cancer

P 3054 Opting out.

/ DVH

Do you ever want to go back to bed, and hide under the covers? I get like that occasionally too. When I was working, eons ago, back in the ark, there were no ‘doona days.’  You were sick or you were there! Mental health did not rate a mention.

Recently I discovered that I have a previously unknown default position when it comes to pain, heartache, stress and strain. I’ve learnt that what seems to be normal day after day—may not actually BE normal! And what seems to be a part of who you think you are – may not be the real you after all! Sometimes we simply adapt our behaviour to fit in and cope with life’s difficulties. 

My mother died a week ago. She was 97, almost 98 years old. At the end she had cancer and awful pain. However, other people’s expectations of my response to this sad situation showed me that I apparently wasn’t grieving enough. Everybody I spoke to seemed to think I should be distraught and practically paralytic. They were, of course, being very sympathetic and kind at the same time, but I constantly felt like I was giving the wrong response to their sad, empathetic faces.

So I got stuck between their expectations, and my own reactions. In those moments I was incredibly grateful for all the intercessory prayer that came my way  … but, to be honest, I simply wanted everything about it all to just go away! Yesterday, the Lord Himself helped me, and I want to share here what I’ve learned from Him — in case somebody else finds my little story resonates with them.

I’ve learnt no matter how hard we try, we can all get stuck. Maybe you may have been stuck in something that put a ceiling on your growth because you’ve labelled some things as too hard. I know I’ve done that! My ‘ceiling’ kept telling me how much I could manage … then my own judgement of myself kicked in, and pointed out that anything over and above that, was just “too much and too hard.“

I’ve been in the land of ‘too much ’ for a week or so, since she died. But then a very sweet palliative care lady took the time to explain to me that there is no right way to grieve. We are all individuals and what seems right to me may not be right for you. Everybody’s got a story… What this lady said was such a relief!! Sometimes my own ideas of right and wrong, seem to overpower whatever the Lord is saying to me, and the result is I zone out and become deaf spiritually. However, the Holy Spirit has been incredibly gracious, He persevered with me.

The Lord gave mum and I two very sweet years at the end of her life, when I was able to tell her sincerely that I dearly loved her, and she returned that affection very vocally toward hubby and I. What a blessing that was! The more I talked to the Holy Spirit, the more I realised that He had helped me complete everything He wanted me to do for her.

It can be hard to cope when your sole parent is the most difficult person in your life, simply because you are very different people. During these last days, we forgave each other, and we also had fun and laughed together. So the reason I wasn’t weeping all the time, was that I had nothing to cry about, our situation had been turned around, and … praise God, I know where she is now! 

Hubby and I spent a lot of time talking to her about the Lord and how much He loves her. Although she is no longer here with us, something I had longed to see for 52 years, had finally happened. I’d been praying and hoping that my mother and I would both get to a new place at the same time! The Holy Spirit wonderfully answered me, and He did it all without any help from me! 

I know a happy ending may not occur for everyone, but today I wanted to share that there are also times that it can. I want to pass on the hope that even seemingly impossible situations can be turned around. Our God has a plan. We don’t always understand what He is doing, because our eyes have been dimmed by the sorrow and suffering of this world.

Opting out of dealing with difficult things means we are left with unanswered questions, and He is much too kind and loving, to want us to live with the terrible pain of loss, and things being unsaid, and unresolved. The land of regret is a terrible place. He knows the right moment for you and your loved one to reconcile. Bye. 🙌

“To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:..” Ecclesiastes 3:1a.

P 3014 On our trip.

/ DVH

Today, I just want to tell you one story – it’s about a single family. While we were on the road, we heard story after story of dreadful hardship, and it was overwhelming each time. BTW, all the government agencies are totally swamped, the need is so great. By the time we got to our last stop, we were so tired. We went to that destination to drop blankets and food into a men’s shelter. 

As we drove into our accommodation, on the right hand side of our cabin, there was a family. They were packing up to leave. They did not have a car, or even suitcases – everything they owned was in a series of medium sized plastic containers, and they were moving and stacking them away from the unit door. These containers each had labels on them with a person’s name on it. The Lord spoke to my heart and said: “These people are homeless – they have nothing, and nowhere to go.”

It transpired that the managers of the place had given them 4 nights to stay there for free — it had been so bitterly cold they took pity on them. But now this nice couple were caught because they didn’t own the facility, they managed the property for someone else and their employer would not have been happy that they let them stay for free.The family was quite literally moving on and they had nowhere to go. We started to pray. We didn’t even unpack, hubby went to talk to the father. 

Every single thing they owned was in those plastic containers.They also had a tent, and had been previously camping by the river, but it became too cold for them to continue to do that, because the two youngest kids were fairly small. The little girl was about 4 or 5, and still in nappies. the other child about 6 years old. He had a fishing pole and he was practicing casting about, presumably hoping to catch fish. The Lord said: “He is trying to help.” 

Hubby quickly ascertained that they had called some relatives for aid, but they were uncertain anyone would come because their extended families were as financially strapped as they were. Then he told the father that we were giving away blankets and food and asked if they needed anything? The father nodded and told hubby he would take 2 blankets and we also gave them all the food we had for the men’s shelter. Hubby queried the man gently about only taking 2 blankets, and only then he said 4 would be better. 

My dear husband emptied his wallet to provide them with some money, because they had no funds at all. He prayed for them, and hugged the wife, who was weeping and weeping. The little girl was attracted to him, she kept wanting to shake his hand. We’d bought a cute stuffed toy, as a gift for someone, and the Lord indicated it was to be given to her. She was so excited about it, and carried it around.. I’m pretty sure there weren’t many stuffed toys in their boxed belongings! 

We asked them what else they needed etc. and then we went off to the shops to get things like milk and nappies. Plus we also managed to replace the food and blankets we were originally taking to the men’s shelter! Then the little family went and settled down outside to wait. Their husband informed mine that someone was coming along to collect them all … eventually.They had a teenage boy with them who had attached himself to the group. He had just lost his mum, and this sweet couple, who already had a lot of things to deal with, took him in. 

Before we left them, hubby gave the younger children little books. Their mother started reading to them about Jesus right away. The Lord was quite clear with us, He told us what we could do, and what we could not. So we just did what He said, and prayed – lots. Because we were just passing through, we could not solve their entire problem.

The money hubby gave to this family was not spare. We couldn’t afford to buy all that extra stuff either — but almost immediately, somebody put funds in our account and God provided for us – and them! Plus we were also able to witness to the manager and his wife and commend them for their generosity. The family was gone the next day.

Nobody sets out to be homeless, without a job or money, but life happens to all of us. “But You, O God, do see trouble and grief; You consider it to take it in hand. The victim commits himself to You; You are the Helper of the fatherless.” Psalm 10:14. “Rich and poor have this in common: The LORD is the Maker of them all.” Proverbs 22:2. Bye. 👋

P 2959 Thank God for the brethren!

/ DVH

Our God is always amazing, and so are His kids. However this week has been just plain terrible at our house! My 97 year old Mum was diagnosed with cancer out of the blue. She has been merrily making plans to reach 100, when she had a hiccup and was bundled off to hospital. The tests they did showed that she is actually very ill.

When someone is 97 you really don’t expect they will live forever, down here, but the finality of that diagnosis was completely confronting for me. She’s as cheerful as ever, if not slightly confused, but able to communicate quite well. On the other hand, I’m not at all cheerful about it. Yet at the same time I have been thanking the Lord over and over again for helping us to restore our relationship into something that is much better than it has ever been before. Fortunately, thanks to modern medicine, so far she is not suffering.

This is one of those situations that you don’t know how you will feel until you get there. Yet I keep giving the whole thing to the Lord, over and over again. The result has been that everything seems OK — and then it isn’t — and I never know when “it isn’t” is going to turn up!  I’ve been struggling with the seriousness of the situation, and how to help her and do whatever is necessary. So I take it back, worry over it, try to figure it out — then I give it back to the Lord again. Only to take it back ten minutes later. Double mindedness is appalling, it has a high cost in mental health!

I really do credit any semblance of sanity I have right now to my family’s prayers, and I include my brothers and sisters in Christ in that statement – they are definitely my family too. We cannot ever underestimate the power of intercessory prayer on our behalf. Yesterday, I saw it powerfully in action, again, regarding ongoing damage to our home. Cyclone Alfred messed up a lot of people’s homes, there was flooding and major damage all over the place. If that happens to be you, you have my prayers and deep sympathy. At our house that extremely unfriendly weather system caused a floor in one room a whole lot of damage. The problem is not the damage, which will be fixed … eventually… 

…the problem is getting it fixed! Plus the 4,000 proposed ways to do it. Then comes paying for it! Our insurance company trotted out the whole ‘existing problem’ clause, so that was that. Picking one of the many ways to go ahead seems to have overloaded my brain, which keeps skiving off into grief. Fortunately my dearest hubby is brilliant and steadfast, and he has prayed extensively about this situation. Under any circumstances, two really are better than one! I don’t usually write much about stuff like this, but I fell headfirst down a figurative mine-hole and I have quite simply needed other people’s prayers to deal with my mental and emotional responses, because I just can’t manage this stuff without Jesus.

I decided to share these things here, because this is the kind of scenario that can derail us. Simply because it is unexpected. And to be perfectly honest with you, I’m so sick of the whole “I’m fine” Christian-ese stuff we all feel obligated to cough up. So I decided to drop the positive attitude facade, and just be honest with you. I’m NOT fine … but I know He will get me through this. One of the things I wanted to say today was, when bad stuff happens – don’t be too proud to ask for help.

Today I have a bit more clarity, and I’ve been able to surrender everything that is going on to the Lord … and leave it there. Hubby has come up with a great plan, and he has been just marvellous with my mother. You know, sometimes it is not what has happened that gets you, its the overwhelming varied endless advice, and never-ending meetings and discussions. 

I can’t imagine what I would do if my mother had not made her own wishes clear. Nobody wants to hear “not to be resuscitated’ over their parent, no matter how long they’ve been alive. My brain gets it, but my emotions have been screaming: “You’ve got to save her.”  Plus even though a flooded floor is minor in comparison, it seems major right now because of the endless conjecture on how it can be fixed. I have been reduced to taking one minute at a time, because my thoughts and emotions have decided they do not have to consult me about anything!

Two days ago I was crying in the dentist chair. It hurt, but it wasn’t that bad! When you are already physically depleted by ongoing health issues, these kinds of battles batter at your faith, and planning a funeral was not on my agenda! So here I am, with His strength as the ONLY source in my weakness. Plus I am very grateful to the people who are currently holding my arms up.

Lastly I would like to ask for forgiveness if I have hurt anyone while they were going through something that overwhelmed them to the point of despair. I honestly didn’t completely understand how quickly the ground can go from under your feet. “Even when bad things happen to the good and Godly ones, the Lord will save them and not let them be defeated by what they face.” Psalm 34:19. Bless you guys, you know who you are! 🙏

P 2933 Joy is not just happiness.

/ DVH

I’ve learnt this truth from experience, even as I have grown older. When I was about 40 years old, I was misdiagnosed with liver cancer and told I had 6 weeks to live. To confirm that diagnosis I had to undergo a series of large needle biopsies to find the whereabouts of the cancer. A biopsy means you have a local anaesthetic into the area to start with, and then they poke a hole in the liver. If you’ve ever had a biopsy you will know what I mean. 

So the consultant did the biopsy and phoned for results. Negative for cancer.. So she did it again – negative. Apparently it is dangerous to repeat this test over and over, yet they did it 18 times on me, that day. My liver consultant, on the phone, insisted they were missing what he wanted, and he made the female consultant do it again and again, and the results all still came back negative. Even experts can be wrong. At the same time I had to lie perfectly still while they did this test.

After 18 times, the specialist consultant was crying, and so was I .. silently. Tears were pouring down my face but I couldn’t sob or cry out loud because the liver is a vascular organ, it bleeds very badly. So poking holes in it meant I could haemorrhage if I moved, so I had to lie still. In the end I heard this lovely lady yelling at the liver specialist that there was nothing there and she refused to take anymore specimens. Boy was I grateful!! 

They trundled me back to the ward, to lie on my side, doomed to lay there, absolutely still, for at least 8 hours. Fortunately the liver clots quite quickly, but because mine was not functioning properly it was more of a problem. The various liver specialists were so convinced that I had cancer, I had to have a major operation, so they could actually see the liver. It turned out I did not have it, I had an auto immune disease. That’s also when I learnt that joy is not necessarily happiness, because that was when I found out I needed a liver transplant!

Now, let’s look at a commentary, in Isaiah, about Jesus’ suffering: “I GAVE My back to the smiters, and My cheeks to them that plucked off the hair: I hid not My face from shame and spitting. For the Lord God will help Me; therefore shall I not be confounded: therefore have I set My face like a flint, and I know that I shall not be ashamed. He is near that justifieth Me; who will contend with Me? Let us stand together: who is Mine adversary? Let him come near to Me.”Isaiah 50:6-8.

The full details of the Lord’s crucifixion appear in Matthew 27, Mark 15, Luke 23 and John 19. Those details reminded me today of that particular day in my own life, long ago. It powerfully reminded me about how hard it must have been for the Lord to keep still as He let them beat Him, shredding the skin off His back. Then they shoved those awful thorns into His dear head, pulled out His beard, and hammered those huge nails into His hands. He did not cry out in pain – the bible tells us He was silent as a sheep is going to the slaughter. He did not choose to retaliate against His tormentors or try to escape.

When the Lord reminded me about that time of difficulty I had, long ago, I remembered all I wanted to do was escape! Imagine the level of self-control Jesus must have had, the love, the patience, despite severe provocation, and the injustice of it all! My consultant, a perfect stranger, kept yelling down the phone: “This is not fair, it’s torture.” But Jesus had nobody to speak for Him. He LET those soldiers carve our names into the palms of His hands with those huge nails. He could have called for angels. Angels were present at His birth. But in this terrible process they were absent. He kept silent and still, and endured the cross because He could see all of mankind on the other side of it. I said all that to say this: “For the joy that was set before Him He endured the cross.” Hebrews 12:2.

WE are His joy! His sacrifice made our transformation possible when He let those soldiers do what they were doing, even though they were tormenting and torturing Him beyond our imagining. Joy comes from completing the Father’s will. You know, the Lord Jesus did not deserve what happened to Him. It was deliberate, a malicious spite-filled action filled with hate, murder, rage and jealousy and death. 

Pilate himself did his best to walk that huge surge of evil, murderous emotion in the crowd, back. … But the Jews were determined. At the same time their prognosis of Jesus’ purpose was wrong! The same people who cheered Him and sang “hosanna”and threw their coats down in front of the donkey He was sitting on … cried out; “Crucify Him.” A week later!

Human beings are often evil, fickle and selfish, and despite all our best efforts we are often very wrong. As Christians we must learn to be pliable within His hands… even as we pray and believe for deliverance and release from any captivity. Almighty God promised us all far more than a nice car, a house, a good job, a perfect spouse, plus intelligent perfectly healthy kids!… He promised He’d make us like Him!🤔 JOY is not the same as happiness – happiness comes and goes. .

Happiness is this world’s answer to everything. True Joy is a fruit of the Holy Spirit. That fruit grows in the face of sorrow and suffering. It grows even when you lose someone you dearly love, or someone betrays you, or even if the doctor is totally wrong. It grows as we let Him rule and reign in our lives. Bye. 👋