In the Western world we have weird ideas about mourning and loss. We treat it like it is a terrible flu or something and other people stand by patiently waiting for you to get over it. If only. As if someone else knows how much grief is enough for you! The loss of someone close is not just a small thing – it can be devastating. I love the fact that in the Eastern parts of this world grief is allowed to be expressed, and passion for another person is not pushed away when they leave this world. Instead grief is expressed – loudly. I think that is quite healthy. Jesus told us that mourning is a blessing, so perhaps we need to revise our way of thinking. Grief is something we must go through, not avoid.

Grief comes in many different forms and has many different causes, like losing a career you love. Maybe you have been forced into a severely financially straightened life-stye. Perhaps you have been injured or ill, and you’ve lost your old way of life and you have to reinvent yourself. Or a much loved child has wandered so far away from everything good, right and worthwhile – you cannot even allow yourself to think about it… so your prayers turn into groaning. The bible says this for people who are so grief-stricken they can’t pray: “In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us through wordless groans.” Romans 8:26.

Thank God He is praying for us when we cannot!

There are also times that we can be suddenly dragged under into grief by things that have happened to people we love. Truly loving people means we share their sorrow. At the same time, other people’s actions and attitudes can also cause much grief. Or we can be greatly misunderstood personally, and not able to explain ourselves, and that causes the terrible pain of grief as well. Bin there, dun that! I think of grief as some sort of emotional drowning, and the surface of the water – where the fresh air is – seems too far away to reach and unachievable. Maybe we will never reach the surface again – that thought causes even more grief! Whatever the cause, grief, sorrow and suffering are all a reality, and we can get stuck there.

I have observed that grief weakens even the strongest people. I’ve known people who could not find their way out of a grief cycle. It was as if their grief was a terrible burden that horrible circumstances had tied to their backs. So they clung like mad to what they had lost, because their grief was all they had left! I’ve also known other people who carried their grief as proof of their love for someone else who has long since gone to their reward. Grief then becomes an unnatural tie that cannot easily be dealt with or resolved. How long is long enough to grieve?  I have no idea. I can only say that we need to pass through this process, one step at a time. If we hurry grief, we run the risk of postponing it – only to have it grab us by the throat unexpectedly.

What does God say about it? Actually grief made an appearance in the garden of Eden! We barely get to Chapter 6 of Genesis when this verse appears:“And the LORD regretted that He had made man on the earth, and it grieved Him to His heart.” It is too easy to pass off the Lord’s grief over mankind’s sin as something that He can absorb, because, after all – He’s God! But this verse teaches us something about Him, and us. The bible tells us that we are made in His image and we have shared characteristics with our Heavenly Father. That one line in Genesis shows us that under some circumstances, grief is normal – He feels it … we feel it. You can experience it after you have been betrayed. 

In Isaiah 53:4 it tells us that we can have grief because of our sin. “Yet it was our weaknesses He carried; it was our sorrows that weighed Him down. And we thought His troubles were a punishment from God, a punishment for His own sins!” Grief can be misunderstood, because our society hates pain of any sort – even the natural pain of aging! Unfortunately then we can easily miss the point of any grief we feel because of our own sin. That kind of grief is good. Grief, sorrow and suffering lead us to repentance. But at the same time we need to realise that because we feel those things, it means we have a tender heart.

In Matthew 5:4 Jesus says: “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.” And in Revelation 21:4 the bible says this: “He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.”

These two verses tell me that Almighty God has a plan for those who are not completely comforted in this life. One day He will wipe all those tears away, forever. That’s how important our grief is to Him – He has a plan and He will deal with it. We know that even Jesus Himself stood outside Lazarus’ tomb and wept – yet only minutes later, that man was resurrected. Personally, I see what happened to Lazarus as a sign that dead to this world is not really dead. People may be gone from this life, but they are not just plain GONE. We are eternal beings, made to live forever!

Lastly I want to mention a verse in Ephesians 4:30 that has great meaning for each of our lives because it involves the most sensitive and dearest Person Who truly cares for us: “Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by Whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.” The Holy Spirit totally understands grief, because people grieve His precious heart every single day. Seeking to cultivate His company is the greatest privilege we have been given, why would we cause Him unnecessary pain? We are blessed when we mourn, we learn that we are limited beings who need Him. 👋