort, God is stronger than we can ever be and He will help us.
Instead of praying for me to die if I can’t love Him the way He deserves … I can start, right here, right now, to participate in that thought by choosing to die, in the little everyday things that irk me. ‘Not my will, but Yours, Lord.’ Living this way builds my spiritual trust in Him for bigger things.
Here’s an example of what that could look like: Someone is rude to me, instead of retaliating with a snappy reply, I take a breath, and ask for the Lord’s help and then I give a soft loving answer. I show the person who doesn’t seem to deserve it, kindness, instead of judgment. I can’t do this in my own strength, especially if I happen to meet 2 or 3 people in a row who get on my nerves… I know I will run out! However, when I run out of effort, that means I am eligible for HIS benefits because: ‘His strength is made perfect in weak people.’
Now I have discovered a way to walk minute by minute with Jesus. I am participating in His Grace for myself and giving it away – all at the same time. I will spiritually benefit from that participation and so will others. I don’t have to pray: “I’d rather be dead than live without You Lord,” I can show Him my devotion to that concept by appreciating what He did for me first, and then I can choose to deliberately pass on that GRACE exercising my faith, to everyone around me … even the grumpy nasty ones – every single day. If you let it, this blog will make you think. Bless you Bye. 👋


















