Escaping

P 3394 Do you react or respond?

/ DVH

This subject has been a difficulty for many of us. If you have lived with a reactionary parent, you may find yourself reacting to antagonistic stimuli almost automatically. The people who illustrated this trait toward us, could also be our biggest source of distress, irritation and pain. Often the person who is led by this trait is impulsive, and they regularly need some sort of diversion. They live almost on the edge of their nerves and they have no peace in them permanently.

I think doing things on impulse can be great fun, I have done it myself … but doing it continually makes for an unstable, unsettled lifestyle. What I have written here is not aiming at criticism, it is simply my best illustration of what over-reaction can do. It can quickly destabilise situations and usher in instability for others. Someone with a temper might say: “That’s just me. I flare up, but I cool down again.” I’ve found when this situation happens to me, I’m often reacting to a perceived slight, or word out of place, rather than responding to whatever is really going on. Human beings need stability, that’s why the Lord Jesus is so incredible – “He’s the same, yesterday, today and forever.”  Hebrews 13:8. He’s stable.

The insecurity created by a reactionary response can foster a deep sense of fear of things being out of control. (PS It is much better if we leave Jesus in control – fighting for control leads us to a much darker path!) Because of my own upbringing, I had a huge need to study everyone, including those close to me, carefully. Purely because I was afraid of what might come next! So I learnt to read faces, and body language to help me deflect aggression before it started. That BTW, is still a reaction!

Reacting to a situation actually means something else, or someone else is controlling us. Something unforeseen has happened and we act defensively so we can cope but then we can easily be provoked further. I don’t want to get into a debate about whether this or that is right or wrong. Instead I think we give away our ability to rationally work our way through things when we react. It took me years to realise my reaction to someone else’s instability meant I was also reacting! But I did that stuff inside my head. I was simply managing and manipulating any potential ugly circumstances beforehand, so I could pacify or placate the difficult person or circumstances.

Father God has gently peeled back the layers of anger, despair and heartache, and He showed me that I wasn’t actually escaping, instead I was becoming just like the person who was treating ME like that! He began to teach me to respond instead of reacting. Reacting means we let someone else’s actions define or create a deficit in us. However, responding is about making a quality decision about our own situation or someone’s actions toward us. Reacting is much easier than responding – our feelings jump in and they are trying to control things we feel we can’t control any other way. We need to turn to Jesus, not a default system. Control in any form, and Christianity do not mix. 

Responding means you take a second to think about what is in front of you, and ask the Lord to give you His plan. Sometimes He says to me: “Just wait…”  One thing I’ve learnt is that some reactionary people don’t like waiting, they want the difficulty escalated or resolved, NOW! But responders assess, pause, and then they act. If we are having problems with a reactionary person, waiting can prompt the other person to get even madder. This type of person doesn’t like that potential silent space, it doesn’t fit their “accelerate into war,” or “fix it now” agenda. However, somebody else’s anger is not our problem. Instead we need to ask the Holy Spirit to help us say something soft to turn away that wrath that’s coming for us. 

I’m learning to say: “You really matter to me. Let’s not damage our relationship, instead let’s turn down the heat and talk about it quietly.” Responding means you have taken control of yourself, and your own feelings. This is one of the ways we can cultivate the fruit of self-control. Our feelings aren’t useless, they just don’t have good leadership skills, because they don’t make good decisions under pressure. I have learnt when I wait, that the Lord will give me a scripture to hold onto. It helps me to bolster my faith, and it gives me something concrete to stand on. It helps me with my own response. Confronting a reactionary person is not necessarily the best time to use that word as a sword. That might only escalate things. 

However responding treats the other person like they have rights too. Controlling others so we can feel OK about ourselves, and get what we want, is not a good Godly plan. The bible says we get our worth in Christ. Our value comes from what He has done for us. When we choose to pause, then we have some time to choose to how to respond under the Holy Spirit’s guidance. If we read the entire story about Christ’s torture, punishment and death, we can see that He chose to be silent in the face of blatant untruths. His response was to say nothing. Responders understand they have the power to make things better. 

Like the scripture says in my blog heading: “I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead. I PRESS ON …” Philippians 3:13,14a. Bye. 👋

P 3234 PAIN.

/ DVH

I have been a daydreamer since I was first conscious of my thoughts. Life was pretty tough when I was a child, so daydreaming became an easy, silent, escape route. I quite literally “built a world of my own.” Of course I was the star in that world. Well, they were my thoughts… so why not? This method of escaping reality … which, was at the time, blooming awful… became a habit. 

Sometimes I used to imagine what I could say to the people who were tormenting me. However, I didn’t say that stuff out loud, I was too scared. Let’s be clear —the pain I felt was always present and it was real! I couldn’t imagine that away … whether it was an angry parent, or my siblings, or teachers, or a boss who barely knew or liked me, or anybody else who didn’t like me! The pain of rejection was fierce, and I had been traumatised by it … so I chose to opt out of this life and live a life of distraction instead. Here’s the clanger…Jesus was standing there with me, loving me, while all this escapism went on. He wept with me, and for me, but I was too afraid of HIM punishing me like I was told He would. Man can be cruel.

Over the years I learnt that pain torments everyone, and anyone. However, now I am learning to ask the Lord to help me, when fear or rejection grabs me by my throat. Sin is common to man – we all do it to others… and we all have it done to us. Damaged people do daft things to cope! Pain can drill itself into our psyches, and the person in pain would do anything to avoid it. However, we really do need His help to stop judging each other and realise not one of us is better than another. We are all in pain, but our God has the Answer. PERFECT LOVE.  He wants to pour out that perfect love on us, and out through us, onto other people who are tormented by pain. Kindness is the first step to helping others.

The Lord has a Love that will not criticise or attempt to destroy someone else – His love only wants to do each one of us good. Just because we think we know what is good for us, that does not make us right! We all have limits. If you are suffering and you’ve adopted patterns that hurt others in order to stay safe, go to Jesus – repent, and ask Him for His help and His MERCY. His death brought mercy and grace into this world, for free. He has the power to walk any one of us through trauma and pain. Pain is like a barbed leather whip across the soul. I believe that’s why Jesus endured being beaten by those Roman soldiers — with that awful whip that was studded with nails! For us, to bring us healing.

This happened right before they killed Him, and He took those blows for every one of us. The bible says we all deserve punishment, but Jesus loves us so much He did what He did for us. Now He offers us transformation. It took me years to realise that being ‘fine’ is a lie — everybody’s broken — even the people who used to beat and abuse me. It is a bare-faced lie from our enemy that we are the only ones who don’t fit, and we shouldn’t be here, because we are a mistake. God Himself brought each one of us here. There’s simply no point in arguing with Him! His plans for our lives, are for our good and to give us a good forever future.

I know it can seem very scary to give away your life – but be honest with yourself.  What if Jesus asks you to do something you don’t want to do? Let’s fix that now shall we? HE WILL… but if you ask Him, He will give you the grace to do it. Meanwhile how are YOU doing, all by yourself with the life you are living? The very best way to stop living our lives tormented inside, is to put aside our own ways of thinking, doing, being, and even escaping! And go to the Lord Jesus and ask Him to save us from ourselves. 

Read the Gospels, and take note of the way He speaks to people. We can trust Him, He will not reject us. He is, now and forever, the God Who understands and chooses to stand with us. He chose to die to take satan’s power over us, away – from our thinking, our broken-hearts, our situations, so that now we can live this life free from torment and rejection etc. and live it the way He intended us to live it. Jesus Christ is our living hope. 

“We have this certain hope like a strong, unbreakable anchor holding our souls to God Himself. Our anchor of hope is fastened to the mercy seat in the heavenly realm beyond the sacred threshold, and where Jesus, our forerunner, has gone in before us. He is now and forever our royal Priest like Melchizedek.” Hebrews 6:19-20 TPT. Now we have a true priest Who is just like Melchizedek. Our precious Prince of Peace can’t be bought off, or scared off — unlike many other kinds of priests who have not been trustworthy. He is totally trustworthy! Jesus cannot be influenced in any way – except for our good.

When He suffered for us, He also suffered with us, AS us! He has perfect understanding of what it is like to be human. He knows the Way through to the other side of those things that torment us. He is our Redeemer Who can and will redeem anything. The way through pain is to give it to Him, not to try to work it out for yourself, surrender to the One Who is ‘altogether lovely’ and trustworthy. Please don’t take your pain out on everyone around you, whether they are the perpetrators or not. Salvation changes everyone and anyone.

Pain is vicious, it can destroy everything around it, but Jesus brings healing. “He came to bind up the broken-hearted, bring relief to the captives, recovery of sight to the blind, to set at liberty those who are oppressed – to proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord.” Amen. Bye 👋

P 2824 Hanging on by a thread …

/ DVH

I found this picture the other day and I my first thought was this – if I can identify with what it says… maybe someone else can too. Here’s a few lines in a song from a great movie – The Fighting Temptations, that sum up how hard life can be from day to day.

“I used to wake up some days And wish I’d stayed asleep ‘Cause I went to bed on top of the world Today the worlds on top of me. Now everybody’s got opinions  But they ain’t been in my position That it breaks my heart when I hear what they have to say about me, yeah Seems like I always fall short of being worthy ‘Cause I ain’t good enough – But He still loves me (but You still love me, Lord) I ain’t no superstar The spotlight ain’t shining’ on me ‘Cause I ain’t good enough (oh, no) But He still loves me…”

Not every day turns out to be a day when we will knock the proverbial ball right out of the park and end up on a high. There are days, that the stupid ball machine malfunctions and every ball lands on your head. I have those days and I have the bruises to prove it!  Meanwhile I’ve learned a thing or two along the way of desperation… It only seems like that kind of day/week/month/year is endless. Sorrow and suffering weigh us down, and they seem to slow down time. Plus emotional, mental or physical pain can render us inactive. 

People, in their efforts to help, may tell the suffering person to ‘cheer up, get over it, it will all be OK.’ But in those dark moments they may as well be speaking another language — because they sure don’t know how to speak the language of pain! I have found there are people who are decidedly unhelpful when it comes to difficult circumstances  — they would rather preach happiness AT you, than come and sit WITH you. Then the sufferer gets to forgive those cheery Charlies for their ineptitude, on top of feeling like they’ve been run over by a truck.

Pain is nobody’s friend, and nobody in their right mind stays deliberately in a bad frame of mind and heart – not when they know the Lord. Nobody gets depressed, temporarily or not, on purpose!  Some people have either forgotten their bad times, or they have a grand happy solution that simply will not fit into your situation. “Just do this and all will be well,” they say. Yeah, yeah, great. Hmmmm. “Please go away now, my ears have stopped working.”

It is a good thing to try to limit your exposure to these happy enforcers, especially if they annoy the living daylights out of you. They seem to have an endless barrage of utterly useless thoughts .. like: “There are many people so much worse off than you are.” And how, pray tell, is that meant to help me? Should I feel sorry for them, as well as struggling to breathe? Christians do struggle – this life can be terribly hard! Sin is still rampant in this world and we have an enemy who wants to target us whenever he can. That other guy does not want us to believe and stand up! he wants us lying on the floor counting the ceiling tiles. 

Now let’s look at the fact that when Jesus said: “Cheer up” …  the power of God was present in His Words to overcome the situation! We need to remember sometimes it can be impossible to cheer-up without supernatural help. Sadly there also times when any one around us can lack compassion for someone who is suffering. The thing is, life itself is weighing this person down, and they are drowning in their own sorrows. These things are real … not over exaggerated or imagined! Personally at those times I pray for truck-loads of MERCY for that other person. You know, sometimes there is more to be gained by living through those dark moments, than there is by escaping.

Sadly, sometimes the way we feel about people we don’t like, or someone who has deliberately hurt us, when they get sick or hurt etc., those reactionary thoughts are a fantastic personal diagnostic tool. Our immediate responses can take the inner temperature on the condition of our hearts, and whether we should repent or not. Those unsympathetic symptoms we feel, mean we are going to need lots of His GRACE right alongside MERCY and compassion, ASAP. I like to remember that the bible says God will supply all our needs, so I ask for what I need …which is mercy, grace and compassion.

The woman in the bible with an issue of blood had the right attitude for recovery from her pain. She just kept right on pressing through the crowds to grab at His hem. Meanwhile, imagine the noise, the dirt, plus the feet nearly stepping on her! She had to crawl to get her answer! We have this kind of power on someone else’s behalf — to crawl through the noise and heartache to bring healing and comfort. Kindness and understanding are the vehicles that can transport someone out of their negative focus and into His Love. We can always go to God on their behalf.

There are times when anyone can end up feeling spiritually flattened by their circumstances, as if they are hanging on by a thread. In those times if we cannot press through to grab at the hem of His garment, then we will need the Body of Christ to intercede for us. Human beings always need grace, mercy, peace, kindness, patience etc. far more than anything else, we need those things for ourselves, and others… Bye. 👋


“For the mountains may be removed and the hills may shake, But My lovingkindness will not be removed from you, Nor will My covenant of peace be shaken,” Says the Lord Who has compassion on you.”Isaiah 54:10.