After yesterday’s blog I thought I was done with this subject, but the words — “train up a child…” kept rolling about in my heart and mind. I already had something I had planned to write on but when the Lord gets insistent, it is up to me to listen — so here goes …
“Train up a child in the way he should go, and when they are old they will not depart from it.” It seems to me that those two words, should go, are a key for good parenting. I have three adult children who are now very different people. There are still a few things they have in common, and praise God for His Grace, their faith is one of those things! However they all express that faith differently. Now they have embraced personally, for themselves, the same values that they were taught as babies..
I noticed these two words – “should go” – many many years ago, and I realized that because each child is an individual, a precious gift from our Heavenly Father, so there is a way He wants them to go. And a parent’s job is to prayerfully discern what that way looks like and guide the child accordingly. Parents have been given the often unrecognised job of teaching children to respect Him, them, and others, and to live this life aware that their life has meaning – simply because Jesus gave it to them.
Parenting is not just about having children, it is also about raising them to respect the Lord’s will. We are responsible to teach them about these things toward Almighty God and others. They don’t just need to know you pray — they need to see and hear you pray. And it is the same with reading the bible. They need to see parents pour over God’s Word, struggle with it, and write things down. Parents cannot afford to give away their responsibility to teach them. That generic grey world that many of us have embraced regarding faith, is not FAITH.
People need to train to be a rocket scientist or a marine biologist, because realistically speaking, they will need help to achieve those goals. Parents need to actively and interactively teach their kids as they go about their normal lives. As we embrace His guidance, to the extent that His teaching is completely and honestly visible in our lives – we will have something solid to stand on. Children need to see as well as hear.
Meanwhile, there are no expert parents because nobody else has a child like yours! And it is your task to ask the Lord to show you the way you need to specifically teach that child, His ways. God’s ways give us a comprehensive overview on how to approach this life. His Love needs to be experienced as well as spoken about. The Lord taught me that each child has a destiny in Him, and its parents have a huge influence on the way this child regards itself, even when it becomes an adult.
Sin is a part of everyone’s DNA until Jesus transforms us. However, when His sacrifice is applied into our lives, that takes us out of this world’s kingdom and introduces us into God’s kingdom. We are then spiritually reborn. Children can do this from an early age, one of mine was four, and even as an adult they have never faltered in their faith.
Parents need to pray together and pray with their children allowing everyone to participate. One of the best things we can teach our children is to relate to, and rely upon God’s guidance. The other is to be honest with them, and tell them you also struggle with the things that happen. We are not looking to give them perfect faith – we want to give them living faith. If kids don’t understand we are in a war, they will be swamped by what this world spews all over them. As parents we hope to become the home plate they can always gladly return to, no matter what happens.
In those early days the Lord told me what to do and how. This was back in the days when children were smacked. I literally had to teach myself to raise my kids from the scriptures, because my own parent’s style had been oppressive, aggressive, and my view of parenting had been drastically skewed by those experiences. It was tempting to simply do my best to avoid the very clear mistakes my own parent had made. The Lord kindly straightened me out, by explaining that if I did that, I was actually living in judgment of what they had done. So I repented.
It has always been astonishing to me that the very words I hated as a kid could come out of my own mouth … sigh … but they did. So I voluntarily entered a phase of forgiveness toward my parent, as I learnt that a child’s hatred can be powerful. I was not outwardly disobedient on purpose, but back then I was a seething mess of anger, hurt, resentment and rebellion inside. Eventually I withdrew from the offending parent to punish them, because they hadn’t treated me the way I thought I needed to be treated. I had to turn around and go back, under His instructions.
As a child, I thought that parents automatically knew how to be parents, they always seemed so sure of their actions, as well as strong and powerful. But when I became a parent I quickly found out that they don’t! Deliberately avoiding previous hurtful mistakes simply leads to new and different ones. Instead that stance becomes a judgment on your own parents and their parenting style. Our best choice is to live in a place of giving away Grace.
Ask the Lord to reveal to you and your spouse which way He wants each and every child you have in your care, to go. And let’s always focus on the fact that Jesus provided for everyone’s sins once and for all. No matter what happens, praise God, there is always redemption. Thank you Jesus! Bye. 👋.
