Assess

P 3433 Entitlement.  

/ DVH

Entitlement. Now there’s a buzz word in today’s world. A  lot has been said about the younger generations who are responding to this life differently than we did. Many older people think these young people live entitled lives. Here is my idea of balance:  they are facing a different world to the one we grew up in. I can’t afford to assess their responses by my own experiences or standards, they don’t apply. 

I didn’t have an Xbox, or TV the size of a wall, or Co-Vid, bird flu, or trolls on social media facing me. It was quite safe for me to leave my house after dark, and I could leave my front door open and people would still knock. Life whizzes by, and many many things are changing at an incredible rate — the impact of those changes cannot be judged by yesterday’s standards — and yet they can affect the way we view this world and the people in it, today.

Actually, they shouldn’t be judged at all, that’s not our role – it’s HIS. But let’s move past that obvious fact, onto today’s  point. Entitlement isn’t just a problem for our youth. People my age have unrealistic expectations too. The thing is we simply cannot afford to look at this life through our own eyes. We need a filter – the bible is that ever-present active filter. I cannot stress strongly enough how important it is for Christians to know the bible. This book needs to be written inside us. We are simply fooling ourselves if we are not coming from the Lord’s perspective.

It is much too easy to become selective about what parts of His book, we choose to read, or even believe. In 2 Timothy 3:1-5&7 there is a prophetic prediction, that seems to be becoming more and more accurate in our world today:  “But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God— having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with such people … … always learning but never able to come to a knowledge of the truth.” 

It is important to realise when we read verses like these, we must not excuse ourselves, by explaining away our own behaviour. Instead we need to ask ourselves: ‘Am I always learning but I haven’t arrived at practising my knowledge of the truth? Am I satisfied with theories, not spiritual life-skills?’ Unfortunately that one attitude can be quite easy to hold onto. So can an entitled attitude: “Jesus wants to make my life happy.” He will, but not necessarily in the way we imagined!

“But when they measure themselves by one another and compare themselves with one another, they are without understanding.” 2 Corinthians 10:12b. Jesus is always the only standard, not us. He will judge this world, not us. We aren’t qualified to do it. Only the One Who paid the ultimate price on our behalf can judge mankind. The sad truth is we are often way too busy excusing ourselves, to be in a fit state to judge anything. The way to read verses like these, is line by line, asking the Holy Spirit to show us where we have missed His mark. Dismissing or overlooking stuff arbitrarily, is a huge mistake.  

So let’s take a really quick look at Timothy.: “But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days.”  Sadly, it is not too hard to put a tick on that one, I just need to look around me at the way people treat each other. “Lovers of themselves” … every time I choose me, my ideas, my feelings above His or yours, I am not choosing to do things His way. “Lovers of money …” There is this crazy theory that if you don’t have money this doesn’t affect you. Rhubarb. It’s when you don’t have it that you desperately chase after it. The people who love money don’t have to be rich! On we go: “…boastful, proud, abusive …”  

… Let’s look at Matthew 5:22: “You’re familiar with the command to the ancients, ‘Do not murder.’ I’m telling you that anyone who is so much as angry with a brother or sister is guilty of murder. Carelessly call a brother ‘idiot!’ and you just might find yourself hauled into court. Thoughtlessly yell ‘stupid!’ at a sister and you are on the brink of hellfire. The simple moral fact is that words kill.” FYI, Jesus said that. The bible will assist us to read itself, let’s just be open to its correction. He makes these things impossible without the Holy Spirit’s help… that’s the point!

I haven’t got room to talk about all 6 verses, but I would like to end on this note and highlight one more verse. Verse 5: “…having a form of godliness but denying its power…” That’s self-explanatory and it dismisses the whole: “I can’t live like that. I’m too hurt, sad, mad, bad, indifferent to do it.” We can’t afford to excuse ourselves from obedience. Like I said, these may not be not our favourite verses… but they are necessary, for godliness, life and healing. The power of God has been given to us, at great cost — it is here to help us with our inner thoughts and attitudes.

What Paul says to Timothy brings us quickly back down to earth again. We stop judging and feeling entitled – pity wells up inside us, and suddenly we find that we have compassion for other people who aren’t perfect either. Our sense of entitlement, that me first, last, and always attitude—bites the dust and what comes out is: “Please forgive me Lord.” Bye.🙏.

P 3394 Do you react or respond?

/ DVH

This subject has been a difficulty for many of us. If you have lived with a reactionary parent, you may find yourself reacting to antagonistic stimuli almost automatically. The people who illustrated this trait toward us, could also be our biggest source of distress, irritation and pain. Often the person who is led by this trait is impulsive, and they regularly need some sort of diversion. They live almost on the edge of their nerves and they have no peace in them permanently.

I think doing things on impulse can be great fun, I have done it myself … but doing it continually makes for an unstable, unsettled lifestyle. What I have written here is not aiming at criticism, it is simply my best illustration of what over-reaction can do. It can quickly destabilise situations and usher in instability for others. Someone with a temper might say: “That’s just me. I flare up, but I cool down again.” I’ve found when this situation happens to me, I’m often reacting to a perceived slight, or word out of place, rather than responding to whatever is really going on. Human beings need stability, that’s why the Lord Jesus is so incredible – “He’s the same, yesterday, today and forever.”  Hebrews 13:8. He’s stable.

The insecurity created by a reactionary response can foster a deep sense of fear of things being out of control. (PS It is much better if we leave Jesus in control – fighting for control leads us to a much darker path!) Because of my own upbringing, I had a huge need to study everyone, including those close to me, carefully. Purely because I was afraid of what might come next! So I learnt to read faces, and body language to help me deflect aggression before it started. That BTW, is still a reaction!

Reacting to a situation actually means something else, or someone else is controlling us. Something unforeseen has happened and we act defensively so we can cope but then we can easily be provoked further. I don’t want to get into a debate about whether this or that is right or wrong. Instead I think we give away our ability to rationally work our way through things when we react. It took me years to realise my reaction to someone else’s instability meant I was also reacting! But I did that stuff inside my head. I was simply managing and manipulating any potential ugly circumstances beforehand, so I could pacify or placate the difficult person or circumstances.

Father God has gently peeled back the layers of anger, despair and heartache, and He showed me that I wasn’t actually escaping, instead I was becoming just like the person who was treating ME like that! He began to teach me to respond instead of reacting. Reacting means we let someone else’s actions define or create a deficit in us. However, responding is about making a quality decision about our own situation or someone’s actions toward us. Reacting is much easier than responding – our feelings jump in and they are trying to control things we feel we can’t control any other way. We need to turn to Jesus, not a default system. Control in any form, and Christianity do not mix. 

Responding means you take a second to think about what is in front of you, and ask the Lord to give you His plan. Sometimes He says to me: “Just wait…”  One thing I’ve learnt is that some reactionary people don’t like waiting, they want the difficulty escalated or resolved, NOW! But responders assess, pause, and then they act. If we are having problems with a reactionary person, waiting can prompt the other person to get even madder. This type of person doesn’t like that potential silent space, it doesn’t fit their “accelerate into war,” or “fix it now” agenda. However, somebody else’s anger is not our problem. Instead we need to ask the Holy Spirit to help us say something soft to turn away that wrath that’s coming for us. 

I’m learning to say: “You really matter to me. Let’s not damage our relationship, instead let’s turn down the heat and talk about it quietly.” Responding means you have taken control of yourself, and your own feelings. This is one of the ways we can cultivate the fruit of self-control. Our feelings aren’t useless, they just don’t have good leadership skills, because they don’t make good decisions under pressure. I have learnt when I wait, that the Lord will give me a scripture to hold onto. It helps me to bolster my faith, and it gives me something concrete to stand on. It helps me with my own response. Confronting a reactionary person is not necessarily the best time to use that word as a sword. That might only escalate things. 

However responding treats the other person like they have rights too. Controlling others so we can feel OK about ourselves, and get what we want, is not a good Godly plan. The bible says we get our worth in Christ. Our value comes from what He has done for us. When we choose to pause, then we have some time to choose to how to respond under the Holy Spirit’s guidance. If we read the entire story about Christ’s torture, punishment and death, we can see that He chose to be silent in the face of blatant untruths. His response was to say nothing. Responders understand they have the power to make things better. 

Like the scripture says in my blog heading: “I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead. I PRESS ON …” Philippians 3:13,14a. Bye. 👋

P 2409 Better than … !

/ DVH

““Don’t bargain with God. Be direct. Ask for what you need. This isn’t a cat-and-mouse, hide-and-seek game we’re in. If your child asks for bread, do you trick him with sawdust? If he asks for fish, do you scare him with a live snake on his plate? As bad as you are, you wouldn’t think of such a thing. You’re at least decent to your own children. So don’t you think the God Who conceived you in love will be even better?” Matthew 7:7-11 MSG.

We all know these verses, actually, in some places they have almost been enshrined! This scripture is not about our rights, or what we can gain – I believe it is actually about God revealing Himself. He is explaining that He is far better than any earthly father! Further on, in conjunction with these verses, He makes it clear that He will always give the Holy Spirit to those who ask for Him. He is explaining His total commitment to generosity. Our problem is this … do we believe Him?

Father God is saying if we want something from Him we can ask for it in a direct manner. We don’t need to exchange favours with Him to get His attention … because we already have His favour! Thank you Jesus! These verses are about us misjudging Him on the basis of life-experiences and observations. I want to say that there have been times that God has given me something that looked, to my eyes – like sawdust, or a snake – But. I. Was. Wrong! 

Our God thinks long term. What seemed bad to me at that time was actually a blessing in disguise. Everything depends on the way we view things. We must simply start from the premise … God is always good … otherwise we can fall down endless sink-holes of despair and disappointment. He cannot be our last resort – He must be the place we start, by having great confidence in His nature.

We need to live with the joyous expectancy that He is so much better than our own current experiences, or even our past ones. Living a life of faith means leaving room for our own growth. Always. None of us have arrived. The point is we dare not assess God with human standards. Personally I think we are on thin ice assessing Him AT ALL! Let’s just believe He is Who He says He is, and He will do what He says He will do. Remember our confidence is in WHO HE IS  … His nature … not in getting what we think we want or need – no matter how compelling our story is.

It seems to me that Father God’s heartache is revealed in these verses. It saddens me to think we have reduced any revelation of the Lord Himself into a method to get Him to do what WE want … by quoting Himself back to Him! These verses are not about that. At the bottom of what has been said in Matthew, I hear His disappointment with our response to His goodness. I feel like He is saying: “Surely you think I would be better than you?!” And sadly many Christians would rather trot out their disappointments and illustrations of unanswered prayer, as proof He is not! 

Many times we have even concocted arguments that prove that our request was not unworthy – so why hasn’t the Lord done His part? After all we prayed! I would like to know where is the LOVE the bible talks about in that approach? I mean the kind of love that hopes all things, believes all things and never fails? Those verses in 1 Corinthians 13 are not a one way street – God Himself is describing how He sees love. What it means to Him. This is His standard, if you like, of what LOVE looks like! This is also how HE would like to be treated. Again, He is revealing Himself.  Part of any relationship is seeing the other person’s POV – and acknowledging it by acting accordingly.  

Almighty God is telling us that we can ask whatever we want with confidence and He will not only hear us but He has the best answer in mind every single time. Does NO mean we will go on to doubt Who He is? Little children hate no, but real people of faith are always looking for better than. And they already know that waiting will stretch them. We must stop chasing His benefits and go after His heart.

These verses are His better than answer. His love is better than any father who tricks or tries to frighten His kid. Almighty God does not play around with our feelings. We definitely need to know Him better than that! The Lord never wants His kids to feel tricked or scared – He wants them to know, in their hearts, that He is so trustworthy they can have complete confidence in His answers. Psalm 39:7 says this: “And now, God, I’m left with one conclusion:  My only hope is to hope in You alone!”Um! …I’m pretty sure our Heavenly Father doesn’t want to be our booby prize!  I think He wants to be our better than … Our constant ongoing hope no matter what!!   🤗