The bible tells us to “… above all, guard the affections of your heart, for they affect all that you are. Pay attention to the welfare of your innermost being, for from there flows the wellspring of life.”Proverbs 4:23. When I watch over my heart I am watching over who I am and what I produce!

Sometimes the hardest thing to watch over is our own heart. From my limited experience, other people often tread on someone else’s heart unknowingly. However, whoever started whatever has happened, if someone is offended, it means that there is something we both need to look at..Sadly, we can mistake somebody else’s motivation for evil intent, when the truth is this:… a whole lotta people are just big dummies, (like me), and they talk without thinking.

It goes without saying that forgiveness is the key that opens the door to understanding and reconciliation, but we all have people in our lives who are repeat offenders. So today I want to talk to the offended as well as the offender. Have you noticed how easy it is today to take offence? My first bit of advice to the one who is offended, is that forgiveness will require resolve, it will take self-discipline. There’s a happy thought! However, this is how we mature, and grow the fruits of self-control and patience…  by hanging on firmly to the VINE – true forgiveness is in that vine.

So we: “…set our mind on the things above.’ Colossians 3:2. Most growing points in our lives are a matter of forgiveness. The thing is, people aren’t doing whatever they did AGAIN – if we really forgave them in the first place! There may be some times when we read this bible stuff and say to ourselves, “yeah, yeah, great thought, but how do I do that?” I wish I had some snappy whizz bang methodology, that took care of our instant responses – but I don’t.

Here’s my advice for the one offended. My experience in this area of forgiveness has come down to two words – DO IT.  Don’t expect to feel good about it – just do it. Deliberately, and with great resolve, take authority over all the mean, niggly things you want to say to that offender, and ZIP IT. 🤐 When Jesus hung there silently on that cross for us. He gave us the power, by what He did, to shut up when we desperately want to put someone else in their place or comment on their behaviour.. 

Seriously, don’t give into your feelings for a minute, because you will find yourself circling the plug-hole going down for the last time! The bible says SET your mind because sort of kind of hoping the conflict will magically go away, will not work! Let me clarify this – we are changing an internal mindset in our lives, and doing that is not easy. Mindsets change when we consistently ask Him for His help,  use our faith, and keep our anger to ourselves. I say to myself: “I wanna be like Jesus and this is the Way to get there.” People who have no self-control haven’t totally realised what He gave us when He died for us. We already have forgiveness – LEARN TO SHARE. Read Romans! The more we die to self the more we gain!

Transformation takes hold when we find we can say something positive to the person who is jumping all over our last nerve. The bible says: “Bless those who curse you, do good to those who despitefully use you.”  Look, we are not talking about a walk in the park, we are talking about pressing into God until you forget what you were mad about! It IS hard! Hullo!! I say to myself at this point: “Oh there’s that thing that I am not going to remember, because it is a trap sent to distract me!”  That scripture from Colossians is not just a nice thought – it is an essential part of victorious Christian living! Why would we hand our enemy a loaded gun to shoot us? Disarm the gun.

Now to look at the offender: If something is your fault. If you opened your big mouth and hurt someone else and they tell you what you did … then don’t make excuses, and don’t give endless explanations… simply APOLOGISE. Humble yourself. You are not the judge of what hurts someone else! Actually we are not the judge of anything — read the book. Ask what you can do to make amends. People can easily forget that “I’m sorry” is not what the bible says. It says repent. Repentance involves humbling yourself and taking responsibility for what you did. Hurting someone else IS a big deal, because we don’t live by this world’s standards, now we live by His! And He clearly tells us not to make each other stumble.

Offending people is a big deal! I’ve met many people who say they are sorry, but they don’t go that one step further to usher in reconciliation. The aim of repentance is reconciliation. We need to remember that in this Christian life our hearts belong to Him. Father God takes this stuff seriously – it cost Him His life!  When people are mean to you they are being mean to His child. This means we need to pray for them!  Christ’s ministry is all about love and reconciliation, and that is our ministry now too. To live this way, it will help us to keep our eyes on forever, instead of just the here and now. Bye. 👋