Apologise

P 2995 Controlling our mouths …

/ DVH

…is actually the biggest part of our daily battle … because speaking well of people is essential for our new language of love, so we all need to learn it. After all, the spirit of self-control needs to set its fruit somewhere … why not our tongues?

“Do not LET any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” Ephesians 4:29. Here’s something I’ve learnt about myself that may benefit someone else. Sometimes the best response to something negative someone else says to you, is to smile — remember to include your eyes —and say nothing. Listening is a fantastic skill. Humility listens. Most angry people will de-escalate if we are prepared to give them a hearing. While I am listening, or trying to, I am inwardly praying: “Please help ME Holy Spirit, my feelings are out of control.”  

As we seek to truly love one another, reconciliation must never be far away from our minds. We cannot afford to make any argument a competition about who wins and who loses. If we start keeping score it adds to the anger. One of the participants in the problem is going to have to put their grievance – their sword– down. The best way to do that, is to start with an apology.

“A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Proverbs 15:1. So it is good to say neutral things like: “I’m sorry you feel like that, and I have obviously hurt your feelings. I apologise.Please forgive me.” And then continue to say nothing. While we are busy defending ourselves, we aren’t loving that other person – we are empowering our flesh.

Loving each other is the secret ingredient to watching whatever we say. People who fall in love with someone else, watch their speech. The thing is, it is not good for our personal spiritual well-being to be a hypocrite, and love some people and not others simply because: “Love covers a multitude of sins …” It covered OURS!

Please understand that when we act in faith, with a spirit of reconciliation, we are not necessarily validating what the other person is saying – we are simply choosing to obey scripture: “First take the LOG out of your own eye, and then you will be able to see the splinter.” Matthew 7:3-5. None of us are blameless. What does it matter if we are falsely accused? What does it matter if we lose an argument? We might win the war by appearing to lose. The walls of Jericho came down because of a long silence, and one well-placed shout of victory!

Very few people walk up to someone else and punch them in the face FIRST! Arguments usually start with words, and then things grow exponentially as we use more and more words, and move on into hurling spiteful responses at each other and bringing up the other person’s past misdeeds. That’s the time we need to remember that we cannot control another person’s actions or reactions, we have to start with ourselves first. Maybe His Grace in our lives – which we get from spending time with Jesus in the secret place – has been diminished by the troubles and cares of this life.

“LET your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.” Colossians 4:6. One of my favourite preachers from the Brownsville Revival used to say – “this thing right here … (and he would point to his tongue) – that’s the thing we all need to be aware of.” “With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be so.” James 3:10. But it obviously IS so, because God Himself tells us through James …that it should not be so! This is where our personal test of obedience kicks in.

The next verse is the secret to overcoming all that. We cannot afford to live this life forgetting, for even a second, WHO we belong to now. “Little children, you can be certain that you belong to God and have conquered them, for the One who is living in you is far greater than the one who is in the world.”1 John 4:4 TPT. You see our confidence is not in our ability to conform, or even perform – our confidence is in Him. It is not in me or you … it’s IN HIMI We believe and have faith in His ability to conquer whatever situation we find ourselves in — after all He conquered DEATH! Therefore my big mouth is not a problem to Him. 

All this is possible because we belong to Him and He lives in us. We have a God Who saves us, and Who lives in us! He has already saved us from the sin we will perpetrate against someone else by what we’ve said. Because of the Lord Jesus we have the deposit of self-control within us, by His Grace. All we need to do is to release it, using our faith. Controlling our mouths is the biggest part of our daily battle. Bye 👋.

P 2889 People disagree …

/ DVH

… sometimes very loudly! When you read the gospels you will find different people from all walks of life that are outrageously unkind, plus people who cheat each other, or they hate each other for all kinds of reasons. The thing is, disagreements are not necessarily about who is right and who is wrong – that’s this world’s way of thinking. ‘I think I am much right-er than YOU are,’ is a really common theme. I hate disagreements … everybody loses!

To be perfectly honest with you, difficulties can have a positive side, they can usher in change in us – if we put down our sword of attack, and pick up His Grace, the people around us would feel much safer! God’s Grace needs to be the way we live now. What Jesus did at Calvary, released an incredible, overabundant Grace, and it is ours for the taking. We need to use our faith. Let me clarify that into English – let what you’ve been given by God be your new motivation – it makes it easier to apologise! Do it for the Lord!  He deserves to see the reward of His suffering in our lives.

This is our highest form of worship. This, in its very essence, is Romans 12:1 ”Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship.”When we choose His will, His Way, we are choosing to worship Him! Here’s another scripture nobody much likes, Jesus said it: “There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” John 15:13. We live this way for people who totally don’t deserve that kind of attitude or action from us! I’ve known people who said: “I would die for you” – but they haven’t considered that dying for the other person might include not liking or loving them very much at the time! 

Jesus chose to die for us, and He loved us while He did it! Good place to praise God for mercy!! Before you throw your hands up in the air in frustration, because we all have difficult people in our lives …think about it. Name somebody in the bible who had a happy, trouble-free, carefree life – you can’t do it can you? Our happiness, our purest joy comes from knowing Him – other people and relationships line up behind that. It often seems to me in those angry moments, that I’ve forgotten that love is a choice not a feeling!! 

Human beings stagger about doing the weirdest stuff, searching for that mythical land that is called “my happiness.” It won’t happen – it can’t happen. If we don’t find our happiness in serving Him, and learning His Ways – we are doomed to keep repeating the same rubbish mistakes over and over again. We will remain stuck in a mire of our own choosing. The answer to other people driving us crazy isn’t them changing – It’s our own personal transformation – we change the way we think and see everyone else, and they don’t bother us anymore!

There really is a place where other people don’t have to get on your nerves – Jesus Christ lived there and He was a man just like us. Every single one of those irritations are giving us an opportunity to die to self. Jesus didn’t have to wrangle His emotions, because He knew what was important – He knew the book from when He was 12! Everything He did He did to further His Father’s Kingdom. That’s now our job.

Christians admire other people’s testimonies. Things like: some dear missionary went to some lost tribe, and the tribe was saved but they chopped the poor missionary into little bits.’ Let’s pause a minute … the thing is, we don’t have rampant indigenous tribes waiting to kill us … instead we have Mrs Kerfoops who is always gossiping about everyone and she comes to church every Sunday … that dear lady needs to know His Grace. Obviously she has none, because she can’t keep her mouth shut. Somebody is going to have to be a source of God’s Grace toward her!

The bible works as a WHOLE. That missionary who died released Grace to the pagan tribe …  they left their comfortable homeland and went to a strange place for the sake of the gospel. That’s GRACE. Today’s Christians don’t value GRACE enough. We expect other people to understand US.. Instead we need to learn to turn the other cheek and walk the extra mile, right in the middle of the time when we feel so provoked we just want to thump the person who is provoking us. 

This means we will need to put His Grace into action to manage our painful circumstances. Think on this — the Grace that we cling to while the world around us continually shifts on its axis, is the same Grace we give away to other people when they don’t deserve it. In those moments I remind myself — “I don’t deserve His Grace either!” It really does help. Right along with my all time favourite prayer. “Help help!” Prayer is so much more than words, it is an attitude of our hearts!

Some of the time people disagree because they don’t know Him well enough yet. So there are no hard and fast rules as to who should be the one to give away Grace. I’ve found if I can actually see what is going on, then that means He will help me to get through it. I step out in faith, and I ask for His help to holster my own opinion. I’ve yet to start cheering when a disagreement comes up, but these things are opportunities for me to practise what I preach. Bye. 👋

P 2700 Let’s keep our eyes on forever.

/ DVH

The bible tells us to “… above all, guard the affections of your heart, for they affect all that you are. Pay attention to the welfare of your innermost being, for from there flows the wellspring of life.”Proverbs 4:23. When I watch over my heart I am watching over who I am and what I produce!

Sometimes the hardest thing to watch over is our own heart. From my limited experience, other people often tread on someone else’s heart unknowingly. However, whoever started whatever has happened, if someone is offended, it means that there is something we both need to look at..Sadly, we can mistake somebody else’s motivation for evil intent, when the truth is this:… a whole lotta people are just big dummies, (like me), and they talk without thinking.

It goes without saying that forgiveness is the key that opens the door to understanding and reconciliation, but we all have people in our lives who are repeat offenders. So today I want to talk to the offended as well as the offender. Have you noticed how easy it is today to take offence? My first bit of advice to the one who is offended, is that forgiveness will require resolve, it will take self-discipline. There’s a happy thought! However, this is how we mature, and grow the fruits of self-control and patience…  by hanging on firmly to the VINE – true forgiveness is in that vine.

So we: “…set our mind on the things above.’ Colossians 3:2. Most growing points in our lives are a matter of forgiveness. The thing is, people aren’t doing whatever they did AGAIN – if we really forgave them in the first place! There may be some times when we read this bible stuff and say to ourselves, “yeah, yeah, great thought, but how do I do that?” I wish I had some snappy whizz bang methodology, that took care of our instant responses – but I don’t.

Here’s my advice for the one offended. My experience in this area of forgiveness has come down to two words – DO IT.  Don’t expect to feel good about it – just do it. Deliberately, and with great resolve, take authority over all the mean, niggly things you want to say to that offender, and ZIP IT. 🤐 When Jesus hung there silently on that cross for us. He gave us the power, by what He did, to shut up when we desperately want to put someone else in their place or comment on their behaviour.. 

Seriously, don’t give into your feelings for a minute, because you will find yourself circling the plug-hole going down for the last time! The bible says SET your mind because sort of kind of hoping the conflict will magically go away, will not work! Let me clarify this – we are changing an internal mindset in our lives, and doing that is not easy. Mindsets change when we consistently ask Him for His help,  use our faith, and keep our anger to ourselves. I say to myself: “I wanna be like Jesus and this is the Way to get there.” People who have no self-control haven’t totally realised what He gave us when He died for us. We already have forgiveness – LEARN TO SHARE. Read Romans! The more we die to self the more we gain!

Transformation takes hold when we find we can say something positive to the person who is jumping all over our last nerve. The bible says: “Bless those who curse you, do good to those who despitefully use you.”  Look, we are not talking about a walk in the park, we are talking about pressing into God until you forget what you were mad about! It IS hard! Hullo!! I say to myself at this point: “Oh there’s that thing that I am not going to remember, because it is a trap sent to distract me!”  That scripture from Colossians is not just a nice thought – it is an essential part of victorious Christian living! Why would we hand our enemy a loaded gun to shoot us? Disarm the gun.

Now to look at the offender: If something is your fault. If you opened your big mouth and hurt someone else and they tell you what you did … then don’t make excuses, and don’t give endless explanations… simply APOLOGISE. Humble yourself. You are not the judge of what hurts someone else! Actually we are not the judge of anything — read the book. Ask what you can do to make amends. People can easily forget that “I’m sorry” is not what the bible says. It says repent. Repentance involves humbling yourself and taking responsibility for what you did. Hurting someone else IS a big deal, because we don’t live by this world’s standards, now we live by His! And He clearly tells us not to make each other stumble.

Offending people is a big deal! I’ve met many people who say they are sorry, but they don’t go that one step further to usher in reconciliation. The aim of repentance is reconciliation. We need to remember that in this Christian life our hearts belong to Him. Father God takes this stuff seriously – it cost Him His life!  When people are mean to you they are being mean to His child. This means we need to pray for them!  Christ’s ministry is all about love and reconciliation, and that is our ministry now too. To live this way, it will help us to keep our eyes on forever, instead of just the here and now. Bye. 👋

P 2621 Responding rather than reacting.

/ DVH

Reactions are easy-peasy. Somebody does or says something daft or provocative … or maybe we are having a bad day — and bingo bongo! — our response is not exactly excellent. Sadly that dratted ball starts rolling down the hill and the other person says or does something that gets under our skin. And then the bad stuff … the stuff we sorta kinda hoped wasn’t in there, inside us, starts bubbling out … e-v-e-r-y-where. Sigh. After that, maybe we are a tiny bit ashamed, because we feel that we ought to do better. But then that thought quickly flies out of the window. and we slam the window shut behind it … so it can’t get back in and stop us, as we settle in to dissect someone else’s life and attitudes!

OR … we half-apologise for bagging some poor schmuck who has no idea what they just did! But then, a little while later, because we are not done with feeling offended yet … and now they are looking at us funny ..  we pick it up where we left it and keep right on going …!! This sometimes means that we have made a decision that we need sympathy or understanding, more than spiritual growth. Suddenly we are dragging out every single thing this person ever said or did that hurt us, to add to the glorious bonfire of ‘poor me,’ we just built. Afterward, we can’t for the life of us figure out where that roaring blaze came from! … while we are sitting in the smouldering ruins of REGRET.

OR … maybe we FEEL JUSTIFIED be-cau-se of the way we’ve been treated. After all, ‘they said this and they did that! And what are we supposed to do after they were so mean to us? After all we are only human!’ ….even bigger sigh. Justifying ourselves is the first step down the slipperiest slide in the world. The thing is, to continue the ride down that slide we will probably have to give examples of their badness – usually to someone else who has ears the size of Dumbo the elephant. Someone who knows how to make sympathetic noises, because they too have their own bad people who don’t understand them either!

If we are particularly miffed at someone we may even talk to several different people about the offender, collecting ‘votes’ for or against the other person’s behaviour! That’s a really dumb idea that leads to self-justification. Of course I know that nobody reading this has never bin there and dun any of that!! Me neither! However, if I were Pinocchio, my nose would be out of the house and down the street by now.  My point is this, we opt for sympathy and ‘oh you poor dear,‘  rather than clinging to Christ and what He did for us, and doing what He would do. Psalm 31:1-4.

Jesus said NOTHING. He did NOTHING. He gave his back to those tormentors… Isaiah 53:7,8a. ”He was oppressed and afflicted, yet He did not open His mouth; He was led like a lamb to the slaughter, and as a sheep before its shearers is silent, so He did not open His mouth. By oppression and judgment He was taken away….” …If we want to follow Jesus Christ, our precious Master and beloved Friend, then we will need to take the road He chose. His road had a huge cost and it ended up on a cross.

Mean, critical, spiteful people are our personal cross to bear. And most of us have a few of them, hanging about. Time for the dance of joy! 🥳 🎉 Remaining silent in the face of criticism and someone else’s miserable … or even accurate … opinions of us and our behaviour, seems impossible. But Christ did it. That means He knows how to do it and the Holy Spirit can get us through it. We can learn to respond instead of reacting. He died to give us the same power He used.

How? Well, I recommend saying nothing, and praying “help help” over and over again, until we begin to feel His peace … ‘which passes all our understanding!’  Then we wait until we feel it starting to settle down over our hearts, and then we cling to it like a limpet. Philippians 4:7. His peace makes no sense to my mind but it is the most blessed thing E-V-E-R. Anger disappears. It goes away even more when I apologise for getting angry with the other person … even if they started in on me first. It actually grows as I fix my mind on Him. However, I can be tempted back into my reactionary attitude if the other person hasn’t got the same script I am reading from, and they start being unpleasant again! I need to pray that His peace will be more valuable to me than making my point or feelings known. 

I must conclude by saying that I am still learning this process, and I fail a lot… I’ve always been a last-word-Lana kind of gal. (Apologies to anyone out there who is called Lana – I don’t mean you … I just liked the alliteration! 🤪) Which means once I am wound up, unwinding me becomes difficult. But nothing is too hard for the Holy Spirit – including me. I have realised that my faith in His ability needs to be greater, than my own faith in my bad attitudes!

Responding to the Holy Spirit is way better than reacting to someone else, because it can change the outcome … and on some occasions, it even changes the outcome on both sides. Bye. 👋

P 2459 Run after something worth running after …

/ DVH

“Until then, there are three things that remain: faith, hope, and love—yet love surpasses them all. So above all else, let love be the beautiful prize for which you run.” 1 Corinthians 13:13 TPT.

Paul suggests in the scripture above that if you want to run after something then run toward something worthwhile — like love. In other versions of the bible, this verse says …PURSUE love. I like that. Chase after love because it is worth chasing after. We will always need to chase after love however, because with some people, it seems like it is always too far away, plus we are not perfect yet! That’s great BTW, that means we are ‘poor in spirit’ and the poor in spirit inherit the kingdom – at those times we need the kingdom!  Sadly some human relationships are often full of surprises, nasty ones. We are going to need the Holy Spirit to be our full-time coach.

Before we start, here’s a great thought to help us focus and praise God – GOD’S LOVE IS ALWAYS RUNNING TOWARD US! Back to the verse, it says if we are going to run, we need to run after knowing, and living in HIS kind of love. Forget human affection – that disappears quickly in conflict. How do you aim at His love? First of all, remember Love is a VERB not a noun. It is not just an attitude, it is an action. It is see-able! It does something good.

Now let’s look at a metaphoric illustration. You are running alongside somebody you know, and everything is going well, … Then they — we both know it’s always them, it’s never me — say or do some dumb thing, and you’ve lost your stride.  And bit by bit, the rhythm we had together is suddenly broken. Now they are nowhere near me at all and we don’t agree about anything. I’ve lost my peace, patience, and eventually my temper… usually in that order!

What happened? Perhaps I stumbled over something they said or did, or maybe they didn’t say something I needed to hear. Or vice versa. Whatever! The rhythm we had together is now lost. However, the point of pursuing love is not about running …it is the fact that you were running together. There is POWER in ‘together!’ Sadly we can end up brokenhearted when we no longer have the same aim as the other person. However, I am not powerless.  I can always aim at love – with, or without them. The result is the same. I don’t need them to love me back, or even treat me kindly, because God’s love follows the Holy Spirit and His kind of love runs on GRACE not performance. 

Further, the bible says: ‘Love bears all things’, so, in those hard moments when we cannot bear what is going on — we will actually need His love helping us to do more than resolve conflict. People are always impacted by God’s Love. Human love is tainted by need, but God’s love is highlighted by the fact it is unconditional.

What to do? Apologise! Yeah, I know, I didn’t do anything. But apologising clears the air, and repentance lets in grace. And grace makes room for the other person to come to terms with their part in what happened. You see the point is not to instantly arrive at agreement, the real point is going straight back into running toward LOVING LIKE HE DOES. Whether the other person comes or not!

When we are pursuing this kind of love we cannot enter into a brawl about who was right and who was wrong, be-cau-se … we cannot get to love, by that route! That route will end up in a bigger argument. The way to pursue and arrive at running after love is to give up your idea of how things are meant to happen, and start running after the Holy Spirit. We need His help. We do this despite how unkind the other person has been toward us. 

BTW, loving someone with God’s love does not mean we utterly approve of everything they are doing. LOVE AND APPROVAL are two different things. God’s kind of love is supernatural. We always need His love flowing through us, and we access it by obeying what the Holy Spirit prompts us to say and do. Now we stay under the instruction of the Holy Spirit – we don’t give in to our own temper or hurt feelings.

At the same time, we are going to need our faith and hope to kick in to help us to keep on running. I ask the Holy Spirit for ALL those things, plus loads of Grace – because Grace saved the world!  Meanwhile, God’s love is accurately described in the bible and HIS Love always looks like this …”Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonour others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. So the reverse of these things is a good indicator that we are not walking in love … if we are impatient, unkind, envious, boastful, or proud etc.

Obviously aiming at love means we are going to die to self. But that is fantastic be-cau-se …”greater love hath no man than that he lay down his life for his friends.” If 1 Corinthians 13 is to be part of our daily lives then we must pursue love and obey the Holy Spirit. He will take care of our attitudes and actions. Plus we are also acknowledging our own poverty of spirit. Chasing after His Love means we are running after something worth pursuing. Bye. 🥰